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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave 1 yr old with DP for 9 days?

56 replies

Bluesunday · 27/04/2010 10:50

Hi, I just wanted to get some opinions on this. I really want to do a sponsored trek along the Great Wall of China for the National Autistic Society. My DS has autism, so it's a cause I feel really strongly about. The trek is happening October 2011, and I would aim to raise £3000 from it. I'm currently PG, due in October, so if I signed up for the trek I would be leaving a 1 year old baby with DP and PIL for 9 days. My other kids will be 14 and 10, but I have been away from them before (7 days in 2008) and they were fine, it's just leaving a baby I feel a bit weird about. Do you think it's selfish of me to want to do this? Do you think 1 is too young to leave for 9 days, should I forget the idea? Opinions would be great but please don't be mean! Thanks!

OP posts:
compo · 27/04/2010 10:51

I think if your dp and PIL are suppportive I think it's absoultely fine

wishingchair · 27/04/2010 10:52

What compo said!

scurryfunge · 27/04/2010 10:53

Do you have any concerns about your DP's ability to look after a baby?! If not, go for it

Original poster
Bluesunday · 27/04/2010 10:56

No concerns about DP, he's probably the better parent TBH, just worried I'll be neglecting the baby..?

OP posts:
Bramshott · 27/04/2010 10:57

Will you be breastfeeding? It's very hard to tell in advance how my your baby will still be feeding at 10 months, or how adaptable they might be to taking a bottle. That aside, of course it's not selfish of you to want to do this - it sounds like a great opportunity!

scurryfunge · 27/04/2010 10:59

Definately do it then....sounds fantastic....the baby will be fine

Original poster
Bluesunday · 27/04/2010 11:01

Generally, I tend to give up breast-feeding around 6 months... I'm really pleased and surprised everyone's been supportive (so far), I thought it was really wicked of me to even consider it!

OP posts:
Blu · 27/04/2010 11:04

mmmm, not sure. I wouldn't have left DS for that long at 1yr. We were just reminiscing with a shudder this morning how he became distraught when I went away for 2 nights when he was about 2 - and he was used to me not being around at bedtime etc as I work f/t lots of evenings. And I would have missed him no end. And was still bf morning and night at 1 yr, too.

I have no worries about other people doing it, and wish I had been able to go off more, tbh. I think it all depends on you, how much missing him would undermine your enjoyment etc. 4 days is not a long time, 9 feels a long time.

Blu · 27/04/2010 11:05

Not wicked, by any means.

5DollarShake · 27/04/2010 11:05

Go for it.

My best friend is a stay at home Mum but also a musician, and has got a gig playing at the Shangahi expo. She is there right now, for 2 weeks, leaving her DD (15 months) with her DH and Mum.

Her 'cause' isn't as good as yours, other than helping to contribute to the family coffers!

If your DP is fine with it, then there is no problem.

Francagoestohollywood · 27/04/2010 11:09

The baby will miss you. You'll miss your family. But you know what, you'll be fine. It is within the normal range of emotions we live with, no? !

You go and take this fantastic opportunity, and when your baby will be older he can boast about his mother trekking in Chinal for the NAS

Angelcat666 · 27/04/2010 11:11

I agree with the others. Go for it

diddl · 27/04/2010 11:14

You´ll probably miss baby more than they will miss you

Original poster
Bluesunday · 27/04/2010 11:15

I don't doubt that Diddl!

OP posts:
MiniMarmite · 27/04/2010 11:25

Bluesunday YANBU at all, fantastic opportunity and cause.

Might be worth having a couple of shorter periods away beforehand so you can both get used to the idea.

I remember leaving DS with DH and my Mum for about 3 days when he was around 14 months. I have to say he was extremely clingy on my return and a little out of sorts apparently towards the end of my being away. Having said that he also had to go to the childminder during the day for one of the days that may have contributed (as he had only been going there for a couple of months). I was also still breastfeeding him twice a day at the time so he wasn't used to not having that yet either.

