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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that most of ds 20 month friends shouldn't be watching/don't need TV

73 replies

cityangel · 27/04/2010 23:17

The other Mums of 20 months+ kids claim their children are obsessed with in the Night Garden & cbeebies etc, but surely at such an early age this only happens if the parents repeatedly show them TV?
Is it unreasonable to ask a play date parent not to have the TV when ds goes round?

OP posts:
lazylula · 27/04/2010 23:36

Personally I think YABU to ask someone not to have the tv on when your chilod goes there, it is there house, so there choice. If you do not want your child to watch tv, have them round to yours then you won't need the tv on. Ds1, who is now 4, rarely watched any tv at that age, just the occasional program and I found that he was completely unaware when the tv was on at friends and would ignore it!

EricNorthmansmistress · 27/04/2010 23:43

YABU to ask parents to turn the TV off. A bit at someone else's house will not hurt him in the least. No, 20 month olds don't need to watch tv, mine does though, he likes zingzillas and show me show me if you're interested, the singing I think! It might not be your way but there's no need to judge.

Mermaidspam · 27/04/2010 23:51

YABU - their house, their rules.

Vallhala · 27/04/2010 23:56

YABU. I'd consider someone very rude if they asked me to turn the television off when their small child visited.

NiallOfTheNineHostages · 28/04/2010 00:05

YABU to ask them not to have TV on when your LO goes to their house. YANBU to think they don't need it at that age.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 28/04/2010 00:30

I don't think you can ask them to turn it off. But I'm with you; if I had my druthers my daughter would be completely TV-free until at least 2.

(As it is, she does watch some TV, because her Dad thinks it's no big deal and he and I share SAHP duties)

We have one friend with a similarly aged child; her son is 19 months to my daughter's 17. They have an enormous plasma TV that dominates their living area, and he spends a lot of his day in his playpen watching films. Which is fine; he's also more literate than my daughter, very articulate and generally a pleasant boy to be around. But because I don't want her watching films, I don't do playdates over at their house.

So I think if you're concerned, the answer is to do playdates at yours, or (what I do) meet at playgrounds and things.

realfreedom · 28/04/2010 00:31

Oooh, I'm all alone here so far but I think YANBU and would do the same. OK, I actually have done it, and it was respected.

I also was careful to do it in a very "not judging what you are choosing for your DS at all but our particular parenting decision on this is...." because that is the way we really feel - it's our choice for our DS, have no issue with others making a different choice.

barrym · 28/04/2010 00:45

YABU in their house. Although that said, I don't think I have ever put my telly on when I've had someone round to play. Don't you all play and talk to each other? I would probably think it was starnge if I went to someone's house and they stuck the children in front of the TV.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 28/04/2010 00:50

So would I, barry, but the friend referenced above has said several times 'you guys should come round, we can pop the kids in front of the TV with a DVD and chat'. Which is precisely why I don't go around, because I know that's the agenda.

Henny1995 · 28/04/2010 02:33

Not at all, and in an ideal world my kids would never watch TV. But as it is, having lost mine and my dh's parents recently, we're a bit short on childcare, so sometimes I have to put my dd in front of the telly while I have a shower or make the beds as she's happier in front of "Gar" (Night Garden) than she is in her cot. So do try hard not to judge :-) x

SirBoobAlot · 28/04/2010 03:51

Henny1995 - just a tip. Yours have been the last posts on a lot of the threads I have just clicked on, and a few are a little patronising. Don't be surprised if there is an AIBU about that shortly Also guessing you're new, as generally on MN posts don't end with "x". Welcome And I'm sorry to read about the loss of your parents and PILs .

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 28/04/2010 04:00

What on earth are you doing up, SirBoob?

SirBoobAlot · 28/04/2010 04:01

I have a little pain in the bum who has decided sleep is an optional commodity. sighs And yourself?

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 28/04/2010 04:45

Ah, of course.

I'm in Australia, it's lunchtime.

RedRedWine1980 · 28/04/2010 06:01

Yes YABU. Its not up to you how your friends parent, you do whats good for you and yours and let others do likewise.

gorionine · 28/04/2010 06:27

Well in principle I do agree with you, Cityangel, but sometimes especially if there are siblings it is very very hard to avoid TV altogether.

