Son got told off for something he said which was actually true.

[dkcrooby]

Hi,

My son or the school lost one of his reading records with a list of books he brings home to read with us. They have now given him a new one but now they don't know which books he has read and which he hasn't. He knows and tells them. Yesterday he was reading to a mother who comes to help out and she asked him to take the next book on the list. He told her he'd already read that one and she must have argued with him. Apparently he told her to check the list (he's 7) and she took offense to this and told the class teacher. She told him to stop arguing and if he carried on then he'd be sent to the head teacher. When he came home he was really upset. He's a quiet boy who hates trouble. I asked the teacher today what happened and she said because the mother comes in to help, she has to back her up. I asked her for the list so I can go through it and see what he's read. He can't remember all the books just from reading the titles, and I wouldn't be able to either! I just get so cross because she told him off for telling the mother that he had read the books. She just assumed that because it wasn't marked off on his reading record, then he hadn't read it and he must be lying to her. And how dare the teacher threaten him. He's the one who needs backing up because he's right.

Please tell me if i'm over reacting but he is such a gentle child and i feel he was moaned at unnecessarily.

Thanks

op, you really need to put this in perspective though.

If your child is reading and rereading the same books over and over and over again and not being allowed to progress then that is one thing. but this was a one-off incident. Let's not blow it all out of proportion by getting panicked that he won't progress because he was once made to read the same book twice.

Yes he pointed out that he'd read the book before but telling an adult to "check the list" is frankly confrontational and rude and cheaky and I don't think that they should have to put up with that. Children do need to learn that they can put their point across if need be but they do also need to learn that there is a right and a wrong way of doing so, and telling someone to "check the list" is not the right way.

Your son is not being bullied here and neither are you. He argued, he was told not to argue. That's fair enough.

If you're reading with your ds at home then you will have an idea of whether his reading is progressing. If his reading isn't progressing then tbh it's unlikely that it's because of the fact he's had to read a book more than once. Children progress at different levels, sometimes they read a book once and work quickly through the levels. Sometimes they struggle and do actually have to read a book several times in order that the reading/recognission clicks for them.

I used to read with children at school and sometimes there are children who would simply not progress if they only read each book once, because it took the first time to get through the book, and only by the second or third time did they have a grip on the letters/words they were reading so they could go on to actually enjoy the book.

My DD brings home books as part of her homework, which are listed in the homework book. On several occasions she's been made to bring home books she has already read. Each time we've noted this alongside the title in the homework book and simply read something else at home - and put that in. We have then pointed it out to the teachers, who are normally only too happy to put it right.

The issue here is that the poor lad was taken to task about speaking up. He obviously enjoys his reading and this could detract from it. The best way forward would be to ask to speak to the school (without DS) to ask what they think happened and then to agree that you will go through his reading list with them to bring it up to date. While you could also ask that volunteers check with the teacher if in doubt, it wouldn't have worked in this case so asking them to temper the way they speak might. In this way he should hopefully progress to books that are more testing.

But the best you can probably do is to explain to him that sometimes adults do get it wrong, the most important thing is that he did tell them the truth and that was the right thing to do.

Ta! It has to be said that the ones who play up are generally older than seven. And in groups. Safety in numbers and all that. I honestly think that this is more of a misunderstanding. And we aren't perfect.

I think you're over reacting. Also, a lot hinges on how it came across when he told the mother to check the list.

Also, a teacher telling a child what the consequences of his actions will be is not threatening him.

I did want people's opinions and I got it, that's why I posted on here. People just don't need to be rude. As i said, thank you to those who constructively answered me.

But which opinions will you listen to?

Does "constructively" mean "agreed with me"???

'Please tell me if i'm over reacting'

You asked for people's opinions, you got them. You can't get defensive and argumentative when you don't like what they say!

FWIW from your op I thought I was a bit like you, my ds had a few issues where I thought he was treated unfairly and was a quiet, well behaved little boy. I hated the injustice of it, especially when he was upset, and it did upset me. Personally, I would deal with this by talking to the teacher about making sure he has a list that doesn't get lost, and not mention the rest. However much it upsets you It's life and he does need to learn to deal with things. My ds did and he's shaping up pretty well now

But I don't think I am a bit like you after all, maybe you need to calm down a bit and have a look at the term bullying, it undermines actual bullying when the term is thrown about all over the place when people are a just bit pissed off

lol, not at all. even the one's who say i'm overreacting. i think i might be, that's why i posted. i actually feel better about the situation now.

Where on earth is the bullying?

OP, I think one thing to bear in mind is that where your son is on the reading scheme really does not matter, and what he does or does not read to a helper for 5 or 10 mins during the school day does not matter. In a couple of years none of the children will be on the reading scheme and nobody will remember finished it first. You should tell your son that too.

You need (and I am sure you already are doing this) to listen to your son read at home. But if the school sends home a book he has read, or a book he doesn't like, then read something else and write that down in the record book.

What matters is that your child is reading at home.

Glad you are feeling better OP.

forget the word bullying, wrong word. i should probably have said rudeness when referring to thisisyesterdays comments.

well said sunnyd. OP, hope it gets sorted but seriously, school is going to get waaaay more stressful than this for you and him. You both need some coping strategies for when the inevitable pupil/teacher disagreements come up.

Don't post in AIBU if you don't expect differing opinions voiced strongly... Post in another section.

Write the list. Give it to the teacher. Move on from this.

I help out at a school with the games and book library that the kids can borrow each week. This wouldn't exist if there was not a team of mummies helping out 2
early mornings a week.
Sometimes things go wrong and I can see the teachers thinking "oh bloody hell, another thing to deal with.." But they support the mummy team to our faces even when they think we are bats ( actually that's just 1 team member who is bats, the rest of us are nearly sane)

Wannabe said everything I wanted to say.

Think you're being unreasonable to be honest .. I'd assume from what you say that possibly the way he said "check the list" came across as rude... would treat it as minor incident really, "would have said "oh thats terrible, wonder why she thought you were being rude?" and gone on to other things myself... Also, am fairly convinced that there is nothing intrinsically wrong wiht rereading books - if its boring can't he read something else at home... but maybe I'm far too laissez faire....!

will people stop telling others to stop posting on aibu. post your thread where you like. they love it really, without posts like yours op they would have nothing to moan about

you didn't ask for advice and support, you asked if you were being unreasonable and if you were overreacting, and i said you were.

YANBU.

Yanbu Why must the teacher 'back up' the parent when she was in the wrong. This is why parent helper shouldn't be in classrooms hey take offense over petty little incidents that a professional just wouldn't be bothered about, it also takes the teacher time away from dealing with the rest of the class to go and referee.

It's one thing to tell teh adult that you have read the book already.But am I the only one who thinks that the OPs child was being cheeky to tell the adult 'check the list if you don't believe me!'

No, I don't think it was cheeky. It was just a way of checking the facts.

For me there's a difference between "go and check the list" in a rude way and an explaining the facts way. If he wasn't rude and got in trouble I'd have the hump, it's too seen and not heard for me