Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to leave 1 yr old with DP for 9 days?

56 replies

Bluesunday · 27/04/2010 10:50

Hi, I just wanted to get some opinions on this. I really want to do a sponsored trek along the Great Wall of China for the National Autistic Society. My DS has autism, so it's a cause I feel really strongly about. The trek is happening October 2011, and I would aim to raise £3000 from it. I'm currently PG, due in October, so if I signed up for the trek I would be leaving a 1 year old baby with DP and PIL for 9 days. My other kids will be 14 and 10, but I have been away from them before (7 days in 2008) and they were fine, it's just leaving a baby I feel a bit weird about. Do you think it's selfish of me to want to do this? Do you think 1 is too young to leave for 9 days, should I forget the idea? Opinions would be great but please don't be mean! Thanks!

OP posts:
gtamom · 28/04/2010 01:38

Yanbu. I am sure the baby will be absolutely fine with his/her father. My mom said back when she gave birth, they kept mothers in the hospital for 10 days. She had my brother when I was 14 months old. When she came home she said I was shy towards her for an hour or so then was back to my normal self.

lowrib · 28/04/2010 14:20

"I think she'll be able to predict with some certainty how she'll feel about the third one."

I'm not sure this is true. Also, what about how her baby feels?! I know my DS would most likely be terribly distraught if I was away for 9 days (he is if I'm away for a night). This would be an important factor in any decision for me. It's surprised me actually how many of these responses focus totally on how the OP might feel and don't even mention the baby's feelings as a consideration!

If the Bluesunday was saying "I know my one year old would cope with this, but should I go anyway" that would be different. But we're talking about a baby who isn't even born yet. And, as I'm sure you all know, - much as we might like to shape our babies ourselves - they have their own personalities. Bluesunday's baby might be very attached to her, and find this very difficult. Or s/he might not, but no one can say for sure now. I don;' see how anyone can say it the baby will be fine, because the truth is it's possible that it might not, we just don't know.

Also, while the OP is clearly an experienced mum, that doesn't mean she knows necessarily how she will feel about the trip in a year and a half. It's ten years since she last had a baby. I don't know about you but I'm already forgetting what I could and couldn't do with a newborn in tow, and that was only last year! Also, things might well be different this time round. The OP is ten years older and wiser, her body is ten years older too (sorry to mention it!). Her family dynamic is different to what it was then, at the very least because of the other children's ages and demands. All these things and more could affect her relationship with her baby and make it different to her relationship with her other children as babies.

Also the world has changed - for example the WHO now advises to BF until your baby is two. The OP might find she wants to BF beyond one year, and I feel you can't necessarily predict this until you have met your baby and started developing your relationship with them, even if you've had babies before!

I just think there are to many unknowns, and some of them would lead to situations which I really woudn't want to be in, if it was me - for example being forced to give up BFing before the time I felt was right for my child. This would be personal tragedy for me. Or leaving a baby behind which was very attached, and possibly damaging our relationship.

For me, it's just too much of a risk. There will be other trips she can go on if she really wants to, other ways to raise money for the NAS (an admirable aim BTW), and other things she can do which suit her family better.

I think it's unfair to encourage someone else to do something like this when in reality it could be a real wrench when it comes to it.

HTH

Bluesunday · 28/04/2010 14:37

Thanks everyone for your encouragement, I really appreciate it. I don't have a lot of balls and somehow need the opinions of complete strangers to give me a kick up the bum. I think about 90% of me wants to do it, and 10% is worrying about all the unknown factors that might crop up in the next 18 months... the best laid plans of mice and men, and all that. I can definitely say I won't be BF-ing DC at the age of 1 though! I know from previous experience that whenever I handed DC over to PIL for a weekend break, I went running down the driveway at 100mp - freedom! - and was weeping about an hour later. I think I'm going to look for a trek where I can take the baby with me on my back - how impressive is that!?! Maybe something a bit closer to home. But I can always do the Wall in 2, 3, 5 years time. It'll probably still be there.
By the way, I would just like to point out that although my first baby is now 13 and my last pregnancy was ten years ago, I had my babies VERY young, so there's life in the old dog yet

OP posts:
5DollarShake · 28/04/2010 15:40

I don't think anyone's encouraging anthing, per se - just saying Bluesunday shouldn't feel bad if it is what she decides to do. But anyway - it looks as if it might all be postponed anyway.

TheBossofMe - yep, Shanghai Expo - she plays in a New Zealand orchestra, so I assume it is that orchestra, or perhaps a mini version of it going over. She is there now.

lowrib · 28/04/2010 16:03

"I think I'm going to look for a trek where I can take the baby with me on my back - how impressive is that!?! "

Bluesunday that sounds fantastic. As compromises go, that's got to be one of the best I've heard of! What an amazing thing to do, I am indeed impressed - and more than just a little

"there's life in the old dog yet" sorry I hope I didn't offend!

Bluesunday · 28/04/2010 16:17

Haha, no not offended at all!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page