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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about three young kids locked in a massive 4x4 in supermarket carpark while carer shops

82 replies

ipanemagirl · 28/04/2010 23:15

I noticed the alarm was going off and saw a little head leaping about inside. Mentioned it to supermarket staff who looked concerned but were quick to say "there's nothing we can do really". I saw the woman walk out, turn the alarm off and go back to her queue. Then with no haste at all she got back in her car after appearing to shout at the kids. No supermarket staff around at all then.
Makes me so pissed off.

OP posts:

nickschick · 29/04/2010 07:55

Hobbgoblin lol at the my face was more like this >> Dhs was more like [argggh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO]- Ds did say 'i didnt think the car would go that fast.

Morloth · 29/04/2010 08:17

Depends on age of kids, I would say 7+ would be OK. We sed to beg to be left home/in the car while mum went shopping. Also if we gt lost in the shops we had to go sit on the car and wait for her.

It was a battered old ford station wagon though - does that make it better?

sarah293 · 29/04/2010 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HairExtensions · 29/04/2010 11:54

Where was this?

etchasketch · 29/04/2010 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ipanemagirl · 29/04/2010 13:56

I only mentioned that it was a 4 x 4 because it was literally enormous, almost as big as a hummer, and I noticed it because the alarm was going off and the whole shiny thing was flashing like a fair ground ride. Advertising: kids alone in this car... and it was parked in a disabled bay (a mumsnet double-whammy).

She left the car for a minimum of 10 mins, I was concerned for the kids and told staff and then waited to see what happened and had actually looked at my watch. When I spotted her she was fully out of view of the car and she sort of ambled over to the entrance and switched it off and then went back to her queue and her mate for another five minutes where she again had no view of the car. She looked so young that she might not have been the mother - she looked about 16. (Not that her age is relevant but she was clearly negligent imo). The staff told me there were three kids in the car. But by the time I saw her return the two managers were nowhere to be seen despite talking on their walkie talkies about it earlier as if it mattered to them a bit.

It's a massive supermarket next to huge ring road around London. If you had wanted to snatch some kids, few places would have got you far away more quickly.

I may sound a bit hysterical about this but I was expecting her to be at least spoken to and I wanted to actually see that someone returned to the children. I don't usually act in this neighbourhood watch way but I have a 19 month old and I'm paranoid about leaving her in the car and get upset when other people do.

OP posts:

wasabipeanut · 29/04/2010 14:09

I am posting this from my car parked on our drive with my DC's asleep in the back! If I move them they'll wake and both need to nap a little longer if we are to have a pleasant afternoon. You can prob guess my thoughts on the issue given that I won't leave my DC's alone in the car on our own property.

So OP YANBU. I do leave them when I have to buy petrol though but watch car like a hawk from the window.

Original poster

ipanemagirl · 29/04/2010 14:17

I leave them when I buy petrol too but it's different imo when you can watch the car! Leaving them with an alarm advertising that they've been left is just moronic imo.

I guess it's like the people who have their kids climbing all over the car instead of strapping them in. It is simply a different attitude to risk.

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 29/04/2010 14:17

AIBU by stealth then is it??... honestly, this 'kid left in car' routine gets done weekly.... it's old...

Yes, you do sound hysterical... and a bit trip trapish actually.

4x4 is not relevant. The whole thing does not flash like a fairground ride, the lights flash like most car alarms do.

She looked about 16 (??) you saw her return and supposedly shout at the children - so was she or wasn't she the driver/mum/carer...

You have a 19 month old, you are paranoid about leaving her in the car - your business... leave other people to theirs....

Original poster

ipanemagirl · 29/04/2010 14:22

What is trapish? Is that a word? I'm not familiar with that word.

I haven't seen another thread on the subject I'm not on here that often.

So that makes it an 'old' subject. How is that relevant to whether it is unreasonable or not?

The car was flashing more than any car alarm I've ever had. My point is: that is was drawing attention to the children who had been left. It was a very noticeable vehicle made more noticeable by the flashing lights. It is relevant imo.

I have no idea whether she was the carer or mother. She didn't seem to care much though from what I saw. I did as much as I thought relevant. I was hardly going to accost her.

Since Baby P a lot of comment has been about that people in society to not care enough about children who are neglected. I do notice if it's under my nose.

OP posts:

Original poster

ipanemagirl · 29/04/2010 14:25

Was it you ChippingIn? Was it your car and your kids by any chance? You sound a little defensive. If not how on earth do you know how much the lights flash or not?

OP posts:

seeker · 29/04/2010 14:27

I regularly leave my 9 year old in the car while I shop - have done since he was about 7, I think. Can't see the problem. He sits in the car and reads or does his homework or plays on his DS - I get the shopping done without being conned into buying Frosties, "character" fromage frais or MatchAttax card. Win/win.

But here's where I am going to earn the opprobrium of mumsnet. I leave the key n the car so that if he needs me or needs the loo he can get out, lock the car and come and find me. How's that for irresponsible!

Original poster

ipanemagirl · 29/04/2010 14:30

I think that's reasonable but I'm talking about three kids under 5. Would you leave kids under five? I don't leave my nine yr old but wouldn't have a problem with anyone else doing so, there's a massive difference between 5 and 9 in terms of responsibility imo.

