to expect DH to occasionally get up with DS in the week?

[jigglebum]

DS has recently started waking at 630 am again, after a long stretch of 7/730, or even 8 (yes I know we were spoilt!) I am a mostly SAHM and my DH works full time. This morning I suggested that perhaps he would get up as I was knackered. It did not go down well! - as I don't have to "sit in an office all day and concentrate" In the morning my DH does not need to get up until 8am, so I have had an hour and half of my day before he surfaces. He seems to feel all he needs to do in the morning is get up, shower, dress, breakfast and out - with a quick goodbye to us.

Generally I just put up with this and he does always get up one day of the weekend and is a good dad. However, AIBU - do other people just accept that the morning it is easier to do it yourself? I would not expect him to get up often. In fact this morning DS cried until he came in to me anyway as I always get him up! Just like to know that it was a reasonable request.

YABU, DC2 wakes up ay 5.30am most mornings, dh starts work at 7.30am, I would not dream of asking dh to get up with him, as he works 5 days a week.

Sorry I do agree with your DH and think your BU

I think you are being a bit U. I am a full time SAHM (not through choice) and as such, I see my role really as making life as easy as possible for my family. For me, ebing able to get dd up myself makes a much calmer morning. I get dd up at 6.45, breakfasted, dressed, groomed and ready for school. I don't get a lay in at the weekends because, and this is my fault, I go to bed at about 9 so am up by 6 at the latest.
I think I'm coming across all Suzy Homemaker and don't intend to by the way.

and just to add, she is a girl not a horse. I sort of implied that by 'groomed', I meant hair and teeth.

I find the days that I stay home with mine are far harder than the days I go to work (and I'm a lawyer), so I'm on your side.

Because I get up before my husband, if ours wakes up earlier than usual I figure well, it's only an earlier 30 minutes for me whereas it'd mean an earlier hour for him, so I get up.

But really, 6.30 is not that early. Why can't you both go to bed earlier and just get up then? That way there's no resentment about who gets to sleep in, and it's a good time of day to get things done.

I disagree. 6.30 is not an ungodly time, loads of people, me included, get up at that time for work anyway. A slightly earlier start every so often to take the pressure off you is not unreasonable. 5.30 would be a little different IMO.

I think it depends (says she sitting on the fence).

Firstly how old is your DS? Does he have a nap when you do have the opportunity for a break later in the day? What time does your DH get home from work? What does he do in the evening? does he work a really long day? Or do lots to help out when he gets home? Do you get a lie in at weekends?

As PPs have said 6.30 is not really outlandishly early.

As he's getting to stay in bed until 8am every morning of the week and you are up at 6:30am, no, YANBU to ask him on the odd occasion to get up an hour and a half earlier. Why should your day be 6:30am - bed and his 8am - bed and he automatically needs the most sleep because he "works full time". What do you do then? Not work at all? Being a SAHM isn't exactly a breeze.

My H used to be the same when our first was born. Now we have a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old, he works at least 48 hr weeks, shifts, days and nights and he still gets up with the kids at 6:30am and lets me have a lie in if he is off to work at 11am or 3pm. It's not asking much IMO.

Thanks for your replies so far. I can see both sides of the argument (now it is not 630am!) I agree that 630 is not that early, I think it is the fact he lies in bed for an hour and a half whilst we are up that is the issue and he won't get up until the last minute (never has!)

My DS is 22 months and has rececntly dropped his sleep most days (except in the car) so I don't really get a rest in the day. DH does work hard and has quite a stressful job and is good with DS in the evenings - doing the bath if he is in in time and playing with him.

I would never expect him to do it every morning - just occasionally - perhaps once a week. In reality it will stay as it is at present, I think I just needed to rant!

Actually I don't see any reason why your DH couldn't get up, say, half an hour earlier to give you a chance to have a shower /cup of tea/whatever in peace.

Could you suggest that, perhaps? If he really thinks he's NBU to not actually get up with your Ds?

FWIW, although my DH doesn't get up with ds2 in the week, because he's up and gone by 7 anyway and ds is not usually awake until then, if ds2 needs attention during the night DH usually gets up to him as he is easily able to get back to sleep and I'm not. He also gets up with him at weekends.

Wow 6.30 would be luxury for me! I wake up at 5am, out the door by 5.30, and get back from work at about 7pm..

Given the choice I'd love to get up at 6.30 and spend some time with my DS before work.

It sounds like your bedtime is too late, if 8am seems like early.

Overall though I would love to swap places with DW and be a SAHD if it were possible, and if I did that, I'd fully accept all that entailed such as early child care, so i think YAB a bit U.

Surely he would like to spend a bit of time with his family in the morning. Could have breakfast together.
Weird that he thinks its ok to lie in bed while you are looking after his child.

U should just go to be when he comes home.

Should just go to bed that was meant to be.

YABU a little. Id your DH works full time and earns enough to allow you the luxury of being a SAHM then getting up with the little one in the morning doesnt seem unreasonable. One day each at the weekend sounds fair when you are both at home..

I work and my DH is a SAHD. We take it in turns in the morning to get up when DD wakes up about 6.30. YANBU to expect him to get up before 8 and help you out.

I read something very sensible once (maybe even on MN ) - if you are a SAHParent, then your job is looking after the children. During working hours.

So after the end of the working day (or before it starts in the morning), you are both in the same boat, your "working day" has finished so you should share the work. I think there's some sense in saying a parent who WOTH and, say, has to drive to work or whatever might need more unbroken sleep but in general I think this working hours/rest of the day thing works well for us.

Looking after children is hard work too. I work half a week and find my work days infinitely easier than my at-home days.

Ah, x-post with Leningrad's second one. Yes, that's what I was trying to say about 24 hours in the day.

YANBU - I'm in a similar position, SAHM, kids up at 6.30am. dh and I get up together and share the breakfast/getting dressed thing, take it in turns to have a lie in at the weekend.

Of course he should be getting up

'sitting in an office' all day will still be do-able if he's up at 6.30, many many people do this and have done for a loooooong time

He's being an arse. His attitude is "I buy myself out of any responsibility in the morning because I go to an office"

It's pathetic. He's a father and the responsibility is there all the time.

Somehow, I manage to get up at 6am every day and "sit in an office" and I'm still here, amazingly!

Don't let him get away with it. As you can tell, this makes me a bit cross. Because he's missing out on a chance to show his son a good example of an involved modern day father instead of a man who can only manage to lie in bed and then get himself ready for work as if he's a single man

my dp gets up for work at 4.30 during the week and gets up with dd at 6.30 at least once at the weekend because he enjoys having that time with her (and he can watch soccer am ) i'm usually awake anyway but leave them to it, its lovely to hear her chattering to him and laughing and playing, shes always in a good mood in the morning

tbh i'd say yanbu to ask him to maybe once a week... what happens at the weekends?

YANBU in that I would go truly insane if I didn't sometimes get to sleep until 8, and because it is a pain really having to crawl through the early hours when someone is asleep upstairs - although tbh we all get up together about one day a month - one of us is always sleeping in, but we are NOT a morning couple. YABU a tiny bit in that he is doing one day a week at the weekend. Also because you haven't mentioned who does bedtime. I do the vast majority of the mornings (certainly not all of them) but dh does the vast majority of the bedtimes. I get grumpy in the mornings but oh boy it's nice to be eating my dinner at 6 knowing that I'm free all the way from there! YANBU certainly if he's not doing bedtimes either.

My DH gets up same time as me, i have a shower ( as am OCD about showers in the morning ) whilst he gives DS breakfast, makes his lunch for work etc, by the time im showered, dressed etc, its time for DH to go to work, and DS come up for his shower, then i take over and get DS ready etc.

Weekends i usually get a lay in sunday when theres sport on etc, and him a sat unless we are doing something/going somewhere etc.

My DH likes the 20 mins or so with DS in the morning as otherwise he wouldn't see him at all until gone 5pm, then only spend 2 hours with him on a weekday evening.

I wouldn't want to go to work having not seen my child in the morning etc.

YANBU to ask for a occasional lay in during the weekend.

thesecondcoming, sounds like you and I have the same lazy bastarding twat DP.

Lucky, lucky us.

OP, YANBU.