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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a person should be able to eat in a fancy-pants restaurant with a small child..

66 replies

Stannie · 05/05/2010 22:46

without stage whispered comments and scathing looks ?

I went to a yummy and quite smart Thai restaurant with my Mum and 7mo son on Bank Holiday Monday. We planned a late lunch so we would miss the rush and arrived at 3pm when it was less busy.

The restaurant is child friendly - with buggy parking if required, lovely highchairs provided and a dedicated changing/feeding room (with lovely Burts Bees products for use)

We were seated in an area with 5 tables - a good distance from each other. PFB was happy in his highchair and quietly busy with a rusk and a toy. We ate, he sampled our food (loves duck!) and at no time did he cry/shout/make any real noise bar a bit of cooing.

Another family group with a small girl (10-12mnths ?) were seated near us. Their little girl was equally sociable, making little disturbance etc.

Throughout the meal we were able to hear diners at other tables making comments about children under 10 being out in "upmarket eateries" (poncy or what!) and that "children prevent other diners from really enjoying themselves" (what do they want to do ???)

AIBU taking my baby there ? Would I have been unreasonable to have said something to the complainers ?

OP posts:
Trafficcone · 05/05/2010 22:49

You were not remotely unreasonable. Some people forget that they were once kids themselves!

Quattrocento · 05/05/2010 22:52

That's just awful. You were very restrained.

Firmly believe in children going to restaurants. All restaurants. Also a firm believer in them behaving when they are there, but it sounds as though your baby was lovely.

Took DD to Le Manoir when she was a baby. They weren't stuffy there ...

scurryfunge · 05/05/2010 22:52

Not unreasonable at all....the restaurant welcomed you, if not their customers......I'd have made a sarky comment that would have given them something to moan about

SummerLightning · 05/05/2010 22:53

YANBU, I have taken my 16 month-old son to numerous fairly nice restaurants (nothing Michelin starred or anything but fairly fancy in my book) in the daytime or early evening and never had a reaction like this.

I probably wouldn't have said anything though, just ignored them and enjoyed my meal. Let them be miserable if they want to.

If the restaurant has high chairs then they clearly expect children to dine there!

MsHighwaterforPrimeMinister · 05/05/2010 22:53

How rude! (them, not you). I would have been itching to retort. You carry on taking your pfb to any restaurant you like!

cupcakesandbunting · 05/05/2010 22:54

YANBU. You took DC out during the day. If you go out to a public eatery (hate that word) upmarket or otherwise, during hours that children may be awake then you must expect to dine with children.

I'd have encouraged your DC to scream the place down and really ruin their lunch, miserable old soaks [grin[

TheCrackFox · 05/05/2010 22:58

YANBU

I would have asked them what their problem was.

Original poster
Stannie · 05/05/2010 23:00

My Mum & I were quite upset on leaving .. not crying, sobbing upset but un-nerved with that kind of hollow feeling in your stomach ..

The food was fantastic but tbh I was too on edge to enjoy it really

OP posts:
honeydragon · 05/05/2010 23:00

My Mum always like to remind me that they took me to the paris house (stupidly poncy roux brothers) when I was around 8. I behaved apriciated where I was and got fussed over something rotton.

Ergo my mums theory that people who comment like this in restaurants go to thenm because they like to be the centre of attention and be fussed over - and seeing children, especially babies makes them all spiteful and feel like they are missing out. sounds like you were all having nice times and the children where behaving so you were probably getting wonderful service and putting their noses out of joint a bit. So bollocks to 'em. Eat where you want as long as they are happy to take your money.

my mums clever

Meglet · 05/05/2010 23:00

yanbu. I love children in restaurants, even the messy ones.

Although I did feel a bit sorry for the staff in Prezzos (ok, not a posh place) in weymouth in the Easter hols when at 5pm it seemed to be full up of pre-schoolers (2 of them mine), harrased parents and several double buggies. I'd seen toddler groups with less children in them. The waiter was great though and kept sqidging dd's cheeks .

MarthaFarquhar · 05/05/2010 23:01

YANBU
as long as they can behave, then why on earth shouldn't DC be there.

My DD (3) has been complimented on her behaviour (and epicurean tastes) by the maitre d's of several Michelin starred restaurants.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/05/2010 23:03

YANBU!

We took DS to Le Manoir when he was 8 months - he loved the food! His face when he tasted chocolate for the first time courtesy of Monseuir Blanc's kitchen was a sight to behold.

