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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about three young kids locked in a massive 4x4 in supermarket carpark while carer shops

82 replies

ipanemagirl · 28/04/2010 23:15

I noticed the alarm was going off and saw a little head leaping about inside. Mentioned it to supermarket staff who looked concerned but were quick to say "there's nothing we can do really". I saw the woman walk out, turn the alarm off and go back to her queue. Then with no haste at all she got back in her car after appearing to shout at the kids. No supermarket staff around at all then.
Makes me so pissed off.

OP posts:
booyhoo · 29/04/2010 18:31

when i was at school one of our teachers stopped at a cash machine. she parked her car right beside where the cash machine was and left her baby in the car, she could see the baby so that was not the issue. but as she was returning to the car 2 men ran a t her and one demanded her car keys and the money she had just lifted. she refused and one of them wrestled the keys off her and the jumped in teh car and pulled away. she was screaming at them that her baby was in the car. they stopped further up the street and flung the baby in the carseat out onto the road, there were cars coming behind them. teh baby was fine but very hysterical as was the mother.

the thing is, you just cannot pre-empt these things. she could see her baby in her car and it was fine. i am not saying she was wrong to leave the baby in the car, she never could have predicted that happening. but that is the whole point, none of us can so why take the risk just because it's too much bother to take the child with you?

with regard to risk of being hurt whilst out of the car with a parent. at least there is an adult with them to pull them out of harm's way, spot any dangers, respond quickly if something does happen. a child on it's own in a car doesn't posess the judgement to deal with anything that might happen.

lljkk · 29/04/2010 18:44

So, we should all plan on our lives on the basis that violent muggers might appear at any moment?

I think it's sad that society is so paranoid that we think people should be punished for what the carer in OP's story did.

booyhoo · 29/04/2010 18:49

i was pointing out that none of us are able to tell what might happen or when. and it isn't a case of planning your life, as well you know. my children are worth the effort of lugging them in and out of the car. the bad things might never ever happen but who wants to bet their kids on it? not me.

booyhoo · 29/04/2010 18:51

i dont think anyone said that carer should be punished.

lljkk · 29/04/2010 18:53

I don't mind if any one individual wants to go with the SAFETY FIRST AT ALL TIMES mantra for themselves, but the expectation that everyone MUST do that or they are terribly negligent, that's what I object to. Life is full of risk-benefit trade-offs.

At what age would you not mind seeing a child alone in a car, booyhoo -- when would you stop judging?

lljkk · 29/04/2010 18:54

Punished by social disapproval, then, if nothing else.

JaynieB · 29/04/2010 18:59

I had been shopping with DP and we noticed in the same car park there was a car with 2 young children in it - one young girl and one baby, we waited in our car for about 10 minutes to see if parent/carer came back but there was no sign of them, we were late and had to be somewhere else, so I rang the Police, told them about the children in the vehicle and they said they would send a car immediately. They thought it was serious.
Its not the same as leaving your kids in the car while you buy fuel as you can usually keep the car in sight at all times - I don't think OP is being unreasonable personally.

booyhoo · 29/04/2010 19:01

ss dont punish, they look out for the welfare of the children with whom they are involved. if social services came to me following a report of how i had behaved with my dcs i would take it as a wake up call not a punishment. it is attitudes like yours that make their jobs all the harder.

booyhoo · 29/04/2010 19:04

sorry i completely misread your post and thought you were talking about social services. scrub that last post.

if you think you are doing a good job of parenting then social disapproval shouldn't really bother you.

JaynieB · 29/04/2010 19:04

Good point booyhoo, I called the Police because I was concerned about the children being left on their own and I hoped they'd point out this was not such a good idea. I couldn't think of who else to contact at the time.

navyeyelasH · 29/04/2010 19:14

I got a mouthful of abuse from a lady in Waitrose car park.

I'd been shopping with 2 children I mind for baking ingredients, milk, and dishwasher tablets. Weirdly my card declined so I asked them to hold the shopping and I'd be back for it later.

Went to car, strapped children into seats, put buggy in boot and put trolley back. My bank ring me to query a transaction on my account, I tell them it's fine and can I now use my card. Yes they say.

I run back in the shop pick up shopping (2 bags). Children happy as larry when I return both with a book. Had a lady yelling at me with, "all my shopping bags".

Don't be so quick to judge - but do judge away if you are armed with facts.

