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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

how many of you check your dh/dp's phone?

63 replies

OnTheSly · 04/05/2010 14:10

and why?

I do. Not proud of it, and it's not even because of another woman or trust issues, not in a sexual sense anyway. It's his sister. She's a nasty cow, always trying to cause trouble in our relationship and with our dcs. Dh does not buy into her games but is understandably protective of her and doesn't like to get me riled by telling me her latest, so I check for myself on his phone. Am I a bad person?

I have told dh that I do this, by the way. So it's like open sneaking around

OP posts:

Gay40 · 04/05/2010 14:54

No, because it's none of my business.

RunforFun · 04/05/2010 14:58

Good grief no.

Far more interesting things in life imo

AnyFucker · 04/05/2010 15:02

not as a rule, no

if I suspected him of infidelity, dodginess with money or some other such piss-taking activities I would though, without any guilt whatsoever

Kaloki · 04/05/2010 15:04

Like others have said, why??

cazinski · 04/05/2010 15:09

Of course I read his texts...they're not really gossipy or all that interesting- but I'm a bit of nosey cow so I can't help myself. That said, he reads mine too. We've not got anything to hide from one another though.

YANBU, if I knew someone might have said/texted something about me-I'd have to read it...and then it would wind me up as it is doing to you. I wouldn't be able to just ignore it. I'm sorry but I would feel the same way as you OP.

lizziemun · 04/05/2010 15:13

No I trust him.

But I'm also a technophobe and to thick to work out how to answer his phone (whenever I try I end up cancelling the call).

BouncingTurtle · 04/05/2010 15:13

I use his phone (he gets a bigger free call allowance than me). But no I don't read his texts. No reason to!

You are not a bad person, Onthesly, but why upset yourself by reason her poisonous texts. He married you after all - he CHOSE to be with you despite his sister's opinion of you. And you said yourself he is wise to her.

addictedisinthesecondtrimester · 04/05/2010 15:15

i look at dh's phone and he looks at mine, not in a sneeking around kinda way tho.

for example if he gets a text he'll read it out or show it to me then i'll start browsing seeing who else has text him in a nosey way and he does the same with my phone.

LaurieFairyCake · 04/05/2010 15:16

No, not once. Don't even know what it looks like. he is very uninterested in his phone and its regularly off or out of charge.

addictedisinthesecondtrimester · 04/05/2010 15:16

i also open his mail and listen to his answer phone messages, but again he does the same with me!

StarExpat · 04/05/2010 15:23

same here as addictedisinthesecondtrimester (phew! long name! ). Often, DH wants me to send an email for him from his account (he has a lot on at the moment) and I don't mind. We're open. No secrets.

hellymelly · 04/05/2010 15:26

No I never have,or his emails.Wouldn't occur to me to check ,I have no reason to ,I trust him.I suppose if I was with someone who made me suspicious then I might be tempted,but I think if someone made me that suspicious I would be questioning if I wanted the relationship anyway.

PuppyMonkey · 04/05/2010 15:37

I don't check and it wouldn't occur to me to do that either. But on the other hand, I know he also trusts me to look through his texts... say if he was upstairs and his phone was downstairs and he shouted down to me to just have a look at one of his texts for some reason (maybe he needed a phone number or an email address or something and was too lazy to walk downstairs ).

We have a shared email address. Can't be arsed sorting out sep accounts.

mountainmonkey · 04/05/2010 15:45

Nope,I never ever check his phone or his email. If you don't trust and respect your partner then why are you with them?

addictedisinthesecondtrimester · 04/05/2010 15:48

mountain i trust dh, and he trusts me, i'm just nosey!

mountainmonkey · 04/05/2010 16:08

Fair enough

saslou · 04/05/2010 16:18

I think lots of women do check(if their dh has given them a reason to not entirely trust them in the past}. The people who don't check are the ones who've never been given cause to be suspicious or who are good at forgiveness/trust.

CheerfulYank · 04/05/2010 16:18

Same as addicted. I do occasionally b/c I'm bored and a snoopy person in general.
Usually I do it in front of him, he says "get out of my phone you weirdo,", throws a pillow at my head, and all's right with the world.

MrsC2010 · 04/05/2010 16:25

No, I don't. If I'm bored in the car or something random then I'll play games on his phone or whathaveyou so I have easy access. If a text comes in and he is in the other room I'll tell him who its from (you can see without opening it) and see if her wants me to open it. More often or not he does, and vie versa.

I have checked a prtner's phone before. I had reason to believe etc...and I was right. Ditched him pretty quick sharp. But I have no such suspicions about DH nor can I see myself having.

NancysGarden · 04/05/2010 16:27

I used to. Madly. That was after he had an affair: trouble was I was PG and didn't want to split so continued in a hormonal mess for about 2 years.

I don't do it any more and if I did think I still needed to as many others have said, I wouldn't be with him.

WorzselMummage · 04/05/2010 16:31

Sometime out of boredom I do.

I trust him completly, I wouldn't be marrying him
in two weeks if I didn't

GeekOfTheWeek · 04/05/2010 16:34

No.

But I would if I suspected he was up to no good.

HairExtensions · 04/05/2010 16:41

i would, without a moments hesitation or guilt, if i thought he was up to something that he shouldn't be.

I listen to his voicemails (from his mother)and i delete them before he listens to them as they are usually very nasty (but he knows about this and wants me to do it)

Hullygully · 04/05/2010 16:44

We look at each other's because neither of us can be bothered to pass on the dull minutae, so it's a quick way to keep up. Ditto emails.

knickyknocks · 04/05/2010 16:47

hullygully - you look at each other's texts and e-mails because neither of you can be bothered to pass on the dull minutae??! I'd hate me and my DP to be like that. I would never check his phone or e-mail. Trust him implicitly and we talk to each other about our day.

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