OP posts:

Morloth · 29/04/2010 14:30

Isn't it funny, I wouldn't leave them to buy petrol. Always either swung it so I was by myself/sent DH out to do it/paid at pump or just got kid out of the car.

I do however park the car in the drive and leave them to sleep. However my carport was right next to my kitchen. I used to leave the doors open and go inside and make a cuppa and read at the kitchen table.

People can disagree with you without being defensive.

ChippingIn · 29/04/2010 14:31

Yawn.

Oh to be mistaken for a 16 year old.....

Leaving the kids in the car for a few minutes is nothing like the Baby P neglect and it's pretty revolting of you to draw any parallels.

I wish it was me - I'd like a bigger car than the one I have now....

Alouiseg · 29/04/2010 14:32

Once again certain Mumsnet posters can't tell right from wrong.

But i'm not allowed to comment because i would call social services or the police and then that would be "judgy" !

What will it take before we are seen as responsible and caring instead of "judgy" and interfering?

Children baked to death in cars?

When it happens AGAIN i hope that you defenders of the undefensible remember this thread.

pippylongstockings · 29/04/2010 14:41

I have left my 2 in the car on several occasions when needing to pick up a few items from supermarket - they are 3 and 5.

They ask to be left rather than me going through the faff of taking them both out - wandering round the supermarket - me getting annoyed that they want to look at the toys for 15min then whine to buy a comic/sweets etc. telling them to stop swinging on the displays & put said items back - no they can't have chewing gum and then loading them all back up again.

The chance of some-one seeing them in a car, breaking into the car, running off with them in broad daylight is very small. I also leave them asleep on our drive.

Gay40 · 29/04/2010 14:41

We parked up in a supermarket once beside us was a toddler tantuming in her car seat. No one else was in sight.
I said to gf - look, there's a baby alone in there, having a paddy attack. So we looked in and around, and two parents appeared from several feet away. They explained she was having a tantrum and needed time out (they had been watching the car but hiding.
I half thought they might tell us to mind our own bloody business, but they thanked us for being bothered enough to do something about it.
Similarly, I was driving along with my mother when another car almost drove head on into us. My mother got cross and I said - look, she's got two car seats in the back and no kids, and it's almost 3.15pm. She's probably rushing to get to the school gate (thinking she's going to be late) and I know how THAT feels. And my mother said - I had not ever considered that...poor woman.

So...the moral of my story is: sometimes we just see a snapshot of life. We all have these snapshots that we'd really rather people didn't witness. That doesn't mean we shouldn't step in if we think a child is in trouble, but we shouldn't jump to conclusions either.

LilyBolero · 29/04/2010 14:42

Well I was really pissed off the other day - I had to pop into the Tesco Express near our house (v safe area), ds2 who is nearly 4 was happy in the car. Wasn't a 'hot' day, but was sunny, so I put the window down a little for air. Was in the shop for between 5 and 10 mins. Would hear alarm if it went off, and kept a half-eye on the car when possible.

When I came back, some busybody woman was parked in the space next to our car, talking to ds2 - he was perfectly happy, asking her her name etc, she gave me a filthy look and said something to ds2 like 'You'll be ok now'....

I know for a FACT he wasn't 'not ok' because he would have told me afterwards if he had been sad. And tbh, I think when balancing risk, he is safer strapped into his carseat, than possibly being run over by an irresponsible driver on the forecourt (especially as I am nearly 39 wks pg, and can't run after him! It's not as simple as saying 'I wouldn't take the risk of leaving him in the car' - particularly at a petrol station, taking them out of the car represents a risk too.

howmuchdidyousay · 29/04/2010 17:24

What actually is wrong with leaving a baby strapped into a seat in a locked and alarmed metal box (which is actually what a safe is)

booyhoo · 29/04/2010 17:43

really cant believe some of the 'justifications' on this thread.

howmuchdidyousay what is wrong with it is the fact that at any point that baby could panic and become hysterical. when a baby is screaming a minute is a lifetime to them. why you would put your child through that just to save lifting it out of the car is beyond me. is it really that much effort?

also dont know why you made reference to a safe. do people often put their children in a safe when going to tesco?

booyhoo · 29/04/2010 17:45

also today was a very mild windy day where i am but when i opened the car to collect ds1 from school the heat that hit me in the face was stifling. it doesn't take long for heat to build up in a car especially if the engine has already been running.

fifitot · 29/04/2010 18:05

I agree wholeheartedly with Alouiseq.

Anyway I am quite risk averse and wouldn't take the chance - you'd never forgive yourself if something happened to them.

CwtchyMama · 29/04/2010 18:07

There is more of a chance of me flying to the moon in my own hand-made rocket then leaving ds,3,in the car on his own.

Anything could happen whilst i was out of sight of him,no chance,not ever.

I wouldnt like to see a dog left in the car on its own never mind a child that young.cars can get quite hot quite quickly.

LilyBolero · 29/04/2010 18:07

fifitot, that's fine as long as you realise that by taking them out of the car you are 'taking the chance' that they won't be hit by a car in the carpark/on the forecourt. It's about balancing risk, and to my mind, they are more likely to be hurt getting out of the car than being in the car for 5 mins.

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