RubyBuckleberry · 29/04/2010 19:23

this thread is putting me off leaving any children in any cars at all!!!

grandmothers who leave children and then something happens to said grandmother - and one child dies !

woman got mugged and muggers drove off with baby -

doncha just love mumsnet!

...it could be you...

RubysReturn · 29/04/2010 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bigpants1 · 29/04/2010 19:40

I dont see leaving dc alone in the car as an issue to be judgey-more, do the benefits really outway the risks?
If you can see the car and going to be minutes, as in paying for petrol, then probably, the benefit outways the risk. If, however, you are going to do a big shop, and cannot see the car, then I think age of dc must become a factor.
Babies and toddlers can easily become distressed, and if have been asleep and waken and parent/carer isnt there, how scary is that? Equally, younger dc-say,3-6yrs, may want to stat in the car, but dont possess the skills needed on the offchance-albeit rare, that someone may approach the car, and either get in, or entice dc out. Rare-yes, hysterical-no. In a busy carpark, how easy would it be for that to happen?
After what has happened to dc in recent years, I would always err on the side of caution if I saw young dc unattended as they are so vulnerable-and if others see that as being a busy-body, so be it!

fifitot · 29/04/2010 19:41

If you leave a small child unattended it is a cause for concern - whether they are in a car or not. Would you leave them locked in the house while you popped to the corner shop? If so - that's neglectful so don't see how it's different if they are in a car.

lillybloom · 29/04/2010 19:47

My DH tells a story from his childhood.

He was about 5 in the 70's. His dad left him in the car to go to the shop. A man came over and asked DH to open the door. Being a wee child he did and the man then shouts at him. Don't open the door to anyone.You don't know me. I could be a bad man. My DH was petrified. DH's dad comes back andThe man then starts shouting at him for leaving his child in the car.

FessaEst · 29/04/2010 19:50

Can I just mention - whilst not in any way saying that I think children should be left in hot cars - that the Grandmother scenario was featured in a BBC drama about a fictional day in the future when due to the effects of climate change our country could be subjected to searing temperatures, and not an actual event that has happened!

LilyBolero · 29/04/2010 19:52

To counteract the 'mugger driving off with child in car'.

A child ds1 was at playgroup with was at home with his father. His mother was dead, it was just him and his dad. A drug addict just released from prison broke into their flat, murdered the father in order to steal cash.

3 DAYS LATER the boy (who was 3) was found sitting beside his dead father's body. He was physically ok, but severely traumatised.

Don't imagine anything is without risk. We all as parents take decisions as to how to balance risk, and what are risks worth taking.

RubysReturn · 29/04/2010 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilyBolero · 29/04/2010 19:58

no, but I think it is safer to leave them in the car than to drag them across a petrol station forecourt with cars reversing and parking etc. So in my mind, it is a safer option.

RubysReturn · 29/04/2010 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sleepyhead3 · 29/04/2010 20:08

YANBU OP- the woman sounds really irresponsible- the children were much too young to be left by themselves at all and for such a long period of time.
It's one thing leaving them while you pay for petrol and can see them the whole time but another leaving them while you do grocery shopping especially with an alarm going off!
A child of 7 is totally different in terms of maturity to three under 5s.

fifitot · 29/04/2010 20:11

Of course we have to balance risk but I just feel for me, the vague possibility of something happening while I am in the shop is enough of a risk that I'd want to avoid doing it.

Technically under the law, leaving a child alone is neglectful and you could be prosecuted. Though circumstances should be taken into account of course. I know the NSPCC say toddlers and children should never be left alone.

thederkinsdame · 29/04/2010 22:52

Does anyone remember the tragic case where a woman parked the car on a drive and if I recall right her kids were asleep so she left them while she popped in to see a friend. There was an electrical fault and the car caught fire. The kids burned to death.

Also, for toddlers, a locked car is not 100% secure. They can wind windows down and climb out (I know someone this happened to, her DC was missing for about half an hour) or press the unlock button and get out.

We all take risks every day, I don't do this myself, because I don't feel comfortable with it as I worry about the above scenarios amongst others, no matter how remote.

I find it funny sometimes that some people would leave their kids in the car, or outside the toilets while they have a wee, but they wouldn't dream of leaving their 'valuables' such as a handbag like this...

booyhoo · 29/04/2010 23:03

there is a radio advertisement in ulster (where i am) about removing sat navs and cdplayer covers, handbags and such like from your car. i know there is also one about leaving pets in the car in hot weather. i have never heard one about leaving children in the car, what does that say about our society?

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