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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate this whole 'real woman' stuff?

91 replies

Dinkytinky · 03/05/2010 14:11

It just annoys me to be honest- I've got a bmi of 21 (good for my height) and a size 8, and I get fed up with tv programs etc announce that 'real women' are size 16. I've got nothing against other sizes but I just think bloody hell I'm not a 'fictional' woman am I?!

OP posts:

PatsyStone · 03/05/2010 15:30

Who says most men prefer size 16+? That's as silly as saying most men prefer women to be under size 12

sarah293 · 03/05/2010 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

thelunar66 · 03/05/2010 15:38

Agree about Gok being a woman hater. Add to that 'bully' too.

smallishsheep · 03/05/2010 15:42

Let's be honest though, unless you are extremely tall, a size 16 + is not attractive or healthy

FunnyLittleFrog · 03/05/2010 15:43

The man on the street likes a nice wobbly happy size 16 but the men (and women) with the power - the media, ad execs abd so on - prefer us to be hung up and insecure so we continue to buy their crappity diet and beauty products. They need to make us believe that to be attractive we need to be size 8 or 10 which is unattainable for many.

But they don't want to alienate bigger women so they feed us the 'real women' crap too. So everyone ends up feeling like shite.

smallishsheep · 03/05/2010 15:46

the 'wobbly happy size 16' is as much a myth as anything. I certainly was not happy at that size and would anyone really see being described as wobbly as a compliment?

drloves8 · 03/05/2010 15:46

i thoughts gok was gay....How would he know what makes a woman attractive?
think he`d have better idea if he was talking about gay men.
to hell with his naked shopping !would he be so keen on getting his plumns out in sainsburys? ....i think not

Original poster

Dinkytinky · 03/05/2010 15:49

squilly couldn't agree more!!!

And with gok- I'm sure he's a nice fella but in his fashion show he uses skinny models WTF?!?!

And this whole big bangers stuff is horrible, theyare breasts!!! Mine aren't that big, they go between a b and c depending on what shop I'm in and AND! I hate how all bigger ladies are stuck in a wrapped Cardigan with bangers out!!

OP posts:

RedRedWine1980 · 03/05/2010 15:52

Im attractive, and im a size 16 and 5'2.
In fact I get far more male attention (and did even when I was a size 8 ten years or so ago) than my stick thin friend.
Attractiveness is weird and subjective and comes in all shapes and sizes. I find it just as offensive to say a size 16 cant look attractive as to say a size 6-10 cant possibly look nice.

smallishsheep · 03/05/2010 15:55

I said attractive or healthy. That is not a healthy size to be at that height

Salbysea · 03/05/2010 15:57

my DH didn't prefer me as a wobbly size 16........
...... because I was miserable! my thighs rubbed together and got raw when I walked. My clothes dig in, my bras hurt me (even when properly fitted) I sweated a lot at night and didn't sleep well and felt generally lethargic. I had lots of back pain.

I didn't need to just accept my size and "love my curves" because
A: I have more curves as a 14 and even more as a 12. When I was size 16 and 18 the bits between my curves were filled in IYKWIM and instead of going in and out and in again, I just went out. So the big and curvy thing does not apply to me at all!
B: I was unhealthy for my size/shape. I carry weight on my tummy which is the most unhealthy way to carry weight. NOT liking being that size drove me to loose weight and gain more energy as a result. So DH prefers me to be a 12 or a 14 because I have more get-up-and-go.

I think it is true that men prefer happy women, but its wrong to say that they prefer any certain size of happy women (e.g. a happy curvy 16)

RedRedWine1980 · 03/05/2010 16:00

You know nothing about my health, however I can reliably inform you my cholesterol level IS under 5, my BP usually hovers around 110/65 and I exercise regularly, usually three times a week, sometimes five.

But thanks for thinking you know me so much better!

EricNorthmansmistress · 03/05/2010 16:00

A size 16 can certainly be attractive, and can be healthy (at my height it isn't, I'm nearly 2 stone overweight )

There is no standard as to what men find attractive, there are as many different tastes as there are men. My DH finds me attractive whatever size I happen to be, some men prefer bigger women as a rule, some prefer slimmer, some love big boobs, some love big bums, it varies massively! If you are a bigger woman then some men will not fancy you but some will. It's silly to generalise about what men find attractive.

FunnyLittleFrog · 03/05/2010 16:02

Breasts are meant to be be wobbly aren't they?

Anyway, getting male attention (if you should want it) is as much to do with attitude as anything else. I have a size 18 friend who is not partiularly pretty who gets tons of attention because she is loud and cheerful.

Salbysea · 03/05/2010 16:05

absolutely FLF
IMO the woman who is chatty and laughing will get more male attention then the one who's "pulled in that little waist" using a tie and a broach, and is "showing off those breasticles" but is stuck to the spot in uncomfortable heels and magic knickers she cant dance in!

smallishsheep · 03/05/2010 16:05

What is your bmi though? (And yes I know it is a disputed tool, but still a good measure.) I think it has almost gone too far the other way- women are sold this 'real woman' crap and start to believe it's OK to be overweight. Being a 'real woman' at a size 16 can carry as many risks as being a skinny minnie size 6. And yes, I am aware I am coming across as fatist on this thread. I can assure you I am not. Had you asked me this question a year ago, when I tipped the scales at nearly 15 stone at 5'7 I would have said O I'm attractive, the men love my curves. The truth is, my 'curves' were rolls, I looked awful and I absolutely hated myself. But hey, I was a real woman at least

sungirltan · 03/05/2010 16:11

dittany - where do u get those tshirts??
i'd love one.

meanwhile another fictional wmoan here!! i was told often when i wore an 8/10 that i was too skinny to conceive. nice. i dropped to a 6 and then i conceived dd so :-P

i don't appreciate being devalued to make other women feel better. not very sisterly but then i'm skinny so therefore i don't have feelings which need to be protected

ImSoNotTelling · 03/05/2010 16:16

ROFL @ Dittany.

(Now there's a woman with a great sense of humour )

Salbysea · 03/05/2010 16:20

and I hate QSs reply. skinny women are confident and being told their size is less sexy is just like water off a duck's back but + size women need this sort of patronizing "reassurance"

QS do you really think that being slim = being or feeling nice and gorgeous?

of all my friends, the one with least confidence who thinks she is a hideous troll is the stunning size 8 blonde. She is more worried about her lack of boobs than I am about my massive shoe polishing ones!

ImSoNotTelling · 03/05/2010 16:22

My post sounds a bit sarcy actually, it wasn't meant to be, sorry!

Miggsie · 03/05/2010 16:27

Some men like curves, some don't. Some men like boobs best, some don't (like my DH).

Most women will manage to get shagged regularly as men like having a shag.

As for being happy with yourself...well that's a philosophy class!

QS · 03/05/2010 16:35

Salbysea, sorry if my response has riled you. It was meant in a joking sort of laughing manner. I did not mean to cause any upset.

Salbysea · 03/05/2010 16:39

QS I am a bit hypersensitive because I hate seeing my fragile little friend being judged by other women who think she has it all (or has it easy, or that she gets preferential treatment or something) because she's slim and beautiful when I know that she would sell her soul to be in ANY body but her own

QS · 03/05/2010 16:43

My sister is a trim size 12, but she has arthritis and scoliosis, and abnormal growth in her thyroid (which is over active), though she is satisfied with her figure, she too would like a different body.

Dh is at times upset with me. Not because I am overweight, but because I am not fit and healthy, he worries about the future. I should be healthier, he is right. But it is hard to start exercising when you are out of shape and have a body with excess weight.

My reply was a little shallow, admittedly, but it was meant as a sort of cheeky reply. Sorry about your friend.

sungirltan · 03/05/2010 17:09

man on the street happy with a wobbly size 16?? depends what size the bloke is i reckon. dh likes being rude about fatter people a bit too much!

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