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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed about this...

51 replies

thehillsarealive · 22/04/2010 15:28

someone who I dont know has organised a babyshower (not sure if this is tacky or not) for one of my oldest friends. She sent me a message via facebook, and it has totally pissed me off.

A - because I dont know her nor have i ever heard my friend mention her,

B - she wasnt involved in her wedding or her hen weekend that I organised and I was her Bridesmaid (Matron of honour)

C - Because I feel this was MY job to organise for her.

So, I sent a message back asking if the mum to be knew of this babyshower or if it was a surprise and that I may be able to attend.

so, AIBU to be hacked off about this and if so what can I do about it? I did consider saying actually I have organised one for ... and quickly send out an email to the people who I know.

Now, if this had been the mum to be's SIL or another friend who I have met via MTB I wouldnt be miffed at all...

OP posts:

Psammead · 22/04/2010 15:30

YABU - someone's doing something nice for someone you care about. Why would that bother you? Just be pleased that someone thought of it.

DuelingFanjo · 22/04/2010 15:30

why does it have to be you who organises it.

YABU.

Just because you have never heard of this person doesn't mean she's not a good friend of your friend.

You should go along and celebrate with your friend and not be so precious about not being the one to organise it.

Oh and yes, Babyshowers are a tacky American invention.

scurryfunge · 22/04/2010 15:32

Little bit unreasonable....your friend has a new friend who wants to be involved. It's a little possessive of you...can't you all enjoy planning it together if that's what the mother to be wants

OTTMummA · 22/04/2010 15:35

yes YABalittlebitU - your friend does have other friends, i would look at it as a chance to enjoy the day with your friend ( maybe get her a super special gift ) instead of worrying about arrangements and how the day is going etc.

someone beat you to the punch, it is annoying i can understand, but really its not something to get really upset about.

pagwatch · 22/04/2010 15:36

Oh no

Take a deep breath and calm down.
This is your friend and you are contemplating setting up an alternative babyshower with all the friction and stress it would cause you friend.
Your friend maybe very grateful for all you did for her wedding and want you to just come along and enjoy.

Seriously . Hurt feelings are understandable but get a grip

Original poster

thehillsarealive · 22/04/2010 15:41

I suppose I should probably have mentioned that I came back to this message just after I have brought DS back from A&E with a concussion from a baseball bat and a bloody nose from the ball at PE today, also having new kitchen installed and am pretty stressed at the moment.

Its not that someone else is organising a babyshower - I havent even HEARD of this person and the mum to be would have mentioned her, not even in passing, it just seems a little strange to me thats all.

OP posts:

Original poster

thehillsarealive · 22/04/2010 15:41

oh and also the MTB and I live in the same village and this unknown person lives miles away.

OP posts:

pagwatch · 22/04/2010 15:42

Is DS alright?
Poor you!

Quite understand why you are cross but I would wait and see how it pans out. It may make sense eventually.

Psammead · 22/04/2010 15:48

Maybe you could message the person organising it and tell her that you'd love to pitch in with the arrangements. Although, it sounds as if you have a lot on your plate right now.

Hope your DS is fine.

thesecondcoming · 22/04/2010 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kickassangel · 22/04/2010 15:59

why not just ask the MtB? could it be someone from her work?
i didn't think that showers were meant to be a surprise - the mum is supposed to give some ideas of the things she wants, so that she doesn't end up with 15 pink bumpers, when she's expecting a boy and really needs sleepsuits.

pippop1 · 22/04/2010 16:01

Perhaps it's a relative that you haven't heard of.

Original poster

thehillsarealive · 22/04/2010 16:26

the second coming - she isnt even due her baby until end of July, she thinks baby showers are tacky, and as for the remark about godparents, it hadnt even crossed my mind.

I/we will be in this childs life anyway, regardless of whether we/I are chosen as Godparents.

pippop - we have been friends for over 20years, I know all her family, she knows mine, we are more like sisters than friends which is why I am surprised that I havent heard of this person. She doesnt really socialise with people from work - its not that type of place.

And yes my DS is fine, has blood all over himself and clothes which will wash off, had a double dose of calpol for the bang on his head and headache, is lounging on sofa being quiet.

OP posts:

thesecondcoming · 22/04/2010 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FickleFairy · 22/04/2010 17:19

I would be a bit miffed too to be honest but only cause I like to be The Organiser (bit of a control freak).

However, I have to say that I actually think Baby Showers are ok. Not in the American all singing all dancing way but as an opportunity for all the girls to get together and give little gifts (if you want to, of course) and celebrate with and spoil the Mum-to-Be before life gets totally mad and they don't see each other for a while.

So, go ahead, shoot me now!

uglymugly · 22/04/2010 17:23

If you don't know her - you say your friend has never mentioned her - could it be a wind-up or a mistake of some sort? Or someone who's muscling in, especially as your friend thinks baby showers are tacky.

Perhaps you could contact your friend and ask who this other person is. Your friend might have no idea what this other person is doing.

Original poster

thehillsarealive · 22/04/2010 17:26

not at all fickle - each to their own.

I have left a message for the mumtobe as she phoned me earlier but i was in A&E. Will ask about it when I speak to her.

OP posts:

Original poster

thehillsarealive · 22/04/2010 17:29

honestly ugly, never heard of her. I have heard of the girls from the running club, the girls who couldnt make her hen weekend or various other get togethers we have had. She also mentions so and so from where she used to live - which is what is strange about it.

Had it been so and so from running club (which has turned into cake club now) then I would have had an idea who she was.

OP posts:

minipie · 22/04/2010 17:33

are you sure you've never heard of her? could it be someone who has changed name after marriage or something?

can you look through FB and work out how she knows your friend?

being honest I think YABU, but I'm dead curious to know who this weirdo friend who's set up the baby shower is!

biddysmama · 22/04/2010 17:40

i dunno.... but you can organise a baby shower for me if you want? i'm on baby number 3 and never had one ...

GoingPostal · 22/04/2010 17:41

nothing worse than people organising you a babyshower when you don't actually want one - in my personal experience. I know where you're coming from though don't think organising an alternative is a great idea. hold fire and see what your MTB friend says.

PMSL at running club which is now a cake club btw!

pooka · 22/04/2010 17:44

I also love the running club that has morphed into a cake club!

FickleFairy · 22/04/2010 17:56

I need to run a Cake Club!! Better than a Book Club any day!

uglymugly · 22/04/2010 17:56

I know I have a rather suspicious mind, but it's such a strange situation that I'm wondering if it's some kind of scam, as in "I'm organising MTB's babyshower, can you send me loads of dosh for ".

Hopefully your friend can shed some light on who this person is and what she's up to.

Original poster

thehillsarealive · 22/04/2010 18:44

oh FFS it gets worse. (Apart from the fact I am in a slight grump anyway)

Just had MTB round with her husband to ooh and aah at half installed new kitchen and I asked her who this person was... She said oh, it is a girl who used to go to running/cake club, not seen her in ages etc etc. She didnt know anything about a baby shower, this person had contacted the dad to be and asked for my details which he gave. Just checked my FB and she said it was a big surprise and the MTB didnt know anything, just that we were having dinner at her flat with a couple of girls from cake and wine club. (btw, I HAVE heard of the other girls)

This just seems pretty bizarre to me. Nobody from the 'regular' friends or the hen girls or even the slightly bizarre SIL has been asked.

I am just confuzzled, no doubt after a nights sleep it might seem a bit more normal. Doubt it though.

Not quite sure what to do now - have probably let the cat out of the bag, but didnt know the bag was open iyswim? Probably shouldnt worry about it.

OP posts:

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