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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed about this...

51 replies

thehillsarealive · 22/04/2010 15:28

someone who I dont know has organised a babyshower (not sure if this is tacky or not) for one of my oldest friends. She sent me a message via facebook, and it has totally pissed me off.

A - because I dont know her nor have i ever heard my friend mention her,

B - she wasnt involved in her wedding or her hen weekend that I organised and I was her Bridesmaid (Matron of honour)

C - Because I feel this was MY job to organise for her.

So, I sent a message back asking if the mum to be knew of this babyshower or if it was a surprise and that I may be able to attend.

so, AIBU to be hacked off about this and if so what can I do about it? I did consider saying actually I have organised one for ... and quickly send out an email to the people who I know.

Now, if this had been the mum to be's SIL or another friend who I have met via MTB I wouldnt be miffed at all...

OP posts:
minipie · 22/04/2010 18:51

Ok, so your MTB friend has confirmed she knows the organiser (ok, not very well, but she's not a complete random). Organiser has chosen to invite some, not all, of MTB's mates to a dinner slash baby shower. No law that says she has to invite everyone MTB knows.

Sounds quite nice to me and maybe organiser just sees it as an opportunity to get back in touch with MTB and cake club people.

Quit worrying about it, it makes you sound v possessive about MTB mate.

kickassangel · 22/04/2010 19:01

so the running club has now become a cake AND wine club - excellent.

seaturtle · 22/04/2010 19:16

Why don't you do your own thing for her? I had two "surprise" baby showers because the organizer of the 2nd was peed off that the organizer of the 1st beat her too it. Personally thought 2nd organizer was being a bit precious at the time but hey, I was getting two baby showers. I wasn't complaining!

Original poster
thehillsarealive · 22/04/2010 19:25

If you knew me then you would know that I am not a possessive or jealous person, but I can see how it may read on here.

Maybe it is because I am good at organising things - and enjoy it. Who knows, today is probably not the right day to be thinking about it.

OP posts:
moondog · 22/04/2010 19:28

God this is all nuts.
Who in their right mind worries about this guff.
And the thought of a 'baby shower' is naff beyond belief.

HarderToKidnap · 22/04/2010 19:34

So essentially this girl is asking a few friends round for dinner and has asked if you would like to join them as the dinner is for your best mate. And you are upset about it.

YABU.

LittleSilver · 22/04/2010 19:37

The best thing about this thread is the running cake and wine club

MrsGravy · 22/04/2010 19:44

I was in a similar position to your friend a few weeks back. I have nothing against baby showers but I hate being the centre of attention and wouldn't really choose to have one unless it was very small and involved only very close friends and family. BUT one of the mums from school - who I know to chat to but not very well - organised a surprise baby shower for me. She didn't know my oldest friends and close family so obviously invited only other mums from school. I felt a bit awkward about it all - I hardly knew some of the mums there! But I could see her heart was in the right place, she was trying to do a nice thing for me. I enjoyed it and it's not like any harm was done. I really don't understand why you're 'annoyed' by it! Even if it seems wierd or tacky or not how you'd organise it, it's hardly a big deal to go along, smile and be gracious is it?

uglymugly · 22/04/2010 19:57

Well, for what it's worth, I don't think you're a possessive or jealous person.

It seems to me that this person is behaving in a rather bizarre and perhaps controlling way. It's as though she's decided what is to happen and who is to be invited, but the MTB hasn't seen her in ages. It sounds as though this proposed babyshower thing is this person pushing her nose into something that isn't her business. I'd be pretty ticked off if someone I hadn't seen in ages decided to organise something for me behind my back and then excluded people I'm close friends with.

I think that person is using you to get her own way, that she needs you on board to give credibility to what she's planning. Maybe she fell out with people in the running/cake club (and that's why you hadn't heard of her) and this is a way of getting back in.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 22/04/2010 20:26

Leave it. it's not your issue. Nothing to do with you. How did your friend take the news that this person was organising something? Unless she has a major problem with it, there's nothing for you to feel anything about here, imo.

madcatsazz · 22/04/2010 20:43

FWIW, i recently had a very lovely baby shower (not naff at all) with only closest friends and family and it was organised by a friend of my choosing and guest list hand picked by me. IMO, YANBU as I would have been mortified if someone random had taken it upon themselves to organise a party with people i consider important not there. However, that's the kind of person i am and anyone that knows me would know that. It depends if your friend is happy about it and as you have already told her you may as well leave to ball in her court. You could also ask if she would like something a little more intimate with close friends to celebrate new baby.

RunawayWife · 22/04/2010 20:47

YABU and a bit childish, she is allowed more then one frined you know

Original poster
thehillsarealive · 22/04/2010 21:13

oh for gods sake, dont your READ my posts. I know she is allowed more than one friend, never said it was about that at all did I? Jesus, we are not in school!