I missed him dreadfully of course but I was on an extremely boring work trip - I think your adventure will be more distracting!

porcamiseria · 27/04/2010 11:31

I am in the same boat, I agreed for my 2 year old to go to his fathers home land, but flights are so high we said they may as well go for 12 days. Now I am DREADING IT, 12 days without my baby .....

But, I know he will be OK with his dad and in the grand scheme of things its not that long a a time

sorry not very helpful?

Id say go for it, that story about Shanghai music made me feel better!

ronshar · 27/04/2010 11:32

Go for it. What a fantastic opportunity.
Try and focus on the money & awareness you will be raising by going.
Your baby may not even notice to much and most certainly wont be affected by your absence.
You have plenty of time to get everything arranged and for baby to be used to you not always being there.

I would worry more about the lack of toilets on the Great Wall

Original poster
Bluesunday · 27/04/2010 11:39

I'm really touched by all the supportive comments, thank you, I didn't expect that. I am about 90% sure I want to sign up now - I really want to do it - but I have that worrying nag in the back of my head - what if s/he gets sick and I'm all the way in China... could strap her/him to my back and do it that way??!!

OP posts:
FabIsGoingToGetFit · 27/04/2010 11:42

You don't stop wanting to do things for yourself just because you are a mum..

Good luck.

StepSideways · 27/04/2010 11:45

Should be fine, good luck with your walk!

ChippingIn · 27/04/2010 11:57

I looked after my friends 1 year old (1 yr, 2 days) and 3 year old for 12 days when her and her DH went away. I stayed at their house - the thing is, without giving too much away as I don't want to out myself - she'd only known me a fortnight when I did this! Both the kids were just fine The LO had been being bottle fed since about 6 months.

Disclaimer: I know less than nothing about this Trek - would it be possible to take the baby? Kind of a nice thing to do if it's possible...

imaginewittynamehere · 27/04/2010 12:03

Only you know if this is right for you & your family. You saying you feel a bit weird about it should be listened to; my guess is that you will feel even weirder about it once your dc is actually here. The fact that you have to commit so early is an issue, as would be the logistics of backing out if you felt at the time that it was not what you wanterd to do.

Just to be the voice of dissent if you are generally your dc's main carer this age can be a clingy one & imo a bad time for extended separation.

There is no way I would want to leave my 1 year old for this amount of time if there was another option.

Is there a reason you have to do it in 2011; will it never be arranged again, could you not get involved in fundraising in another way?

SeasideLil · 27/04/2010 12:21

I don't think leaving your 1 year old for 9 days is wrong, they will be fine without you, however, some of the points imaginewittynamehere has made are good ones about doing a big planned event (on which sponsorship depends). You don't know if you might like to keep breastfeeding (and would be more upsetting to have to give up to go away), you don't know how the baby will be (some are mega-clingy/attached at 1 year, some are much less like this, I've had one of each!), or if there might be any issues in the year which might make it a bad idea (health, other family). Reading this back, I'm thinking I'm being overcautious, but I wouldn't commit to the trip of a lifetime (which sounds wonderful and such a good cause) at this point, I would go on a small holiday or something which you could cancel, but I'm too aware that that first year can be unpredictable and rocky and there's no point if you might feel backed into a corner. If you are not as cautious as me, and can be very flexible, go for it!

Soapsy · 27/04/2010 12:26

It would be selfish if you were planning to go a solo holiday for 9 days. You are planning to participate in a charitable event to raise money for a worthy cause.

I say go for it, and what an incentive to get fit again after the baby!

Original poster
Bluesunday · 27/04/2010 13:16

imaginewittynamehere - you've just articulated all my worries! I suppose I could do it in 2012 but whether DC is 1, 2 or 12, I'll still miss and worry about him/her! Hmmmn....

OP posts: