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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dh is being irresponsible

51 replies

tuarag · 05/05/2010 21:43

Have a dd aged 9 months. Husband is a mountaineer and has announced that he plans to climb North Americas highest mountain, Denali otherwise known as Mount McKinley. I know enough about this mountain to know that people die attempting to scale this moutain, each year.

Am I being unreasonable to ask him not to go ahead with his plans for the sake of his family. I feel guilty, as I knew when we first met about his passion. What do you think?

OP posts:
rubyrubyredDenied · 05/05/2010 21:44

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seeker · 05/05/2010 21:44

Would he stop you if mountains were your passion?

rasputin · 05/05/2010 21:45

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wannaBe · 05/05/2010 21:48

yabu. people die in cars every year too - do you stop him from driving?

Original poster
tuarag · 05/05/2010 21:48

Thanks everyone for replying so soon. Seeker, no, he wouln't stop me, he would encourage me. I guess I am just scared.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/05/2010 21:51

I presume you married him, knowing this is his passion

If so, YABU

Make sure he has fantastic life insurance (if anyone will insure him, that is) and bite the bullet

It is too late to start making conditions now, tbh

harimo · 05/05/2010 21:51

Agree with WannaBe.

Life doesn't come with an insurance package built in. You could stay home every day and be miserable and then get hit by a bus.

Gotta cease the moment.

But, YANBU to worry about him. That's natural.

PickUpYourPants · 05/05/2010 21:51

Yes this is tough but as stated above every day could be a risk. However is your issue more that you don't want him to go?

rubyrubyredDenied · 05/05/2010 21:51

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QOD · 05/05/2010 21:52

how strange, when it was the man riding across india on a motorbike it was NO DON'T GO from everyone - I love mn

Missus84 · 05/05/2010 21:52

Suprised at the reactions - recently there was a thread about someone's DH taking coke on a night out iirc, and the consensus seemed to be that parents taking drugs was very irresponsible and selfish. I would have thought other risky recreational activities would be viewed similarly.

Original poster
tuarag · 05/05/2010 21:53

Thanks again everybody. yeah, I knew who I was marrying. As for the insurance, he is with the BMC. Take the point about car crashing.

OP posts:
rubyrubyredDenied · 05/05/2010 21:53

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AnyFucker · 05/05/2010 21:54

QOD, this is different

the OP's DH is a "mountaineer" so certainly takes what he does very seriously, he has been clear from the start about how he wants to live his life, he may even do it for a living

I expect OP found it very attractive and sexy...now she is trying to move the goalposts

completely different to that twunt you are referring to who didn't have a clue what he was doing and sprung his stupid idea on a relatively-unsuspecting partner

Missus84 · 05/05/2010 21:55

Why different ruby?

Surely the principle is the same - once you are a parent you shouldn't put yourself at unnecessary risk for the sake of fun?

jenroy29 · 05/05/2010 21:55

I was curious so I googled it 95 out of 30000 have died, that's quite a lot isn't it. Statistically it's more than car accidents etc. I don't know what I would do sometimes I think I'm blessed with my lazy, unadventurous fella!

rubyrubyredDenied · 05/05/2010 21:56

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rubyrubyredDenied · 05/05/2010 21:57

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AnyFucker · 05/05/2010 22:02

ruby...it was

a selfish tosser having a midlife crisis kind of "jolly"

I beleive it didn't happen in the end...

Debs75 · 05/05/2010 22:06

YANBU to ask him to reconsider his plans. you have a family now and your DD is so young. I am assuming he will be away a long time so will miss out on a fair few months of her life.
I think once you have kids a mum's priorites change and you see this adventure as just unessential risk. He probably sees it as a mountain he has to conquer and one he wants to do whilst relatively young

However you did kinow about this passion so you knew it would happen one day. If he is a 'pro' then I am sure he will take every precaution possible. and I'm sure he has no intention of leaving your DD without a father.
We can't all sit at home trying to be careful and those with a high risk lifestyle, suchj as round the world sailors, climbers, adventurers still do it with families to come home to.

I guesss I understand your fears and personally i would be worried sick. tell him your fears and see how he feels.

harimo · 05/05/2010 22:06

FFS!! How can a dream to climb a mountain be compared to sitting in some grotty room taking coke???

Sitting in a room snorting drugs is hardly a dream to aspire to, is it????????????//

Missus84 · 05/05/2010 22:08

So having a dream to do something dangerous makes it ok? Not sure motivation is that important if the worst happens.

petisa · 05/05/2010 22:11

I'd LOVE to know what happened to the motorbike jolly across India bloke.

parakeet · 05/05/2010 22:12

I think YANBU.

You have to change your lifestyle when you have children.

harimo · 05/05/2010 22:12

If my DS grows up and wants to risk life and limb to clib a mountain, I'll support him.

If he wants to piss his life away taking drugs, I fucking won't.

Is that really so hard to understand?????