to think I have done my best? And I don't need a lecture?

[getthewineinthefridge]

Kids went back to school Tuesday. Since then I have cleaned house top to bottom, restocked, got the veg garden going, walked the dog several times, been to the doctor with worrying health issue, fed us all, done nearly three weeks of ironing, changed all the beds etc etc. you know, all the usual. In other words, I've done my best to get us back on track, as we were a bit behind.

We are off out for the whole day today, a very important occasion so I am busy getting all our kit sorted and that we are in good shape for that.

Not so DH has just discovered that I did not, in my tour of cleaning duties, clean under the sofa cushions. This is something I would probably normally do every now and then, but with the whole house to do top to bottom this week, it got missed. I also missed, a simple mistake to dust the dining table. So, I did 95% at least of the house, missed those two things.

He is now going on about how the house is a MESS, and if I'm going to clean why can't I do it PROPERLY and he's off to do it. Right now. In the midst of us preparing to go out for a 12 hour stint with 2 young DC's. It cannot wait, and even though we won't be here to use or appreciate the clean sofa (under) and dining table (used once in a blue moon), he still insists it MUST BE DONE.

Yesterday, on return from GP with slightly concerning news, he was very kind (which to be honest, he mostly is) and said look, do whatever you feel like today, just take it easy, try not to worry, I'll take you out for lunch. And we did, and it was very nice.

But today, Jekyll has turned to Hyde. It's like the flick of a switch.

I'm miffed that he feels he needs to MAKE HIS POINT by doing this right now, and miffed with myself a bit for missing two items of the housework. But hey, that's not the end of the world? He would think so, clearly, as it is worth us being behind schedule for our day out - hence i have the time to post this whilst he cleans up MY MESS!!!!!!

I feel a bit mean posting this, and of course, this is saving me two jobs to do (!) but it really hacks me off that he had to go off the deep end. I did everything else ffs.

Let him clean it. I wouldn't be all miffed. Wants it done, he can bloody well do it himself.

He's a twit. Tell him I said so

Oh this reminds me of exactly why I live with just my dc.......and why it's no more live in men for me!!

To him, you're obviously the 'cleaner'

YANBU.

Is he maybe in a mood for some other reason? Not that he should take it out on you in this silly way, of course ... and not that I ever think anyone should take their DW to task over house-cleaning, very 1950s ... but it just sounds like something else random might be the matter?

But still, you have done an awesome amount of stuff and quite rightly are cross. Just trying to avoid the knee-jerk "divorce him!" type reply

Have you seen "Sleeping with the Enemy"?

Deffo tell him to do it himself and stop whining. I haven't dusted the table in the front room for months. Dust is for writing 'I love you' in. Tell him that ;)

Oh, tell him he's an areshole too.

Men like this are just plain weird. Can you tell him what an arse he is being?

Is he always like this? Or could it be that he is stressed out, I know my DH (and I) always get much more stressed by a messy house if we are generally tired and worried.

I would hardly called not hoovering under the cushions and forgetting to dust the table a 'messy house'. I'd call it a normal one.

I am

Tell him to FRO.

YANBU, but let it go. If he's so keen to do those jobs just let him at it.

From what you've said, you've done amazing work this week, but you're not perfect, you missed something, big deal. Don't let it bother you. He's being very controlling, but if you let it all wash over you he won't suceed.

Forget about it and have a lovely day out. I hope your health problem is resolved soon. Take care of yourself, you are so much more important than the housework

I'd be livid.... He is being a total arse!

Message deleted

I've never cleaned under my sofa cushions, god knows what's under there. He's being a prick.

Your husband checks under the cushions? Does he also don white gloves and run his fingers along the dado rail?

You've got bigger problems than cleaning I'm sorry to say.

scrudd- oh I wasnt saying the house is messy, I daren't even LOOK under the sofa cushions here, I just meant that little bits of any untidiness bother DH and I more if we are stressing about other things (and OP sounds like there are stressful things going on).

Of course he IS being an arse, but if he is generally nice there could be a reason for this temporary arsiness!

Is this a one off because he is anxious and wound up and this is displacement?
Or is he often slightly obsessive about things? Because believe me, even NOTICING that underneath the cusions hasn't been cleaned is way beyond a normal level of household management.
Or does he often expect to be able to take you to task over things on the one hand while being kind and cosseting on the other?

Sorry this has upset your morning, anyway. You have obviously worked hard to make sure things run soothly and it is not your fault that there is now a cloud hanging over the morning. Npot your fault at all.

Remain calm, assertive and reasonable. Do not appease or apologise. And later, talk to him directly about how he had no right to carry on like that.

Are you perhaps married to my DH?

This morning I got yet another little snide comment under the guise of "I'm only asking!" on the whereabouts of a particular shirt that he apparently put in the wash "ages ago". He totally refuses to acknowledge that this is a subtly disguised complaint about my not doing the ironing fast enough. He was warned that the next such comment will result in none of his ironing being done for a period of one month.

If he doesn't like it, let him do it himself!!

Thank goodness I am single so I don't have to accommodate this kind of nonsense. Even this "Of course he IS being an arse, but if he is generally nice there could be a reason for this temporary arsiness!", makes me feel very tired, the thought of pandering to someone elses moods and tantrums just makes me want to sleep for ten years. (although you are of course quite right Fanjo).

Don't argue with him, this is one thing I have found in my dealings with my horrible ex is that exploding at the unfairness of his behaviour is pointless, just look at him blankly, get on with what you are doing and wait for him to realise what a doughnut he is being.

Anyone who is bothered by a mess can clean it up quietly and tactfully himself, can't he? Just a thought.

Go without him and leave him to the cleaning?

the sofa cushions lift up?

i am definitely not saying pander to him and clean them, or he is right!

But if he is generally nice I wouldn't be calling him Patrick Bergin etc yet.

at nickelbabe.

getthewine, send him round to mine. He will have a near-death experience at the amount of dust and unwiped surfaces we tolerate as normal, and will return to you a chastened man.

Seriously - he is being ridiculous. You live in a home, not an exhibit for Cleanliness UK.

Hope the health issue clears up. Your doctor sounds nice, is he single? I'd go after him.

this always amazes me...can there be people out there that take their other halves to task for not doing enough housework?

sits on pile of dust, wondering<

OP, YANBU in big fat letters.