to expect DH to occasionally get up with DS in the week?

[jigglebum]

DS has recently started waking at 630 am again, after a long stretch of 7/730, or even 8 (yes I know we were spoilt!) I am a mostly SAHM and my DH works full time. This morning I suggested that perhaps he would get up as I was knackered. It did not go down well! - as I don't have to "sit in an office all day and concentrate" In the morning my DH does not need to get up until 8am, so I have had an hour and half of my day before he surfaces. He seems to feel all he needs to do in the morning is get up, shower, dress, breakfast and out - with a quick goodbye to us.

Generally I just put up with this and he does always get up one day of the weekend and is a good dad. However, AIBU - do other people just accept that the morning it is easier to do it yourself? I would not expect him to get up often. In fact this morning DS cried until he came in to me anyway as I always get him up! Just like to know that it was a reasonable request.

Am not sure I agree that if you're a SAHM its your job only in working hours.

It totally depends on what job your partner does/hours/stress they're under.

I mean I'm sat now whilst baby and ds are playing - DH is in office very very stressed. His day is harder than mine - I know - I used to work with him doing similar job.

But could you have a lie-in at the weekend?

As with all these things - I think theres no right or wrong answer - its what works for each couple/family but you need to come up with a solution which is fair to you both.

Agree with Lenin and Norkily - my dh gets up with dd if she wakes - any time from 5-6am and then gets dressed and leaves at 7am. I get up about 6.30 and do breakfasts/getting the dcs up etc - we are a team and so we work as a team. This works on the days I go into the office and the days I stay at home.

Besides which he would only get to see the dc for an hour in the week otherwise which would really upset him.

I hate sahm creep - ie the way that sahm take on more and more of the work - I see it in my friends and find it saddening - its like the frog in the boiling water.

but if the deal is he works you sahm,then yabu.hes at work your gassing on mn.hard at it then

If your husband wasn´t getting up until 8am(??!!)- I might think yabu.

But surely he could compromise & get up at say 7.30?

wow feeling guilty now because DH is full-time work in a stressful job, and we do alternate days for getting up... i do work 2 days/week in my defence.

i do agree tho it seems a bit unhealthy for your DH to be so absent from home life even when he is there. think getting up to have breakfast altogether is a great idea and surely much healthier in terms of modelling good family behaviour for your little one?

6.30 seems early when you've not been waking for another 1-2 hours - but it's not so early he couldn't function in an office (I have to admit to being very curious what job he does and how far his commute is that he can still be in bed at 8 on a weekday morning?!), so there's no reason why he can't get up with you every morning and get some stuff done around the house, spend time with DS while you shower etc or if it suits you both better, take it in turns.

I do agree that when one of you WOTH and the other SAH that the SAH parents should do more of the 'middle of the night' parenting, simply because they usually have more opportunity for a slower day/short nap/dvd time etc - but if both of you have a full on day, nightime 'duties' should be shared as well!!

This kind of knobbish behaviour is the kind of thing that slowly erodes a relationship....

As others have said, YABU for thinking 0630 is early. I have got up that time or far earlier every day of my working life.

DS1 used to get up excruciatingly early (before 5 often) and we had a system that worked very well for us. One would lie in, the other would get up, but then the lier in would take over and the early riser would get a shower. Thus we each had time to ourselves in the morning, but it alternated whether it was sleep or wash.

I am a SAHM and also better at coping without sleep so if it was horrifically early, I'd do the getup.

DS1's best time first thing in the morning. I would read my way through Beatrix Potter with him, try out really long books from the library and DH would build really fantastic stuff out of Duplo with him. Not something I'd want to miss out on, and I kind of miss it now it's changed.

your daughter is at school so what do you do during day?not like she up at 0630 and you on go all day is it

the secondcoming, I can almost smell the annoyance coming off you! LOL at leisurely shit

OP, OK he works, but not unreasonable for him to do a couple of mornings no? after all you likely go to bed at same time, so why only you wake earlier?? Thats a good negotiation point IMO

I am FT working Mum, however DC go to bed so late that they are not up in the mornings, which is quite nice as I can have coffee/make up in peace

if all you have on your plate is getting up, and dd go school.leaving you alone for day you have no gripe.and no he shouldnt get up earlier because it suits you.

YANBU.

My dh always takes our ds in the morning.

Dh takes ds into the bathroom where he sits in a bouncy chair while dh showers (and sings very loudly to keep him amused!), then he gets him changed and they have breakfast together downstairs. I lie in from 6.30 to 7.30 and then it's all systems are go for me. My ds doesn't nap so it's a great little break for me.

Dh started this but I think it's great.. we are hoping to have three under 5 at some point in the future and then no one will have a lie in, so it's great that we're setting up 'divide and conquer' mentality for the future.

YANBU.
My DH gets up 6.30am to give DS1 breakfast. I feed DS2 and normally come downstairs between 7.30 and 8. But DS2 is 7 weeks old and I'm up 4-5 times in night (DH sleeps in another room).
DH also lets me nap in evening if I'm shattered.
BUT I guess with a newborn tis a bit different.
I still think when both kids sleep through, if I was feeling very tired, DH would be happy to take the lead in the morning every so often.

yadefnbu

dh does this sometimes and i don't mind (sometimes), particularly if i know he IS knackered. but staying at home and looking after everyone IS hard, and its also more than full time iyswim - mornings and evenings too - particularly if you cook, clean etc etc. tbh though it is the only time dh gets with ds as he is home too late, so i am like, get out of bed you lazy arse - 6:30 is not that early!!!!

tell him to get his arse out of bed and help, and give you one lie in at the weekend!

you can't say fairer than that!

i would agree with those who have said sahm not as stressfull per se - although am more sleepy than when i worked as am up in the night.

also you can chill while the baby naps or whatever.

i suppose it depends on the rest of the homelife.

but if dd at school and her only task as mum is getting her up it is hardly onerous.then having long period of time to self,and time to mn, whilst her dh at work

he should help over weekends,but not get up early on work day that is unreasonable

ds is 22 months scottishmummy and won't sleep in the day

Message withdrawn

sorry whose ds is 22mths?you or op

so why dont you?whats stopping you

ok,thanks

theOP's

Work isn't inherently stressful while SAH not. Everything's variable. Sometimes I can't believe my luck being at home on mat leave: sunny days with a sunny baby, long walks in the park and leisurely cakes with fellow mums etc. Heavenly.

Other days (primarily when teeth coming through) I find myself up to my oxters in poo and drool, fruitlessly trying to vacuum up the many clumps of my own hair strewn all over the house. On those days it rains, there is endless washing and invariably a sleepy baby who refuses to nap, remaining instead in pursuit of constant diversion, while holding me to ransom with a blood-curdling scream if not being held in my arms. On those days, I find SAH infinitely more stressful than going to work ever was.