ReshapeWhileDamp · 05/05/2010 23:04

If the restaurant has a child-friendly policy, then it's the other diners who have a problem there. Tough on them. I'm sorry you were put off your food though.

Sounds a fab place - it isn't anywhere near Oxford by any chance, is it?

Original poster
Stannie · 05/05/2010 23:06

Forgot to say. Some of the Bright Young Things that were eating (well..picking at food inbetween lipgloss applications) were making far more noise laughing/talking on mobiles etc than any of the children present.

I was a BYT once but like to think I was never as cruel/arrogant as they were..

The worst offenders however were a group of 4 White-denim, cashmere jumper wearing women. All mothers it seemed from their conversation re school fees

OP posts:
SoMuchToBits · 05/05/2010 23:07

YANBU at all - I might have said so if your ds had screamed the place down, but it seems like he was well-behaved (as was the other child in there at the time) and you weren't causing any problems to other diners.

When ds was small we used to go out to a local teashop a lot. It was quite a nice place (tho not dead posh) but he really enjoyed it, and actually learned from early on how to behave properly when out in a public place to eat. So I think you are teaching your ds the way to go from early on, and also think it's great he will try some of your food.

oldandgreynow · 05/05/2010 23:08

YANBU the establishment obviously welcomed children of wouldn't have had buggy parking and highchairs.

Original poster
Stannie · 05/05/2010 23:11

ReshapeWhileDamp - not Oxford - Dublin

HoneyDragon - The staff were fab.. bringing little baby-friendly amuse-bouche for DS to sample & snack on .. they all made time to talk to the little girl and DS.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 05/05/2010 23:11

I took DS (aged 4) to an Antony Worrall Thompson poncy restaurant for my birthday (family lunch paod for by nice sister). Waiters were lovely, other diners were lovely, my mum took him out for a quick walk when he started to get a bit bored and the people on teh table stopped me at the end to say how lovely DS was!

He said to me in a very loud voice "mummy this is a very nice cafe!"

Vallhala · 05/05/2010 23:11

YANBU. I'd have pointed out that the highchairs supplied were a giveaway and that they should have opted for a restaurant which didn't make their child-friendly policy quite so bleedin' obvious if they didn't wish to dine near children!

Original poster
Stannie · 05/05/2010 23:17

"mummy this is a very nice cafe!"

OP posts:
SoMuchToBits · 05/05/2010 23:20

I think it's great for children to go out and enjoy good food - ds (who is now 9) loves going out to eat, and has also recently been watching the Masterchef Australia series, so has become very interested in food. He loves trying new things to eat and seeing how the food is made, but I think part of that stems from having been taken out since he was quite small.

chipmonkey · 05/05/2010 23:49

I hate, hate, hate this attitude!
I do remember eating out in a lovely restaurant once and as it was close to home and the food was good, I asked if they had a childrens menu. Only to be told
"Oh no, we don't encourage them!"
We never ate there again, with or without children!

buggeredwhoevergetsin · 06/05/2010 00:38

As an ex waitress at a fairly good restaurant in the heart of uppercrust constable country, I have seen both sides of this argument.
We prided ourself on being child friendly, and I have seen fantastic, polite, well behaved children, who have been a joy to serve, a pleasure to watch, and no problem to anyone.

I have also seen horrible, messy, rude, loud children, whose parents have either no control or no desire to control them. They wonder around the restaurant, putting their foody hands all over the walls, windows and other customers, mash their food into the table, chair and floor, and generally misbehave.
YANBU Sounds to me like yours was one of the former, and the other customers were out of line. trouble is, the latter type of kids give the nice ones a bad reputation.

colditz · 06/05/2010 00:41

YANBU

If child orientated stuff is provided, expect to see children. End of.

thumbwitch · 06/05/2010 00:49

YANBU at all. Stupid other people. IF your DC had been completely wailing screaming brats then the looks and comments might have had some foundation, but as they were both well-behaved then the comments are pathetic.

In some countries in Europe (certainly Italy) it's quite normal to bring little DC along to the restaurant - I remember when I was au pairing there to twin 22mo boys, the whole family (and I) went out to an evening dinner party at a restaurant where there were lots of other DC as well. It didn't finish til gone 11!

How else are you meant to "socialise" them if you don't get them used to restaurants early? We have been taking DS out with us since he was about 5mo with no problem - although I did smile at the nice American lady who commented on how well DS was behaving when it was "so far past his bedtime" - well no, his bedtime is around 9pm and this was only 8:30 but I didn't like to tell her that!

I can't bear people getting all precious about DC in public places - you even see them tutting and sighing when you're on a train with little ones!