I just find it a bit weird that this person and not the many other friends or even a family member has organised this. This person has asked a few girls from cake and wine (alka running club) round for dinner and for a 'surprise' baby shower. It is odd that nobody else is invited.

I will of course go along with it and of course be polite, it is nice that she has thought to organise something, it is nice that she has also invited me, but I feel a bit strange about it is all. Maybe I will ask the other girls and her SIL if they want have a get together or organise something for the MTB at a seperate time?

thanks uglymugly for reading and understanding what I was trying to say.

OP posts:
CirrhosisByTheSea · 22/04/2010 21:19

It's not odd, at all, thehills....this person is inviting her circle of friends, within which she's met your friend. It would be weirder, imo for her to invite alot of people she doesn't know. She's invited you as you are clearly the best friend. I think it's fine, not weird at all. Each gathering does not have to consist of everyone someone knows.

Jajas · 22/04/2010 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

menomena · 22/04/2010 21:31

YABU, it doesn't sound like a big deal at all. Even if you don't know this other girl and she hasn't seen your friend for a while it's still nice of her to organise something and I don't really understand why you are so peeved about it.

Baby showers don't have to be tacky and I hope it turns out to be a nice get together

Original poster
thehillsarealive · 22/04/2010 21:38

jajas, i certainly am having a crapola time. The running club started when they were all beginners, then once the 'lead runner' went on holiday the girls started going out to the wine bar, then they took it in turns at each others house to have cake and wine of an evening as they got past beginner stage at running and no longer needed the 'leader' it just turned into cake and wine club.

The CW running club morph is hilarious. I do know that I should have donned my flak jacket for AIBU.

oh well.

OP posts:
MrsCrafty · 23/04/2010 01:33

Eat the Cake

Drink the Wine

and learn all of the words to the Star Spangled Banner or whatever it is they all stick their hands on their chests to sing in the US.

What with Halloween and baby showers...honestly, flippin US trads coming over here and usurping things like

Calling anything a Shower where I come from is not good.

Guy Fawkes Night.

sings loudly, all together now

O say can you see, by the dawns early liiiiiiiiiiiiiight...........

Get ready for Thanksgiving whilst you are here. Have a nice day!

There · 23/04/2010 01:46

For all you know, this friend of your friend can't believe that no-one has offered to do a baby shower for her yet, and thinks you're a terrible friend for not having offered to do it as she might think it's your role.

There's two sides to every story.

Maybe you could offer to help out - it this friend of your friend feels close enough to initiate a baby shower, you better get used to her...

Yes, if you're under stress, things do get blown out of proportions; it's so much easier to get annoyed about something minor than dealing with the cause of the real stress (your child's accident and the kitchen).

Ozziegirly · 23/04/2010 06:42

Well, as someone who is pregnant and doesn't know many people as all her best friends live in the UK, I think your friend is very lucky indeed to have people fighting to do her a baby shower.

Whether they are tacky or not, it's nice that this woman has lots of people who really like her. I bet she's nice, and I bet she doesn't realise how lucky she is to have such nice friends.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 23/04/2010 06:46

Baby showers aren't like hen's nights, in that you don't have to just have one. I know lots of people who have had a family member want to organise one, a workmate want to organise another, etc. It's annoying if you get invited to more than one, because you have to keep buying presents, but that's it.

Just ask your friend if she'd like you to organise a baby shower! The fact that there's another little one happening doesn't stop you doing that.

Ozziegirly, did I mention I quite like organising baby showers?

nubian1 · 23/04/2010 06:58

Message deleted

MrsGravy · 23/04/2010 08:27

Hm, so only people who agree with you understand??

Anyway, if you don't know who she is is it really that wierd that other close friends haven't been invited?? From an earlier post it sounds like she spoke to the Dad-to-be, maybe he only thought to pass your name on? Maybe you were the only name she could remember the mum-to-be mentioning?

I would honestly try not to look for some awful motive here, I mean, honestly, are you going to condemn someone you don't even know for being 'controlling' as ugly suggests, just for organising a baby shower??

Maybe she really likes your friend, was going to organise a get together anyway and just though, 'I know, I'll make it a baby shower'. Give her the benefit of the doubt, go on.

Original poster
thehillsarealive · 23/04/2010 15:58

I will give her the benefit of the doubt MrsG - if she is friends with my friend she must be ok.

AFter a good nights sleep and the world righting itself I dont even know why I got in a funk over it last night, well I do, but it doesnt matter any longer to me.

OP posts:
brightyoungthing · 23/04/2010 16:54

I understand how you must feel, if my best friend was pregnant and a total unknown emailed me to say they'd organised a baby shower I'd be furious!!

Maybe you could say to the unknown that a lot of her old friends from the wedding/hen night wanted to do one so perhaps there will have to be 2?One for the cake club runners and one for the old bunch??

It's difficult when people have different groups of friends as I'm finding out organising my sisters hen do! Her newer friends won't come because they don't know the old bunch so she had to have 2, and no-one minded at all

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