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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that my 6yo DD shouldn't be eating an 8oz steak

111 replies

bratnav · 03/05/2010 20:09

DDs came back from a weekend at their fathers today. DD2 mentioned that they had been out to lunch yesterday with Daddy, aunty and cousin and she had a steak.

exH then stated proudly that he had ordered adult meals as it was 2for1 (only on adult meals) and both DDs had finished the plateful DD1 had a carvery and DD2 had an 8oz steak with peas and chips I understand that it was a good deal, but couldn't he have taken the excess food from their plates before they started eating?

On what planet is it ok for a parent to let 6 and 7yos overeat to this degree? I admit it is an ongoing issue between us, but FGS that is ridiculous isn't it?

OP posts:
mollybob · 03/05/2010 20:33

Probably less calories in a plate of steak and peas than a McDonald's meal followed by dessert

Some days my kids eat loads and other days not so much

I think YAB(a little)U

SixtyFootDoll · 03/05/2010 20:33

Gosh how cruel
Taking his daughters out for lunch and buying them steak.

Steak is healthy by the way , protein, iron, etc;

winnybella · 03/05/2010 20:34

YABU.
I would understand if he let them eat 3 packets of crisps and a Mars bar each.

Steak is a healthy food, lots of iron and other stuff, if they ate, then they were hungry.

FWIW, both my kids are dedicated carnivores, and my ds can eat that much easily. Both are very skinny (well, dd is 15m, so not skinny skinny obviously, but not plump).

It seems to me you're a bit controlling. Also, don't make a big deal out of food, as that can lay ground for eating disorders in the future for your dds.

GypsyMoth · 03/05/2010 20:34

and he's their dad....his business what he decides to feed them!

SolidGoldBrass · 03/05/2010 20:35

Sorry, OP, you are controlling and risk passing your food issues onto your DDs. It's not unreasonable to buy an adult meal for DC if it's better value, as long as there is no insistence that they eat every bite, but even so eating possibly more than they need once in a while is no bad thing. Don't make your DDs feel guilty about enjoying food.

cory · 03/05/2010 20:35

Does 'encourage' mean more than that he ordered it and paid for it though? If he nagged at them to eat up, then yes, that is not good. But if they were allowed to stop eating, then I don't see a problem. They could have stopped eating.

I also have a stick thin ds who will occasionally eat more than any adult present, but then go back to living on thin air for days on end. I don't see a problem, as long as he knows how to self-regulate.

winnybella · 03/05/2010 20:38

Oh, and just read Bonsoir's post. I think kids at 6 or 7 spend so much energy and grow so fast that it is not unheard of them eating adult portions. DS is 8 and eats as much as we do and is very skinny (ribs sticking out skinny). I rember being little and eating half a chicken and chips with my dad quite often and I've always been skinny.
Nothing wrong with steak fgs.

Bonsoir · 03/05/2010 20:40

winnybella - I think that the OP is worried that her exH is going to pass on his family's overweight/overeating habits to his DDs. And she has my every sympathy. I have stopped my DD's paternal grandparents from taking DD out to lunch. They always fed her an adult-sized restaurant portion of sausage and chips, followed by an adult sized chocolate mousse.

GetThePartyStarted · 03/05/2010 20:42

FWIW a six year old girl should be getting around 1545 calories a day, wheras an adult woman would need around 1940 so eating an adult portion at one meal is not going to be that much extra, and something like steak and veg is pretty healthy.

Thediaryofanobody · 03/05/2010 20:42

YABU and controlling. I assume it's ok for their father to question you about how much and what they eat?
Most kids meals in restaurants are absolute crap I'd be glad he got them some real food.

runnybottom · 03/05/2010 20:43

How very sad for your dd and her grandparents, that they are denied by you.

Morloth · 03/05/2010 20:44

DS is 6 and could easily put away an 8oz (about 230gms?) steak on one of his hungry days.

If this is a habit then it is a problem, if it is a special "going out for lunch and maybe having a bit too much good stuff" then there is no problem.

DS's ribs are also visible because he burns it. Unlike an adult, if he had that much food he wouldn't be sleepy he would be up and running because it would have refueled him.

Bonsoir · 03/05/2010 20:44

They can still see one another! Just not lunch outings!

