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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that my 6yo DD shouldn't be eating an 8oz steak

111 replies

bratnav · 03/05/2010 20:09

DDs came back from a weekend at their fathers today. DD2 mentioned that they had been out to lunch yesterday with Daddy, aunty and cousin and she had a steak.

exH then stated proudly that he had ordered adult meals as it was 2for1 (only on adult meals) and both DDs had finished the plateful DD1 had a carvery and DD2 had an 8oz steak with peas and chips I understand that it was a good deal, but couldn't he have taken the excess food from their plates before they started eating?

On what planet is it ok for a parent to let 6 and 7yos overeat to this degree? I admit it is an ongoing issue between us, but FGS that is ridiculous isn't it?

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 03/05/2010 23:22

8 oz is 225g.

Just out of interest, I went to check in the fridge on the weight of the white fish portion I gave DD for her supper - two portions weigh 170g, so that was a portion of 85g. That was plenty for her - she never asks for more protein than that, and she has a very good appetite.

mumbar · 03/05/2010 23:24

mrethepoint sorry if i offended its just my ds 5 will only eat what he can and stops when full even 1/2 way through dessert. TBH tho he may not be the norm and accept that as I only have the 1 dc I could be bias and wrong!!!

runnybottom · 03/05/2010 23:30

I have never met a child who always eats whatever is put in front of them, in my years as a childminder and parent!

MintHumbug · 03/05/2010 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bonsoir · 03/05/2010 23:31

LOL, let me introduce you to the human dustbin DSS2 .

MrsThePoint · 03/05/2010 23:31

Mumbar ? I?m not offended, but it was on episode 5 of Extreme Parental Guidance, I?ve checked, that Jo Frost did a trial with 30 odd children over how much they would eat, and found that children, generally clear their plate, even if the portions are large. I am pleased your DS will only eat what he needs, that?s great, but for other people, their children will eat what?s put in front of them, and to think that regularly eating big meals is ok is actually putting their bodies under a lot of pressure, meals out at restaurants and other treats not-with-standing. We all like to indulge every now and then! I?ve told my 3yo DS that when he?s as big as Daddy he can eats meals as big as Daddy!

outnumbered2to1 · 03/05/2010 23:32

hey runny you should meet my DS2 - he'll eat what's in front of him, then in front of you, then in front of whoever else is at the table......... lol

MrsThePoint · 03/05/2010 23:33

Runnybottom - not even if it's what they like? And plenty of it?

cupcakesandbunting · 03/05/2010 23:34

Erm, my 3 y/o DS has eaten today;

Egg and soldiers
Apple
Orange
Banana
Cheese and tomato sandwich
half a carrot
3 chicken wings and chips at Nandos (FLAME )
two bowls frozen yoghurt
slice of toast before bed.

He never sits still and he's growing at a tremendous rate as the length of the trousers that fit him perfectly last week will verify. It's bank holiday. Lighten up

outnumbered2to1 · 03/05/2010 23:47

hey cupcake your DS sounds just like mine - constantly on the go - t shirts that fit fine one week are skin tight the next....

Niecie · 03/05/2010 23:56

My DS1 would always try to clear his plate. He has always had to be told to stop eating. DS2 has been much better at self regulating. However, I wouldn't give either of them an adult portion of anything on a regular basis so I can see where the OP is coming from.

I have a different issue with the 8oz steak than a lot of you seem to have. Am I alone in thinking that is an awful lot of meat for a 6 yr old? I don't like my 6 yr old eating a (100% steak) quarter pounder burger, never mind 2. Meat is incredably hard to digest and can cause constipation. I would be more worried about that in the here and now than whether she may or may not learn how to regulate her appetite and end up fat.

Maybe that is the way to challenge their father - say the huge portion of meat gave them a stomach ache rather than you were worried about them getting fat.

bubble1 · 04/05/2010 00:02

omg....i would be in seventh heaven if any of my 3 picky eaters did that!

Northernlurker · 04/05/2010 00:18

OP - I think it's a bit of a worry that you regard this one meal as gross over-consumption. Your children had a lovely time with their father. He had a lovely time with them. Now they are back with you and you can measure out their calories as much as you like so why the need to make a fuss? If you run their father down, if you run thir family down, in front of them because of weight and food you WILL give your daughters issues with food and body size. You need to be very, very careful imo.

I wouldn't take Bonsoir's advice on this point either - has she mentioned weighing her stepsons when they come back from their mum's yet?

Bonsoir · 04/05/2010 00:23

LOL, monitoring your family's weight is also a heinous crime on MN

NotanOtter · 04/05/2010 00:26

i am with the op and bonsoir
adult size potion of salad maybe but steak and chips?
what is wrong with calorie limitation? My kids eat TONNES but a couple of them are far lazier than the rest and thus burn less calories
I encourage healthy eating from the get-go

TheBossofMe · 04/05/2010 04:36

Hmmm, 2 separate issues here. One is whether it is awful to occassionally allow your kids a treat and let them eat an adult sized portion. Here, I would say YABU.

However, the second issue is whether regularly eating large amounts with no thought to portion control should be encouraged as a "good thing" and something to be proud of. Which it clearly isn't. So here YANBU.

