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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want people to wear shoes over my lovely oak floor

278 replies

Carameli · 28/04/2010 13:56

we have since we moved been doing some major renovations to our house. It is now at an end and as we put really nice oak flooring in the living room and dining room we decided to have a no shoes rule in the house. Lots of my friends do this and it works fine.
I also lived in Finland for a few years where it is the norm and expected that you take off your shoes when you go into someone's house.
My stumbling block is my mum and dad who refuse to and have said they will sit in the kitchen rather than take off their shoes.
I love my parents dearly and but feel so upset over this. Have just had an email from my mum saying she does not know when my father will want to visit us again. What am I meant to say. My worry is he comes in with a stone on his shoe and we end up with a big scratch on the wood or I am not ale to invite them over for dinner etc etc(thinking ahead to Christmas etc etc birthdays)

arrrgggg. feel so frustrated.

OP posts:
nickschick · 28/04/2010 17:09

Was it this OP who had neighbours that had bought her a rug last week??

If it was- use it!!

If it wasnt then there a poster on mumsnet with 3 rugs in her attic ...get her to lend em you.

pagwatch · 28/04/2010 17:10

No I'm not.

Everyone has a trunk don't they?

And after your piss elixir stall exploits and frantic couplings with Grecian natives, you are in no position to judge Missy.

Hullygully · 28/04/2010 17:14

Au contraire, I find it the position de jour.

We shall free associate. Close your eyes, relax...say the first word that pops into your little head..Bracket

pagwatch · 28/04/2010 17:15

spatula
[

Hullygully · 28/04/2010 17:17

Hmmmm

Sounds like Dracula. I think you have a deep seated sense of something missing. The bracket represents the portion of your blood sucked out by a vampiric being. You must wear garlic and carry a vial of holy water. Do not invite them in.

pagwatch · 28/04/2010 17:19

Ok. That is all very helpful. Things to work on there wat with the excellent garlic suggestion.

If I do mistakenly invite them in should I ask them to remove their shoes or would that be rude?

Hullygully · 28/04/2010 17:21

It's all right, they do a kind of floaty thing that neatly sidesteps the shoe dilemma.

Hullygully · 28/04/2010 17:22

Sadly I must away, but I am still keen to know about the sheds.

queenclarion · 28/04/2010 17:30

In 2010, if you go to someone's house and see them and their family with shoes off, it is extremely rude to keep your shoes on. It is obvious - you look at the host's feet and you behave accordingly. As a guest, if you are unsure, you ask. This is of course unless you have a medical problem/similar.

The OP's parents are being rather strange over this issue. They've been asked to take their shoes off and refused and followed up with an email saying they don't know when they'll want to come again. This is rather more than a shoes on/off issue. Saying that they don't know when they'll want to come again is not just disagreement over the shoes issue, it is going down the route of emotional blackmail - pretty mean and nasty IMO.

It's difficult, OP, I would perhaps try and meet them for a day out/public place etc to avoid the issue altogether.

I think that a person who does something that they know is upsetting another person for no good reason is nasty. I am presuming the OP's parents have no good reason to keep their shoes on.

MarthaFarquhar · 28/04/2010 17:33

A highly scientific poll chez Farquhar has revealed that most people feel more comfortable with shoes on when visiting.

the conversation is as follows:
guest (seeing pale-coloured hall carpet) - do I have to take my shoes off?
me (shoeless) - oh, whatever makes you feel comfortable

guest walks in shoes firmly on.

I think BIL and SIL are the only shoe-offers EVER.

why anyone would ignore the fact that their guests are not comfortable is beyond me.

ndavy · 28/04/2010 17:33

You are certainly NBU! I hate people wearing shoes indoors and since the birth of my son we've asked all family members to not wear shoes in the house. My dad was a bit funny about it which was very galling as when I was living at home he'd go mad if me or either of my siblings wore our shoes indoors!

It's your house, your rules. Presumably you'd respect their wishes in their house.

I think this probably has something to do with parents not liking it when their offspring are grown up enough to have a house and, gasp, 'rules' of their own!

kickassangel · 28/04/2010 17:41

isn't it a generational thing? some people think of socks/tights as 'underwear' & showing it off is nearly as bad as exposing knickers & bras - just not done. having said that, people i know with this attitude bring slippers with them, as you also shouldn't bring dirt into a house.

traceybath · 28/04/2010 17:52

Having observed the awful state of some people's feet now that its apparently sandal weather - well - I'd so much rather people kept their shoes on.

