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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that these men were extraordinarily rude..?

64 replies

legallyblond · 29/04/2010 10:29

Has such a horrid journey in to work today... first, I got on and there were no seats. Not the end of the world. I am nearly 19 weeks pregnant and do definately have a bump, but I was wearing a loose top and, to be fair, people can't always tell if someone is fat or pregnant... I thought I would be ok standing.

But then the line had severe delays and was stop/start/stop/start/jolt/jolt/ etc and boiling hot for ages and ages. After about half an hour of going nowhere fast, I literally thought I was about to pass out, so I asked the two men next to me, who were sitting in the "priority" seats, if I could possibly sit down as I felt ill (and I am also fairly clearly pregnant of course, but I didn't actually say that). THEY SAID NO!!! They both just grunted and shook their heads! I was literally swaying by this time, but thankfully, a woman form the other end of the carriage noticed and gave me her seat... I still feel a bit sick

AIBU to think that these men really should have given up their seats, if not immediately, then certainly when I said I felt ill?

OP posts:

ILoveGregoryHouse · 29/04/2010 10:30

Nope YANBU, definitely. Gits.

GypsyMoth · 29/04/2010 10:30

of course not.but you know that!!

mistressploppy · 29/04/2010 10:32

You should have said you were pregnant. YANBU, they should have moved when you said you felt ill, but people are twats - you should have given them both barrels!

Never bank on people noticing a bump, IME folk are usually oblivious

OTTMummA · 29/04/2010 10:34

i hope they get massive piles and can't sit down for weeks hahahaha!
YADNBU - they are twats

emsyj · 29/04/2010 10:34

Gosh, that's unbelieveable!!! I would have said to them in a very stern and loud voice, 'you are sitting in the priority seats which are for those who are disabled, pregnant or less able to stand. I am pregnant. I would like to sit down.' But I suspect they still wouldn't have moved.

I am 33+4 and went to London last weekend to visit some friends and was at people's attitude. I am very very obviously pregnant (and feeling quite uncomfortable at this stage) plus I had a wheelie case, but people just shoved past me and tutted at me for being slow. London is not the place for pregnant ladies!!!

Original poster

legallyblond · 29/04/2010 10:35

I know, I know... I just felt like crying instead.. Stupid pregnancy hormones!

OP posts:

OTTMummA · 29/04/2010 10:35

heres a tip btw, always walk onto a bus/train/cafe with a hand protecting your bump, people will always pick up on that

YesYouMust · 29/04/2010 10:36

You should have said you were pregnant, you said yourself it can be hard to tell if someone is fat or pregnant. They were rude though so overall YANBU

JaneS · 29/04/2010 10:37

That is really rude. Even if you weren't pregnant, if you're feeling sick you should be able to sit down!

Shame you didn't try a few boak-noises while leaning over them ... bet they'd have moved then!

emsyj · 29/04/2010 10:38

Oh yes yes yes, you definitely should have been sick on them!!!! That would have been instant karma.

VinegarTits · 29/04/2010 10:41

mistressploppy is right about people being oblivous, i was in a bar with some friends when i was about 6mths pg (and rather large bump) and a guy started chatting my up he was completely oblivous until i told him (but he was probably pissed )

I would have said 'im pg and have morning sickness, im think im goign to be....(then aimed you mouth in their direction)'

paisleyleaf · 29/04/2010 10:42

They can't have realised you were pregnant surely.But YANBU I can't imagine refusing the seat to anyone who asks for whatever reasons.

Elemental · 29/04/2010 10:49

Agree about obliviousness - was with a friend when we bumped into his ex-wife who had a huge 7-8 month pregnant bump, he talked to her for about 10 mins without noticing until I mentioned it afterwards!!

LittleMrsHappy · 29/04/2010 10:58

I think your being UR tbh, you dont know if they had medical problems etc... just because the eye does not see something, doesn't mean that their is not a valid reason for them to be sitting their.

Pregnancy is not a illness, and is not a get out clause, everybody else was more than likely hot and bothered also.

ljgibbs · 29/04/2010 11:03

YABU they may have some disability that you can't see. You're pregnant not disabled. BTW if you were 8+ months pregnant then I would say YANBU

emsyj · 29/04/2010 11:05

No, pregnancy is not an illness - but it can make you less able to stand on the tube for long periods. That's why there are designated seats for those who are disabled, pregnant or less able to stand. This covers the OP on two counts - she is pregnant, BUT only asked for the seats because she felt ill (and was therefore less able to stand up than someone who felt completely well, pregnant or not). If the men were somehow disabled and needed the seats more than she did, they could have said so. Suspect it is unlikely that this applied to both of them though.

emsyj · 29/04/2010 11:06

NB I am as mentioned above 33+4 and nobody let me sit down on the tube either, so I think it is a pervasive attitude.

LittleMrsHappy · 29/04/2010 11:09

Why does somebody have to say they are disabled so she does not get a seat, pregnant does not make you less unable to stand either!

I would be mortified if I had to ask somebody to say/prove by the eye, if they had a "right" to sit their also, a NO is a NO, you could have asked others, and in the end you got a seat.

Its all speculation also, we dont have the others persons account on the situation, and going by the OP, she is BU.

susiey · 29/04/2010 11:10

at 19 weeks pregnant you can't really tell to TBH even as a woman in this situation I struggle to tell and you don't want to offend someone.
You should have said you were pregnant.
For what its worth I am on my third pregnancy ( 20 weeks)while living in London and using tubes etc.even if you were very petite people may not offer seats till 8 months without you stating the reason.
At this stage in pregnancy would certainly not expect to be offered a seat.

emsyj · 29/04/2010 11:18

The point is that the seats are designated specifically with a notice that says 'priority seat for those who are disabled, pregnant or less able to stand'... If you don't think that is fair, then complain to Transport for London! The men were sitting in these seats, so IMO it is not unreasonable for the OP if she is pregnant and feels very unwell to ask to please sit down as she is pregnant and doesn't feel well. If they don't want to give up the priority seat then it would be courteous for them to give a reason why they should have it and not her, e.g. sorry but I am disabled and I need this priority seat.

Some people feel completely well at 19/20 weeks (I was one of them). But it's not the same for everyone. I have a close friend and also a former work colleague, both of whom passed out several times on London public transport (for a variety of reasons to do with their pregnancies) whilst at this stage of pregnancy and who reasonably did need a seat, despite not being weeble-shaped.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 29/04/2010 11:19

YANBU - if anyone asked me for my seat on the tube I would willingly give it as I would assume that they had a reason to ask. I was told 'not to travel on the tube in rush hour if you want to sit down, some of us are trying to get to work you know' when 8 months pregnant (also trying to get to work too but hey ho). People can be gits.

Headbanger · 29/04/2010 11:23

Hm. I am frequently offered a seat on the Tube. I either look pregnant or feeble or both

YANBU. The little signs explicitly state the priority seats are for pregnant women. What swine!

Jamieandhismagictorch · 29/04/2010 11:25

OP YANBU. They were gits, and I agree with BlameitontheBogey

I was stranded at a very hot airport when I was 28 weeks pg (and large) with DS1, and asked 2 people if I could sit down. Both refused. The second time, the lady said that her daughter was sitting there, so I offered to give up when she got back. She still refused. I am ashamed to say I swore at her (not like me at all)

LittleMrsHappy · 29/04/2010 11:27

I think its extremely rude to say, give me a reason to why I cant sit their, and do not think it is "courteous" at all to ask for a "reason".

She got a seat, and I still dont think these men were UR to not give OP a seat or a answer to why not, my own aunt, has lost both legs, and when walking out and about, she would be horrified if somebody asked her why she was sitting in a priority seat, she would just say No also.

Shes not being rude, she just does not want any tom, dick, or harry asking about her disability on a train full of people, and then maybe subjected to more questioning about her.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 29/04/2010 11:30

LittleMissHappy - i agree that it is possible these men were themselves disabled, however, IME of the tube, I suspect it is unlikely.

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