Portion control is the cause of so many weight issues - I wince sometimes when I'm with friends who complain about the fact that they can't lose any weight even when they eat healthily, only then to watch them eat a vast amount of admittedly healthy food (one friend regularly will eat 2 salmon steaks or half a chicken as part of her dinner

SofaQueen · 04/05/2010 05:59

I'm with the side thinking that 8oz steak plus chips and peas is too much for a 6 year old, even occasionally. By overeating occasionally, her daughter will learn to ignore her own body's message of satiety which is the road to weight problems.

However, I have yet to meet a young child who finishes his/her plate. Never have seen it yet, and am baffled that Supernanny had a whole table full of children who cleaned up their plates!

royalmess · 04/05/2010 06:44

Instinctively I wouldn't want my dcs eating adult portions. But I can see both sides of the argument.

So, how to get the balance in that case? Because I do all the shopping and cooking I still have a lot of control over what my family eats. However I can see that getting less already as my dcs get older. When we were on holiday over easter and eating out more I could see a difference in dd(9) after only 2 weeks of eating less healthily and more quantity. Now she's back to the way she was before so I'm not concerned.

However I've noticed that she doesn't self-regulate that well, maybe some people just don't for whatever reason? In a party situation, for example, with a buffet-type meal, she would want all 3 different puddings. I told her 2 kinds was enough last time, and she was annoyed at me (she's often annoyed at me in general but suspect that's hormone-related!). I suspect she wants all the food because it's there, not because she's actually hungry.

So how do we encourage our dcs to be sensible about portion control without giving them unhealthy attitudes to food?

gorionine · 04/05/2010 06:58

I think there are different "schools" of food and sometimes it is a generational thing. Grandma (even a skinny one) is more likely to say something like "finish your plate and you will grow up!" our generation more likely to say "Do not eat too much or you will get fat!" There has got to be a thinking in the middle but I think we are conditionned to think one way or the other.

Personnally I do not see a problem if it is occasionally (can lso go on for a periode, IME, and is usually followed by said DC growing a inch in a day -in length may I add- Children can then go several days eating less or next to nothing and sort of "self regulate" (unless we are talking chocolate and ice cream in which case keeping an eye out to avoid exess is a reasonable thing to implement every time -a bit of it is ok, too much is not-.

NottanOtter, I can see where you are commng from but when you say :

"what is wrong with calorie limitation? My kids eat TONNES but a couple of them are far lazier than the rest and thus burn less calories
I encourage healthy eating from the get-go "

Do you limit the calories intake of all of them or just the ones who are "lazier"? I am asking because it is an issue I have with lunch pack policies for example that think "one diet fits all" and I am a believer in "eat healthy food in the equantity that your life style requires" In practice it means that I do try and encourage DS3 and DD4 to finish their plate because they do not eat much but are always on the go. DD1 and DS2 usually finish what is on their plates, sometimes ask for a second helping but are very active too so no issue.

gorionine · 04/05/2010 07:11

"In a party situation, for example, with a buffet-type meal, she would want all 3 different puddings. I told her 2 kinds was enough last time, and she was annoyed at me (she's often annoyed at me in general but suspect that's hormone-related!). I suspect she wants all the food because it's there, not because she's actually hungry."

We were in that situation two years ago on holiday as the hotel we stopped was serving a buffet for breakfast and the evening meal. For the first couple of days , the DCs had eyes bigger than their tummies, not only did they want to try everything but everything in the portion they would usually have of one thing (but then leaving half of it on their plate because it was too much, the food got wasted and I hate that). When they realised (with a bit of help) that indeed, they could have a bit of most things if they had less of it they regulated themselves because there was not anymore the feeling of maybe "missing out" on something they would like to try. I think the curiosity they haveto eat things they do not get every day should be encouraged but it can take a couple of meals for them to realise that they do not need to eat it all in the same meal.

fidelma · 04/05/2010 07:40

mrsthepoint that was a good website.

Sorry I wasn't clear I did mean unhealthy snacks,crisps,biscuits,chocolate,sugary drinks.

My children have at least 3 snacks a day.they are allowed to help themselves to healthy snacks, fruit,veg and they can ask for nuts,dried fruit and cereal bars.(of course they also ask for sweets etc!!!)

royalmess · 04/05/2010 07:49

Yes gorionine in retrospect I should have offered her mini-portions of all 3 puddings and I'll do that next time. Instead she had already had 2 normal size puddings and was asking for some of the third one, which I thought was too much! We're talking chocolate cake, cheesecake, meringues etc - I seriously thought she might throw up!

Bonsoir · 04/05/2010 09:19

"So how do we encourage our dcs to be sensible about portion control without giving them unhealthy attitudes to food?"

By being knowledgeable about nutrition, and passing on that knowledge (= education) to our DCs.

A healthy lifestyle is like anything else, the product of education and skills. It doesn't come "naturally".

OtterInaSkoda · 04/05/2010 09:34

I absolutely agree with the 'me sized meals' thing, but rather think that an 8oz steak and chips is me sized (or rather 6yo sized*). Perhaps not every day, but once a week is fine, surely.

  • That's the right size for a 6yo. Not the size of a 6yo. That would be too much
tittybangbang · 04/05/2010 09:48

YANBU

I married into a family where adults consistently serve up adult size portions to th children. My dc's cousins are almost all very overweight.

SIL says - 'Oh but they're hungry!' as she dishes up yet another helping'. They're hungry because their stomachs have been stretched by stupid portion sizes. Not good.