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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that my 6yo DD shouldn't be eating an 8oz steak

111 replies

bratnav · 03/05/2010 20:09

DDs came back from a weekend at their fathers today. DD2 mentioned that they had been out to lunch yesterday with Daddy, aunty and cousin and she had a steak.

exH then stated proudly that he had ordered adult meals as it was 2for1 (only on adult meals) and both DDs had finished the plateful DD1 had a carvery and DD2 had an 8oz steak with peas and chips I understand that it was a good deal, but couldn't he have taken the excess food from their plates before they started eating?

On what planet is it ok for a parent to let 6 and 7yos overeat to this degree? I admit it is an ongoing issue between us, but FGS that is ridiculous isn't it?

OP posts:

sleepingsowell · 03/05/2010 21:19

I am truly amazed actually that so many people don't see a problem with children having adult portions.

However I do think that in this situation, really there is little you can do other than request it doesn't happen (which I imagine you will already have done!) and the main thing which of course is modelling healthy eating and good portion sizes at home.

Good portion control/sensible portion size is one of the absolute most important healthy habits to gain around food.

It's not good imo to assume the children will self regulate and end up with perfect amounts; some will, which is all great and lovely, but many will just end up with an unhealthy habit of eating portion sizes too big.

Original poster

bratnav · 03/05/2010 21:29

With second helpings at our house, the deal is that anyone can have more after everyone has finished their first helping. That way we aren't denying anyone more food, but it gives a bit of breathing space for the food to go down so we can be sure they actually need more food IYSWIM.

Yes, we have have the conversation many times before, he just doesn't see that it's an unhealthy attitude to food. During our marriage he had heart investigations (suspected minor heart attack at age 37) and is morbidly obese, as is most of his family

OP posts:

OhExpletive · 03/05/2010 21:37

Does nobody else distinguish between children being given the usual kids menu staples of deep fried processed crap and being allowed proper food? Quantity isn't generally the issue with children IMO, it's the crappy fat-laden convenience foodstuffs that are fed to them that's the problem.

Personally I think it's far better to see children enjoying a large portion of something healthy once in a while than have them go out with their dad but only get controlled portions of rubbish.

I'm a lardarse and DP isn't exactly skinny, but I would never restrict my children's portions. Learning to regulate their appetite for themselves is vital and they can't do that if their intake is dictated by their parents. Offering a range of healthy foods seems to be what's advised - provided your ex is conscious of what that means I'm not sure that making a big fuss about quantities is in your children's best interests.

sleepingsowell · 03/05/2010 21:44

I think people were concentrating on portion sizes because the meals described were steak etc, not turkey twizzlers etc.

I agree that childre do need to learn to regulate their appetite themselves; it's just that I don't think they can if they are given adult portions - the very natural result being the child eats because it's there, very possibly past the point that they would have felt full enough at if the plate were smaller. Also agree with bratnav's hugely sensible idea of everyone waiting for second helpings; because often when the food has had a chance to 'go down' the child is simply not hungry any more

I don't think it's at all easy for kids TO learn to regulate their own appetites, unless it is done within these sort of (adult imposed) boundaries.

bruxeur · 03/05/2010 21:49

It sounds like the OP is the one with the food issues tbh.

Original poster

bratnav · 03/05/2010 22:18

Nope sorry, no food issues here, I would just prefer it it my DDs don't end up morbidly obese and miserable because of it.

OP posts:

bruxeur · 03/05/2010 22:23

Lol. That is both exactly what happens when you eat a steak, and a very convincing counter-argument.

sleepingsowell · 03/05/2010 22:23

bratnav you sound very sensible around food, to me!

Bonsoir · 03/05/2010 22:32

sleepingsowell - I completely agree with you that portion control is absolutely key to maintaining a healthy, stable weight. That, and a balanced diet, are key.

Children do not all self-regulate: my DSSs have been brought up identically, DSS1 always self-regulates and DSS2 slurped his bottle down at breakneck speed from day one and has to intellectualise his food intake.

Original poster

bratnav · 03/05/2010 22:38

bruxeur - as I have already stated this is not about 1 meal. Please read all my posts before you get sneery with me.

OP posts:

Bonsoir · 03/05/2010 22:40

bratnav - this is a touchy subject on MN. I had a similar thread that went * up. Apparently the consensus is that parents can feed their children whatever they please, anytime they like, and are never, ever wrong .

Original poster

bratnav · 03/05/2010 22:44

thanks bonsoir, no idea why I even posted this, got more important things to worry about really, guess it is a distraction from the serious stuff. (tis true though, before anyone shouts troll)

OP posts:

bruxeur · 03/05/2010 22:45

I have read all your posts on this thread. I still think you're the one with the odd attitude towards food.

You do realise that you asked whether you are being unreasonable, and if you think the situation you described was "ridiculous"? And that most people disagree with you?

I'm just trying to help you understand why this might be the case.

bruxeur · 03/05/2010 22:46

"you think" should be "whether" again.

MrsThePoint · 03/05/2010 22:49

Bonsoir & Bratnav, FWIW, after watching Jo Frost, on extreme parenting I think, show that children will eat whatever is put in front of the, regardless of amount, and those given the smaller ?me sized? potion are as happy with their meal as the over-eaters, I do agree that potion control is a vital issue! It?s actually something I have issues with my PIL about. I think you have a healthy attitude to food, and ?me sized meals? are important.

MrsThePoint · 03/05/2010 22:52

'potion control' - portion!

sleepingsowell · 03/05/2010 22:55

Yes - 'me sized meals' are one of the main thrusts of the govts recent fit for life campaign. It's a really good, easy, healthy habit to get in, imo.

fidelma · 03/05/2010 22:55

I think it is the parents resposablilty to feed their children healthy food.Steak yes,fake chicken in batter no.

There is nothing wrong with adult sized meals as long as it is not followed by rubbish snacks.

In my experience it is the snacking that is the problem not the meals.

We owe it to our children to get then to adulthood in the best possible condition both physically and mentally.

mumbar · 03/05/2010 23:06

Oh glad you weren't sat at table next to my friend and our dc's at the restuarant today. Dread to think what you would have thought of us!!! DC's ate a ridiculous amount!

If a child is hungrey they'll eat a full plate if they're not they won't. simple as.

Sorry but yabu but I also think there are other issues with u and exh and I feel for you.

mumbar · 03/05/2010 23:12

oh and just to add we are talking about eating out which I find in general always leads to larger portions and doesn't happen very often.

MrsThePoint · 03/05/2010 23:13

Fidelma, snacks are not a problem ? especially for children who need a regular source of energy. We should all eat little and often. Snacks like fruit are ideal. I don?t manage to eat healthily all the time, but I do know an apple is better than a bar of choc. Info. on snacks here plus info. on Me Size Meals

Mumbar, yes, if a child is hungrey they'll eat a full plate, but if the portion is right for them they'll be happy, and if it's too big, they'll still eat it and it is not healthy for them.

MrsThePoint · 03/05/2010 23:15

Snacks link here

bibbitybobbityhat · 03/05/2010 23:17

Lurking but must speak up to tell MrsThePoint that I absolutely love your user name.

(I am on the side of the fence which thinks an 8oz steak is too much for a 6 year old, btw).

MrsThePoint · 03/05/2010 23:18

outnumbered2to1 · 03/05/2010 23:20

my 3 year old DS regularly polishes off a bigger portion of food than his 6 year old big brother and if it's pasta he eats more than me.

(and if you check my profile pics you can see he looks like an Xray with a skin graft)

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