to feel that the school needs to help my DD instead of telling me that she may not make the grade?

[oldspice]

My DD is 8 and goes to a highly selective girls school where she has recently suffered bullying.

The teachers initially thought it was her own fault but have now discovered that other girls do see her as a 'soft' target and take advantage. My DD is one of the youngest in the class but is able to hold her own academically but not emotionally. The teachers feel that she suffers from low self esteem and friendship issues and have mentioned that it has started affecting her schoolwork as she is preoccupied in thinking about how others perceive her.

At home and in clubs outside of school she is a happy soul who has no problems in fitting in and making friends. She doesn't seem to suffer with confidence issues outside of school and when I met an independent counsellor (on the school's recommendation) the counsellor felt that she only has confidence problems at school.

If this is the case, then shouldn't the school be finding ways of helping DD regain her confidence again instead of suggesting that she will struggle at 11+ if her work doesn't improve?

I'm really not sure how to help my DD as the Counsellor does not feel she needs regular sessions but that these issues need to be resolved at school during PSHE and Circle time.

Also, I have considerd removing her but wonder if I am then teaching her to 'run away' from problems.

All advice welcome!

Just wanted to let all you kind people know how much I appreciate all the comments.

They've helped me sort out my mind. I have enlisted some 'parent power' at DD1's school and discovered amazing support from Parents who had heard comments from their DC about how my DD1 has been treated by the school.

DD1 came home yeaterday after school positively over the moon because she was rewarded for her polite manners and kindness and zoomed through her classwork so fast that she was able to help others with their work. Again, she was rewarded for this.

I was v. worried that standing up to them would result in my daughter being 'pushed out' but have resolved that if she is 'weeded' out it will be a positive as she will have a choice at 11+, and that if she 'makes the grade' she will still choose whether she wants to stay because she will have proved to herself how capable she is.

Also, I have spoken to her at length and told her that if at any time she stops wanting to go to this school, I will be delighted to let her move someplace else as she will be fab whereever she is

So proud of myself for standing up for her and making her understand that her happiness is the ONLY important thing.

Good for you oldspice-good luck! I'm sure that the fact that she knows that her happiness comes before 'performance' will give a boost to confidence.

But also remember that children are programmed to please their parents - so be prepared to be proactive, rather than waiting for her to tell you whether she's happy or not.