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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is utterly wrong?

16 replies

NormalityBites · 28/04/2010 18:27

I opened the door at 8.30pm the other night to a lone 4 year old asking if my DD was playing out.
I didn't think really, just said 'no, she's in bed..' and off he ranout of sight.
Took me a few seconds to think 'Hey, wait a minute...' I know the kid as he and siblings come round regularly to play with DD. I only know the parents very slightly, they live round the corner. Since this kid has turned four he has apparently been deemed old enough to play out on the street by himself or with older siblings (approx 8 and 6, and I watched the eight-year-old knocked down by a car from my window when she was six)

AIBU to be shocked that this four-year-old has the run of the street, which is by no means a quiet cul-de-sac but a fairly busy through road...? I am prepared to be told to butt my nose out and stop being judgey, but I'm scared for the kid.

OP posts:
moaningminniewhingesagain · 28/04/2010 18:43

YANBU, I would be too. I often see children around that age playing out on the streets near my house too and get that horrible dread feeling.

I am no helicopter parent but I make DD, 3.1, hold my hand or the pushchair, or be wearing reins when walking on pavements, as she is just to young to expect to be sensible

5inthebed · 28/04/2010 18:45

YANBU

SugarMousePink · 28/04/2010 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zisforzebra · 28/04/2010 18:49

Nope YANBU. It gives me a horrible lurch in my stomach when I see young kids playing out late in the evening. I used to drive back from work at 10.30 - 11pm and would see kids around 6 or 7 out on bikes with no lights and no reflective gear. Horrible.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 28/04/2010 18:51

Mine is 4 and goes to bed at 7.

YANBU.

Way way too young to be out that late and alone.

lovechoc · 28/04/2010 19:05

mine is 3 and goes to bed at 7pm most nights and I can't imagine letting him out and about next year on the streets to play all by himself.

yanbu

Coldhands · 28/04/2010 19:26

YANBU. That is shocking that a) he was still up at that time and b) he was out on his own in the street which you say isn't a quite little road. My friend has a 4 year old and I cannot imagine someone of that age being out on their own!

mumbar · 28/04/2010 19:43

YANBU DS 5 also goes to bed at 7pm. He is not allowed to play out alone even in the day. Children do not have the abilioty to judge speed etc until 8 years so therefore it's not advised for them to cross roads alone until then.

Your right though that saying something could be dangerous groud. If you have any serious concerns about a child's welfare I'd think about making a formal complaint BUT just be sure first

Stinkermink · 28/04/2010 19:44

The Every Child Matters website may help you here. It will give you a frame of reference and contacts if you are concerned about the welfare of any child that you come into contact with.

Alouiseg · 28/04/2010 19:50

Poor little boy.

We have to be "judgy" because we have to look out for little children if their inadequate parents aren't doing the job properly.

I generally get yelled at on these type of threads but the parents need reporting as the child is in danger of being run over by a car at the very least.

I would phone the police to start with. Lone 4 year olds wandering the streets at 8.30 is wrong.

mumbar · 28/04/2010 19:51

Stinkermink your are on my wavelength!!! I was thinking bout that and the safeguarding childrens protocol.

Stinkermink · 28/04/2010 20:03

mumbar just worries me (you too obviously) when we are more concerned about being judged than the actual potential "safeguarding issue" that might be there. It could be that the parents are doing their nut wondering where DS is and he's done a houdini, but that is unlikely. Go with the protocols...no one will judge that or come back to find you.

Original poster
NormalityBites · 28/04/2010 20:11

No he hasn't done a houdini, I have seen him out and about several times. He does come and play with my DD - all the kids from the family do, and I don't mind that at all. I just worry for them all to be honest - it was just last week we saw the eight-year-old cross a hugely busy junction by herself on her bike several hundred yards from our street - we were coming round the corner in the car and nearly hit her! I've seen her up a mile from home completely alone I have no idea what to do about it )if anything) if I'm honest. I feel a bit spineless but anxious for the children.

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 28/04/2010 20:46

I would talk to the parents first before thinking about going to the police. Ask whether they know that their 4 year old is out on his own. Be prepared for the parents to resent you for it, but if they ask what business it is of yours, tell them that he came to your door and asked to play with your child quite late in the evening.

Could be that these parents are struggling, esp if they have several dc, and maybe you can help them.

If none of that seems to work, I would have thought a phone call to the local social services would be a better first step than the police.

Several adults who saw Jamie Bulger crying as he was led to his death, didn't like to interfere in case they were thought to be nosey, out of order, or (horror!)judgmental.

MudandRoses · 28/04/2010 22:28

I think I might have gone after him, taken him by the hand and walked him home! And said, "I just found this one at my door, did you know he was out? We'd love to have him come over and play but maybe earlier in the day - our DC's bedtime is 7.30!" Or something along those lines that doesn't sound too judgey but lets them know it isn't generally accepted or acceptable to let 4yr olds wander about at night!

Elasticwoman · 29/04/2010 08:47

Mudandroses: absolutely spot on.

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