Also if I said the my DD4 is obsessed with a certain programme, it would not actually mean that she watches it all day long but that she talks about it a lot, and will be very exited if she sees toys related to it IYSWIM.

gorionine · 28/04/2010 06:32

Oh and WRT put the children in front of the TV when someone is around, I do not do it when person comming brings dcs along but if I have a friend comimg on her own I sometimes do because DD4 is very cute and upstages me everytime if she is not "buisy" and it means I never get to speak to a grown up which is essentially what I am craving to do when I have guests.

Maria2007loveshersleep · 28/04/2010 07:23

I do find it slightly strange when this happens at playdates- to pop toddlers that age in front of a DVD so that parents can chat sounds reasonable to me (at times I'd do anything for a calm, quiet cup of tea, without being dragged by the hand by a 20 month old screaming 'NOW!!!'). But I find it odd just because IME when there are 2 or more children that age they tend to run around & around & play with everything & anything & TV is certainly not necessary.

That said, and even though I'm one of those parents that does use DVDs (not too much) in order for me to take a short break, have a shower, cook dinner, whatever, I still- in an ideal world- don't think they're necessary for children up to 2 and probably after that too. I worry because DVDs are a much easier & 'quicker' pleasure than, say, reading books or playing with other things, & my DS tends to ask for his DVDs more than he does other things, even though he likes all those other things too & spends far more time with them than with DVDs. I worry that too much tv / DVDs would interfere with a young toddler's ability to concentrate. I'm a bookworm myself & my worry has particularly to do with reading books & the concentration that takes.

But in general, and on the other hand, I'm all for the lazy parenting attitude of your friend so I reckon a little TV/DVD doesn't do any harm. As I said anything for a quiet cup of tea . So in that respect I think YABU.

babybarrister · 28/04/2010 07:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigWeeHag · 28/04/2010 07:39

I blooming wish my toddler would show the slightest interest in the telly! But no, he'd rather scale the kitchen cupboards, juggle knives and spread Chaos wherever he goes. WOE. I am having a bitter morning, sorry. YAB a bit U. I would imagine if you did ask someone to turn off the telly when your precious little person is there, they would feel a bit judged and probably not be too happy with you.

harimo · 28/04/2010 07:44

I've never stopped DS watching TV... And I've been amazed at what he wil and won't watch... ITNG / Teletubbies hold his interest for a nanosecond - he just won't watch programmes like that... But should he see Thomas the Tank Engine (or anything to do with cars / trains - including F1.. much to my DH's pleasure!!) he'll happily watch it for a good while.

I personally don't get what's wrong with the odd TV programme. What do you think changes once the child reaches 2???

LisaD1 · 28/04/2010 07:52

I think tv has it's place and actually some of the programmes are quite educational. My DD (2.5yr) loves Mickey Mouse, she watches his clubhouse every day (1 episode) and can already identify shapes/colours and count to 10. Now, A lot of that is down to what we as parents do with her but the tv also helps get her interested.

I am very careful about what is on when she is up and during the day it is generally off (I'ma childminder and we're busy anyway). I also would automatically turn it off if we had friends over to play, however, if they asked me to turn it off I wouldn't be happy!

Everything in moderation I think.

Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 28/04/2010 07:54

Well no-one NEEDS TV, whatever age they are. However I wouldn't put the TV on if I had a playdate around and wouldn't really expect someone else to have the TV on if DS was round at theirs but for something like that it's their house, their rules really.

ooojimaflip · 28/04/2010 08:49

No one NEEDS TV. Well, apart from me, to keep my two year old STILL while I get something done. Or to distract her when she is Ill and I am trying to work from home. Or to calm her down when she is overtired. It is a useful tool.

I wouldn't have it on when someone was round or expect it to be on when she was round at someone else's. UNLESS - it's part of the other child's routine (if you were at their house) or they are overexcited/need to calm down and won't read/listen to stories whatever.

It is a tool like any other.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 28/04/2010 08:54

Harimo, too lazy to look this up right now but 2 is because bits of the brain are still forming and the quick edits and general flashy stimulation of TV can (in a very few cases) affect brain development. Has been linked to ADD. Studies still controversial, I think, but that's why the age of 2 is bandied about; physiological reasons.