Thediaryofanobody · 03/05/2010 20:48

Bloody hell Bonsoir get a grip why should they be banned from eating with family!
Fathers have equal rights now a days even when divorced he still gets to decide what they do during his time with his children.

Original poster
bratnav · 03/05/2010 20:48

Actually you are all right, it's not about the amount of food, if it was a one off I wouldn't mind at all, it's the ongoing encouragement of overeating that bothers me, this was just an example of it. He seems to bestow huge approval on them for eating lots (like third helpings) and it's every time he has them. Sorry, didn't mean to do AIBU by stealth.

DH and I are really neutral when it comes to food with the DCs, we give a really wide range of foods, from rice and dahl one night to fish and chips the next. There is almost always the option of seconds if they ask for them. I'd really like to think that we have and are passing on a healthy attitude towards food.

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 03/05/2010 20:49

What are you so excited about, exactly?

JeMeSouviens · 03/05/2010 20:49

As it's an ongoing problem YANBU. If it was a one off you would be.

DHs DD doesn't eat just because she was hungry. She was eating because the food was there or because she saw someone else with food, to the point of making herself ill. She was overweight, but with MIL always commenting on it, and putting her on diets to slim her down, I can guarantee she will now have problems with food for life. She gets the same message at her mums house.

I've been quite suprised now that I have a DC, as I assumed that the above was normal (apart from the eating until ill part of it). But DS will just eat until he has had enough, including biscuits, cakes, sweets etc... He can be half way through a biscuit and put it aside, whereas his sister cannot.

Just do what you can in your household to instill good eating habits and encourage them to only eat until they feel satisfied.

winnybella · 03/05/2010 20:49

Bonsoir- that may be the case, but I just to fail to see what's wrong with an adult portion for a 7 yo- though perhaps sans mousse au chocolat

nickschick · 03/05/2010 20:50

I dont think my hungry gannets sons have ever eaten a child sized meal and been satisfied.

I think you are OTT.

PixieOnaLeaf · 03/05/2010 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lou031205 · 03/05/2010 20:53

Oh my goodness, an adult portion of chocolate mousse

Bonsoir, I think that your attitudes to food are frankly worrying and Bratnav could do a whole lot worse than ignore your advice, tbh.

tasmaniandevilchaser · 03/05/2010 20:55

Thinking back to my own personal experience, YANB all that U. I agree with majority of posters that steak isn't unhealthy, but I get your point that it's the overeating that's the issue for you, not what they eat.

I had a similar issues as a child - being encouraged by 1 parent to eat past the point of fullness - and it has stayed with me, I've found it a very hard habit to break. I remember my Mum being really cross with my Dad about encouraging me to eat, I didn't get it then, but I do now.

On the positive side, kids do burn up the calories and it sounds like just an occasional treat. If you're giving them consistent messages on sensible eating, then that's all you can do.

Original poster
bratnav · 03/05/2010 20:56

Neither DD is overweight btw, but when they go to their fathers house for a week in the holidays (2-3 times a year) you can actually see the difference in them.

I did not and will never comment or show reaction in front of them on this issue for exactly the good reasons you have all mentioned.

OP posts:
Thediaryofanobody · 03/05/2010 20:59

Bonsoir This is what I'm 'excited' about: They can still see one another! Just not lunch outings!

LisaD1 · 03/05/2010 21:11

OP- I can kind of see where you're coming from as we have a similar "issue" with DD1. Her father and his side of the family are all big and have an unhealthy relationship with food (as, may I confess am I - except I am know addressing my issues and losing weight/getting fit). They ALWAYS eat out on the weekends she is with them and she will proudly come home and tell us how she finished off a Rocky Horror pudding (Harvester-adult size-massive!). Also, if she is with him for any more than a week it's clearly visible that she has put on weight.

Now - here's where I disagree - sorry.

She (my dd) is 10yrs old, she sees her father twice a month for the weekend and for some school holidays, his idea of a nice time is to eat out. She has a great time with him/his family. She is with me and eating mainly healthily and doing lots of excercise the rest of the time so as long as that continues it can counteract the "crap food" she eats when she's with her dad.

I honestly don't think it's worth getting so wound up over (I used to!) just make sure they eat well the rest of the time and they'll be fine.