Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about three young kids locked in a massive 4x4 in supermarket carpark while carer shops

82 replies

ipanemagirl · 28/04/2010 23:15

I noticed the alarm was going off and saw a little head leaping about inside. Mentioned it to supermarket staff who looked concerned but were quick to say "there's nothing we can do really". I saw the woman walk out, turn the alarm off and go back to her queue. Then with no haste at all she got back in her car after appearing to shout at the kids. No supermarket staff around at all then.
Makes me so pissed off.

OP posts:
YarninMonkey · 28/04/2010 23:24

Unbelievable really...I just couldn't do it I have my kids strapped to me at all times. Was she doing a full shop or nipping in for essentials? I am aware of a lady who had social services at her door for leaving her kids in the car whilst doing a full shop. Policeman wandered by and heard their distress..reported the woman to SS!!

Thediaryofanobody · 28/04/2010 23:29

I hope the supermarket doesn't take that attitude on a hot day.
Some people just don't give a shit about their kids. I don't buy all that crap about oh she was popping in, busy, having a hard time all rubbish excuses imo.

sanfairyann · 28/04/2010 23:31

it sounds like she was buying one or two things and could see the car from the queue - is that right? how old were the kids? I don't think it's any big deal to pop in for a few things but a half hour shop is obviously a different matter

hobbgoblin · 28/04/2010 23:33

If it isn't hot and they are not teeny or that age when old enough yet still silly enough to stick fingers in cigarette lighter socket then I think it is okay myself.

booyhoo · 28/04/2010 23:33

i phoned the police one day when i got out of my car at a shopping centre and the car beside me had a tiny baby asleep in the front seat. i was taking her reg for the police man and had been there for about 5ish minutes when the mum came sauntering back without a care in the world and asked me what i was doing taking her reg. i told her and the police man asked to speak to her. it transpired the baby was 12 weeks old and she wasn't even in the shopping centre but in a shop on the other side of a big busy road. she couldn't see the problem. it took all my strength to walk away that day.it beggars belief.

MrsFogi · 28/04/2010 23:35

I'm not sure why the reference to 4x4 is relevant here?

scurryfunge · 28/04/2010 23:36

Because people who drive 4x4s are brainless of course lol

hobbgoblin · 28/04/2010 23:36

I sometimes totally ignore my baby DD for 10 whole hours at a time. I can't see her and am largely unconscious for I be asleep.

booyhoo · 28/04/2010 23:42

hobgoblin, i assume you sleep in the same house and would wake if the baby cried? not the same as a baby waking in a car on it's own and crying. even 5 minutes is a long time for a baby to be crying.

hobbgoblin · 28/04/2010 23:48

maybe they take a monitor? I don't know.

Why do people do it do you think?

As it is a little misguided in some instances, there must be a significant reason why. This I find interesting. What type of car they were in is less so.

However, to be fair, there are far worse crimes against that we should all be getting audibly uppity about. Direct energies there I say and then if you have time, worry about the statistically less offensive risks and harm caused by baby in car scenarios.

YarninMonkey · 28/04/2010 23:48

hobbgoblin, does your baby sleep in a metal box? and what booyhoo said.

booyhoo · 28/04/2010 23:51

i agree hobgoblin, there are far more serious things to be getting uppity about, but we all help where we can. perhaps the mother i met had a total shock and rethought her actions and never did it again, perhaps she stuck two fingers up behind my back and went off to the next shop without the baby. i cant change her actions but i wouldn't have felt right about doing nothing.

mylovelymonster · 28/04/2010 23:53

Young children have died being stuck in a car on a hot day, and it can get very hot very quickly in a car with the sun on it. I'm sure everyone knows this, but spotting this made me remember a particular case a few years back which was heartbreaking. Can't remember where it was, but a grandmother took her grandchildren out. Left them in the car to go fetch something - something happened to her and she was taken to hospital but no-one knew the children were in the car and by the time it became known, at least one of them had died through the heat (18months?). I can't remember very well............
So, I wouldn't ever leave my baby/child in the car when I went shopping just in case anything happened to me and they were left alone too long.
Bit long-winded - but maybe a different angle.

scurryfunge · 28/04/2010 23:53

If people are prepared to neglect their child in public, god knows what happens behind closed doors

booyhoo · 28/04/2010 23:54

i asked her why she had left the baby. she just shrugged and said the baby is fine. i thought maybe she had no buggy and asked her, she said she did it was in the boot. she was completely confuzzled by why there was an issue. i dont know why it occurred to her to leave the baby, maybe it never occurred to her to take the baby.

hobbgoblin · 28/04/2010 23:58

I really don't think it is very often conscious or wilfull neglect though. I may be wrong but I think people are pre-occupied and under pressure.