I do find the whole shoe-off thing bizarre. So for example, you're having a party, friends arrive all dressed up with nice shoes on - you'd make them take them off and stand their in their bare feet?

I mean I would do so - but wouldn't be terribly keen on going to their house again.

OP - are there other issues with your parents - is this the last straw perhaps?

diddl · 28/04/2010 17:54

If it was a party I wouldn´t make people take shoes off.

kickassangel · 28/04/2010 17:57

oh, and btw, in the US, everyone takes shoes off - houses are built with tiled 'shoes taking off area' just inside the front door (often to the side so there's space to step in, shut door & take off shoes), and 'boot rooms' at the garage door entrance.

After a few experiences, I have now learnt how to construct my 'outfit' so that it works both with and without shoes/boots etc, AND I am building up a collection of easy on/off shoes & boots. (no more laced up thigh boots for me)

giveitago · 28/04/2010 18:02

Ow - I remember we had renovations and someone came - she was a very heavy lady wearing high shoes - the floor had marks - lots more marks 5 years on with ds- things do get wear and tear - depends how much you can cope with.

Ivykaty44 · 28/04/2010 18:05

Floors are for walking on and you have done up a floor area with a product that has been outside in the wind and rain for decades and decades along with the sun and the clouds and birds doing there poo on the product and making nests and now you are saying that you can't just walk on it?

kittyonthebeam · 28/04/2010 18:05

I have lived in Scandinavia and Asia where it is a must to take your shoes off and expected. In Japan even the ambulance crew will take off their shoes before CPR.

We live in the ME now where it doesn't seem to be common to do so and I have told friends I expect them to take their shoes off. I have had one arsehole walking outside for a fag with his socks and then back in again then asking me what I was going to do about that...needless to say he's not been invited back. For a party we clear the carpets and leave people in their shoes but the upstairs are off-limits.

My house, my rules.

Your father sounds like mine. Wants to make all the rules but cannot stand it if they are dished out to him. Just reply, 'Well that is a shame as we would have loved to have him over, also for the coming holidays but that is HIS choice.' Because after all, it is his choice not to see you.

I know when I will relax my no shoes rule: when my babies are going to school and they don't eat crumbs off the floor.

LadyBiscuit · 28/04/2010 18:10

FWIW I also have oak floors. I don't insist people take their shoes off and they are fine. Actually the only floors I have seen damaged were original floor boards (which are pine, a much softer wood) and by someone wearing stilettos. I was probably a bit anxious about them at first though. Best cleaning tip ever is unscented baby wipes - gets marks off a treat

kittyonthebeam · 28/04/2010 18:12

@traceybath: Have you ever been to a party on a yacht? People are asked to leave their shoes behind before coming on board.

I agree with your general idea though and for parties we clear the carpets to leave the marble exposed but TBH, I have been to heaps of great parties in Scandinavia which were all shoes-off and it didn't stop us from having fun.

traceybath · 28/04/2010 18:15

You know Kitty - I haven't been to a party on a yacht .

Although I do think the whole shoes off/on is a bit of a class thing isn't it.

Runs for the hills

diddl · 28/04/2010 18:16

I just can´t see why OP´s parents are making such a big deal of such a simple request tbh.

They may have their reasons, but if their response is that they don´t know when they will visit again,I would leave it at that!

CheerfulYank · 28/04/2010 18:16

Kickass is right, here everyone takes their shoes off so I don't think YABU. My dad always refuses at my house, which is v annoying, but he's lovely and I adore him so I don't care overmuch.

We have an entryway that everyone leaves their shoes in, and I'm thinking about getting a basket full of lovely slippers in different sizes to put out there for guests.

Bottom line, I guess, is that it's not -IMO- that big of a deal. Just be sure they wipe their feet well.

ReneRusso · 28/04/2010 18:18

Blimey, we've just ordered a very expensive new oak floor. Not sure what to do now, might be easier to have a "no guests" policy.

CheerfulYank · 28/04/2010 18:19

Clingfilm, hully? How gauche. I just mist mine with sanitizer when they step through the door-so refreshing. [waves to Pag]

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