to think I have done my best? And I don't need a lecture?

[getthewineinthefridge]

Kids went back to school Tuesday. Since then I have cleaned house top to bottom, restocked, got the veg garden going, walked the dog several times, been to the doctor with worrying health issue, fed us all, done nearly three weeks of ironing, changed all the beds etc etc. you know, all the usual. In other words, I've done my best to get us back on track, as we were a bit behind.

We are off out for the whole day today, a very important occasion so I am busy getting all our kit sorted and that we are in good shape for that.

Not so DH has just discovered that I did not, in my tour of cleaning duties, clean under the sofa cushions. This is something I would probably normally do every now and then, but with the whole house to do top to bottom this week, it got missed. I also missed, a simple mistake to dust the dining table. So, I did 95% at least of the house, missed those two things.

He is now going on about how the house is a MESS, and if I'm going to clean why can't I do it PROPERLY and he's off to do it. Right now. In the midst of us preparing to go out for a 12 hour stint with 2 young DC's. It cannot wait, and even though we won't be here to use or appreciate the clean sofa (under) and dining table (used once in a blue moon), he still insists it MUST BE DONE.

Yesterday, on return from GP with slightly concerning news, he was very kind (which to be honest, he mostly is) and said look, do whatever you feel like today, just take it easy, try not to worry, I'll take you out for lunch. And we did, and it was very nice.

But today, Jekyll has turned to Hyde. It's like the flick of a switch.

I'm miffed that he feels he needs to MAKE HIS POINT by doing this right now, and miffed with myself a bit for missing two items of the housework. But hey, that's not the end of the world? He would think so, clearly, as it is worth us being behind schedule for our day out - hence i have the time to post this whilst he cleans up MY MESS!!!!!!

I feel a bit mean posting this, and of course, this is saving me two jobs to do (!) but it really hacks me off that he had to go off the deep end. I did everything else ffs.

God, I've come over all Xenia, but I'd be inclined to look for a job and tell him he can do the damn cleaning.

And pj - why doesn't your DH wash and iron his own shirts?

Getthewine - I feel exhausted just reading all the things you have achieved in the last few days.

Your husband is clearly being an arse.

It's intolerable. Imagine if you went through his flaws at work and gave him an ongoing performance review while he was in his HOME. That's what he's doing to you. He's not your boss.

Yes habbibu, I agree, if at all possible, go back to work... let the house descend into utter chaos and make him do 50% of it.

Agree with ski - checking under cushions is a bit... hmm.

Just put your kids in the car and go. Leave him cleaning if that's what makes him happy.

I often wonder what men like this would think of the state of my house .

YANBU at all and I really feel for you. Hope you have a good day out.

Its DEFINATELY displacement....goes on around here all the time...

Is he stressed about this big event today? Is it something eh doesn;t want to go to? Is there someone there he doesn't get on with.

My DH does it...and if I'm completely honest I do it too. I really never liked my MIL's husband, and every time it was a day that we were due to see them I KNOW I'd wake up grumpy and any clothes he put on our children were wrong...

My DH does the same - again, jsut about to go out the door and SOMETHING is ALWAYS wrong, and it has to involve a huge amount of grumpiness and inadequecy on my part...

I'm absolutely guessing he is not looking forward to this big event today. Is he going to be "on show" or anything..? Lots of people looking at him and having expectations of him?

Yes, definately displacement - my DH spends a lot of time fretting about ridiculously trivial stuff to avoid having to fret about the big important stuff (actually, so do I). But nonetheless, still twattish behaviour.

yanbu - does he have some form of ocd ? I like to leave a house staright if I know I won't feel like doign much on return but that is really abovew and beyond.

This is abuse IMO

He is ridiculing you and berating you for this? This is a bit scary actually. Is he always this controlling? He checked under the sofa cushions?

I find this very worrying TBH

Thanks for yr answers and support, glad I'M NOT GOING MAD!!!!

He is a bit OCD, he knows it and doesn't seem able to (or doesn't want to) rein it in when he knows it will upset me. Usually have one minor blow up of a weekend, last week was kids and their toys. It's unreasonable, it's ridiculous.

I know that, but the other 6 days, 23 hours of the week, he is normal, kind and very hard working (at work AND at home). After 12 years, I've just kind of got used to it. Doesn't mean I have to put up with it, and I always put my marker down that he is getting things out of proportion. Never apologise and never say "ooo, gosh must try harder next week".

Anyway, about to go out for our nice day, I hope!

Heaven's to Betsy, I'd be if getting the hump made my DH do some housework! I'd also be inclined to say 'your right darling I'm such a lazy slut, I've also forgotton to [insert job list here....mine I'm sure would be far longer than yours!] you wouldn't mind, while your at it, would you?'.

He's being a bellend. Ignore, if there's an underlying issue it will surface otherwise enjoy having 2 less jobs to do.

Hope you have a nice day

take your rolling pin, with you just in case..

Steady on. "This is abuse"? No, this is arsey behaviour.

I always find these threads hilarious...... YANBU
I never iron my husbands shirts and I don't dust etc, dh uses the hoover more than me. Housework is a crap job and like all crap aspects of our lives shoudl be shared out equaly.... I am on maternity leave with 8 week old and toddler at the mo and consider my dh bloody priviliged because i do the washing, get shopping in and cook most nights....
Frankly you are mad to put up with being a skivy to someone...... get some self esteem!

I would just be perfectly polite and tell him that if it worries him he can do it, but it isn't one of your priorities.

yanbu - he is bvu!

just thought i'd add that in our house, neither of us does ironing....

occasionally in summer when it's a crumpled fabric or cotton, but mostly it doesn't get done.
and DF wears a shirt and tie for church every week and strangely never looks creased!

but i can understand the OCD aspect, my ex was just like it. i suppose as long as it doesn't get on you and he's normal most of the time, then it's okay...

Hettie, I am not a skivvy! I clean the house for the benefit of all of us to have somewhere clean and comfortable to live. I take objection to DH's comments, but I don't cave in and go "oh no, how awful that I missed it". I don't work, my "job" is taking care of the house and the children. I am entirely comfortable with that being my role. Having worked in a high powered job for way too long, the general situation suits me just absolutely fine. Sure, housework is a bit dull, but the end result is (mostly) peace and harmony.

I enjoy being at home. DH goes out, works hard, earns a decent wage. The division of labour is not uneven. It's just the nature of the picky comments I resent and feel are unreasonable.

This does not make me a skivvy!! To his credit I suppose, in a small way, he didn't say "you do it" he did say "I'm going to do it". It was just his timing and approach that was uncalled for.

Anyway, there was some poor woman posting this week that her husband EMAILS HER her "to do list" each morning. Now that is seriously unbelieveable and makes my DH look like a saint in comparison.

We are nearly an hour leaving for our day out... but I always allow too long to get places, so hopefully this is it, we are off!!!

Bloody Hell!

How / why do women put up with this sort of thing? I cannot fathom it!

Take the piss out of him mercilessly until he acknowledges he's being precious.

Next birthday present for him: white gloves, a dustpan and brush, duster...

It's volcanic ash!! Not dust. Seems to have settled throughout my house somehow this week . Leave it, more will be falling over the next few weeks so it's like mopping the floor with the tap still running. Hope you are well enjoy your day out.