We also like to please ourselves a lot in today's society. Bet that has a lot to do with it but in that it leads to an unthinking approach rather than a deliberately neglectful attitude.

Does that make sense?

I went into the bank today with DC in car. Was between 5 and 10 mins and DD was on traffic warden duty. For me, today it was extreme time pressure that caused this wrongful parenting. Behind closed doors I beat them in order that they eat grapefruit as I stated in an earlier thread today.

booyhoo · 29/04/2010 00:05

i agree, it is an unthinking approach mostly rather than neglectful, still, if anything ever happened to a baby while mum or dad or carer was away, the reason would make feck all difference, the baby would still be hysterical/injured/worse.

if i am being completely honest, i am glad of little reminders to be more aware of where my dcs fit into my agenda. it is easy to get pre-occupied with what i need to be doing right at this very minute but i have to always keep the dcs in my head.

nickschick · 29/04/2010 00:06

Gawd I remember being left in a roasting hot car on holiday whilst my mum and nan played bingo!!!

I dont think its terribly bad - I myself wouldnt do it - although that from bitter experience when ds2 aged 7 took the handbrake off the car whilst I was in somerfield with dh choosing a chicken.

hobbgoblin · 29/04/2010 00:08

may I nickshick? Oopsie!

I leave the handbrake off very frequently. I probably shoudln't be allowed in a car on my own.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 29/04/2010 00:20

Nickschick - my dad once called the police and ambulance to a baby left in a car on a very hot day. There was no sign of the parents, and the police broke into the car. The paramedics told my dad that the baby was in a very bad way, and could have died within half an hour, if he hadn't raised the alarm.

That's why it is terribly bad.

IMoveTheStars · 29/04/2010 00:38

OP - where was this?

context is everything - if she'd done a full shop in Tesco then

if she was paying for petrol at a forecourt, then at you.

spybear · 29/04/2010 07:13

My Ds's 7 and 5 always ask to stay in the car when I go shopping. I don't let them, but I do when I am popping in the little tesco express. They stay in their seats and I am gone for 5 minutes. Alot different from leaving a good baby I know. The OP didn't say how old the child was.

BouncingTurtle · 29/04/2010 07:26

I've left DS in the car while I popped into the PO to drop off a parcel - but I can park the car near the door so I can see it, and I only go when there is no queue or a very short one.
Petrol station near me is self-service pay pay pump, but yes I would leave him in the in the car at the petrol station as it will stop me from browsing and buying choccies as I want to be in and out as quickly as possible.

I think as to the situation the OP is talking about, it does depend on the age of the children, and whether it was just to pick up a couple of items from a nearby shop.

EricNorthmansmistress · 29/04/2010 07:40

I left DS in the car for 5 minutes while I popped in the supermarket the other day. He had a cup of juice and I cracked the window. I knew he wouldn't cry or get out of his chair. I would have preferred to take him in but I didn't have a quid for a trolley and the pram was at home. It's not my ideal course of action but I would do it again.

I was alweays left in the car with DBro as a child, once old enough to be a bit sensible. If the doors are locked (barring hot days etc) there isn't much that can go wrong. Yes the freak incidents can happen but they can always happen. Our washing machine is in DS's bedroom. Apparently washing machines can catch on fire by themselves. I think that's more dangerous than leaving him in the car for 5 mins but there's not much I can do about it. Life is a series of calculated risks.

But going by the OP - I wouldn't leave him for more than a few minutes as I wouldn't want him getting upset. But if the mother could literally see the car from where she was I wouldn't think much of it.

nickschick · 29/04/2010 07:50

Stayinfdavidtennantsgirl- that is bad and I certainly wouldnt go to that extreme but as someone said its a calculated risk-bjesus even now I have to take one of the kray brothers one of my lovely teenagers in tesco with me - if I leave them together in the car theres always a big row possibly a contained fight.

Swipe left for the next trending thread