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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

how many of you check your dh/dp's phone?

63 replies

OnTheSly · 04/05/2010 14:10

and why?

I do. Not proud of it, and it's not even because of another woman or trust issues, not in a sexual sense anyway. It's his sister. She's a nasty cow, always trying to cause trouble in our relationship and with our dcs. Dh does not buy into her games but is understandably protective of her and doesn't like to get me riled by telling me her latest, so I check for myself on his phone. Am I a bad person?

I have told dh that I do this, by the way. So it's like open sneaking around

OP posts:

Hullygully · 04/05/2010 16:50

Oh. I thought it was quite sensible! I can't be bothered to have conversations about other peoples' lives etc (unless there was a really juicy scandal thing going down).

Highlander · 04/05/2010 16:51

jeez, I couldn't be bothered with that. DH is in the huff tho9ugh, because I wouldn't tell him the Q I posted to GB last night. I said I was entitled to a private life; he seems to think that's a very, very, very, bad thing.

4andnotout · 04/05/2010 16:58

I do, and his Facebook and emails.
I suspect he checks mine, I don't really care as I have nothing incriminating unlike his perchance for sex lines and text services.

Dillie · 04/05/2010 17:03

I wouldn't, but it was done on me.

I have a very dear male friend, who I have known for a around 5 years or so.

He was going through a particularly tough time with some family problems, so I said to him, you need to talk, call or txt me.

Now my DH is the jealous over protective type, which does drive me nuts!

My mate would call when he needed a chat, it was always idle chit chat, and I thought DH was ok about it. I would meet up with him and his gf and put the world to rights over a couple of pints.

But one evening I came downstairs after a nice long soak, he looked all guilty I asked, whats up, nothing he said, but I noticed my phone was lit up. Eventually (a week later after him sulking all week!!) he came clean and I was so very very

TBH i have never really forgiven him, and possibly never will. I still have my dear friend, and intend on keeping the friendship. I know my dh doesnt like it .. but I am entitled to friends, male or female.

So think before you do is all I can say

Gay40 · 04/05/2010 17:03

We have no secrets but we do respect each other's individuality and privacy.
Besides we can't really work each other's phones.

mshadowsisfab · 04/05/2010 17:06

I do if he asks me too(you know oh get that type of thing) or if he asks me to delete his messages or stuff..............can you tell we are not text people

MissMarjoribanks · 04/05/2010 19:46

I look at DH's text messages, but only because I'm a nosy cow and MIL sends some absolutely hilarious gems when she's fussing. He knows I do it. He's perfectly entitled to read mine and does on occasion.

It's nothing to do with trust, I trust him implicitly. That's in part because we have absolutely nothing to hide from one another.

posieparker · 04/05/2010 19:50

I do, but then my DH is a little slippery(why am I with him? four children and no good reason to leave....yet).

fernie3 · 04/05/2010 21:35

I dont go through his phone checking it but we do tend to share phones as one or the other of us is always forgettign to charge!
His email actually all gets forwarded to me anyway because most of it is about work hes is doing and I make his to do list etc for him. I suppose in a way I DO look through his email and phone but not looking for anything if that makes sense!.

islandofsodor · 04/05/2010 21:38

Yes I do sometimes becasue it is a Blackberry. We run a business and all the business emails get sent through to there,also our staff sometimes text him and it is things that I need to deal with.

Hulababy · 04/05/2010 21:41

Sometimes, but nevr secretly. If a message comes through and he is not in room I will somtimes check it and pass it on for him. I will answer his phone too. And vice versa.

Pozzled · 04/05/2010 21:42

'Check'? No. I'd never go poking around to see who he'd been texting. But DH and I do have open access to each other's phones/emails. We use each other's phones depending on which one is charged/has credit etc. ANd if I get a text when I'm in the shower or something I'd be quite pissed off if DH didn't check it and let me know who it was from, and vice versa. Similar thing with emails, I might need to check something in his inbox, like a shopping order or whatever.

The only time I'd ever think to ask for permission is close to Christmas or my birthday!

kickassangel · 04/05/2010 21:54

like others, we use/see each other's phones/emails etc if we want/need, but never 'check' on each other. it's just easier to let him log onto my hotmail to read the latest ramblings from my family, instead of reading it out to him.

i am of the opinion that mail/email/phones are not private property within a marriage - i don't go trawling through them, but would be disgruntled if he tried to hide them from me (unless it was just before my birthday & I KNOW my mum has been emailing him 'secretly' about presents). similarly , i wouldn't hide these things from him!

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