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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

how many of you check your dh/dp's phone?

63 replies

OnTheSly · 04/05/2010 14:10

and why?

I do. Not proud of it, and it's not even because of another woman or trust issues, not in a sexual sense anyway. It's his sister. She's a nasty cow, always trying to cause trouble in our relationship and with our dcs. Dh does not buy into her games but is understandably protective of her and doesn't like to get me riled by telling me her latest, so I check for myself on his phone. Am I a bad person?

I have told dh that I do this, by the way. So it's like open sneaking around

OP posts:
Morloth · 04/05/2010 14:12

So you go looking for an argument?

If I had to check up on my DH then he wouldn't be my DH, life is too short.

SloanyPony · 04/05/2010 14:13

No, I dont.

pagwatch · 04/05/2010 14:14

I don't know what you are trying to achieve tbh.
If I needed to check DHs phone I would start to question what we were doing together>

asteri · 04/05/2010 14:14

I would be horrified if DH checked my phone (though why he'd want to look at texts from my mum telling me all about her neighbours operation)I would see it is a huge abuse of trust, so i would never check his. the only contact I have with his phone is if someone calls when he is driving he asks me to answer it.

RunawayWife · 04/05/2010 14:14

Are we related? I have a SIL who is a mad nasty bitch too, DH does not speak to her so no problems there.

I do not really check the phones but I often end up having t o set/re-set stuff on it)

diddl · 04/05/2010 14:14

God no!

ThreeSilverBalloons · 04/05/2010 14:15

Never, ever, ever. I don't open his mail, look at emails or anything like that. I think you need some privacy in a marriage.

asteri · 04/05/2010 14:15

and besides, checking someones phone for incriminating texts/calls of any kind is a bit Jeremy Kyle-y.

Itsjustafleshwound · 04/05/2010 14:16

No I don't: he doesn't give me reason to doubt him and I hope he affords me the same courtesy of giving me some privacy and respect ....

Tidey · 04/05/2010 14:17

DP doesn't like mobiles so doesn't have one. I've read his emails before, it doesn't bother him in the least. They're all really boring crap from eBay anyway

Bramshott · 04/05/2010 14:18

Er, why would I ?!?

VinegarTits · 04/05/2010 14:21

Why would you check his phone for nasty messages from his sister? do you enjoy hating her?

Mouseface · 04/05/2010 14:21

DH's phone is his. DH's e-mail account is his.

I don't look at either.

ben10isgr8 · 04/05/2010 14:22

In your situation YABU to sneak but NBU to discuss the situation with dh.

I read dh msg and answer his phone, although I wouldn't call it checking...and dh is free to look at mine.

My phone/email is not sacred...even my posts on MN...if he asked/was interested are discussed.

If I am nearer the phone when a call/msg appears I get it and vice verca. If dh tells me someone has sent jokes or an invitation ...whatever...he expects me to get the phone and read them.

Firawla · 04/05/2010 14:22

No i dont check it like that looking for anything but i am allowed to look on it. if he gets a text and phone is near to me, i'll say you got a text shall i read it to you, and he tends to say yeah so i just read it. Sometimes i have a look through texts if i had his phone and i was bored, he doesn't mind. Our emails come in to the same inbox so I sometimes read those too, again he doesn't mind

AmazingBouncingFerret · 04/05/2010 14:22

I dont actively look for txts/emails/whatever on his phone.

When DD was 2 weeks old she was taken into hospital with Bronciolitis. My phone had run out of battery so DH left his with me so I could phone house phone if anything happened during the night. I was very bored in the evening whilst DD was sleeping and there was nothing good on TV.

I received a text from DH and after replying I just started nosying though his inbox, wasnt looking for anything was just bored!
I found an email saying "matches have been found in your area" etc blah blah. So not only did I have the worry of DD being ill but I had the added stress of thinking DH had joined a dating site.
Turned out he'd just answered some bloody bollocks questionaire "finding out your real personality" Idiot.

So lesson learnt, even if you DH hasnt got anything to hide (like mine!) You still end up with unnessesary heartache!

So no. I dont look at DHs phone.

MamaG · 04/05/2010 14:23

I don't, I trust him

Sorce · 04/05/2010 14:23

I assume anything dodgy would be deleted anyway TBH. I would delete them if I were up to no good anyway!

Elffriend · 04/05/2010 14:28

No, because I'm not 14.

mayorquimby · 04/05/2010 14:29

Wouldn't do it and it would be very close to being a deal breaker if my gf did it to me.

Tidey · 04/05/2010 14:30

There's a difference between sneakily checking someone else's phone without their knowledge and neither of you giving a toss about the other reading the messages though. DP is welcome to read my emails or texts if he likes, there's nowt of any interest in them anyway.

ImSoNotTelling · 04/05/2010 14:35

Same as tidey in this house.

MadamDeathstare · 04/05/2010 14:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thumbwitch · 04/05/2010 14:40

occasionally when I am stuck in the car with nothing to do except play with DH's phone then I will have a look. But I don't expect to find anything. It's just idle nosiness. Although I have now found some good games on it so won't be bothering again.

Whenever I get a text message, DH picks up my phone and says "shall I see who that's from?" I have no idea why - and I always let him - it's not trust issues, just nosiness on his part too.

CheekyVimtoGal · 04/05/2010 14:48

Nope i have never checked DHs phone i would never do it.

Actually - i have when i thought something was going on between him and my friend, i checked to see if her number was in his phone book, which it was, but under a different name. Iv never checked his messages though.

I feel i don't need to.