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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to still put my nearly 4 year old in pull-ups at night??

76 replies

superv1xen · 21/04/2010 19:38

omg i am so angry.

DS (4 next week) has been toilet trained for 18 months in the day. but i cant get him out of pull ups in the night. he goes to the loo before he goes bed and 9 times out of ten his pull up is only slightly wet in the morning, so i think he probably just leaks a bit in the night still. he takes his own pull up off in the morning and goes to the loo.

basically (long story) but DP has said DS should be night trained by now and was really sarcastic about it as if DS was backward or somat. he said "DD better not be stil in them at nearly 4!!"

ds is not his btw, but DD is. (DS is from a prev relationship.) and for some reason his attitude makes me angrier because of this.

i am fuming. is it so wrong to put a child that age in pull ups?? most of my friends with older kids still had theirs in them at 4ish, one of my friends DS's only came out of pullips at night just after he turned 5!

OP posts:
Original poster
superv1xen · 21/04/2010 19:39

and this argument conversation started when i sent DP shop for pull ups for DS and he came back with nappies as if to make DS feel silly putting a nappy on him. i am really upset

OP posts:
pjmama · 21/04/2010 19:42

My DTs are 3.6 and my DS has just last night given up his night time pull up. His sister however has a proper soggy pull up every morning, so no end in sight there! There's no rush and pushing them to do it before they're ready is probably counter productive. Tell your DP to do get over himself.

SalFresco · 21/04/2010 19:44

My DS is 4 next month and still in nappies at night. He has been dry in the day for a year. He has told me he intends to wear nappies until he is 4, and I'm happy to go along with it - he told me he would stop wearing nappies in the day at 3 and he was dry within 2 days!!

It is very common for boys not to be dry at night at this agr. Your DP is being a complete arse. I see why you are so upset.

IBlameThePMT · 21/04/2010 19:45

DP is being very unreasonable indeed. (I was going to say stupid, but thought I should be polite!)

I have heard or read that there is a hormone that is needed for children to be dry at night, and that it kicks in at some point up to 7 years of age. So your DS is fine, and sounds like he is nearly there anyway. He really doesnt need an issue made of it when its nearly sorted!

BoysAreLikeDogs · 21/04/2010 19:45

night time dryness is a hormone thing, the child cannot help or influence it in any way. Until their body starts to produce the hormone (any time from about age 3 onwards) then no amount of adult grumping will solve. See school nurse or Dr for a referral to a special clinic at age 7 as it's not considered a medical problem until age 7

stick with the night nappies as long as you like; it's very common.

things you can do to help:

stretch the bladder to improve capacity/volume held by increasing the fluids given

stick to milk or water and avoid red/brown drinks (coke, ribena, tea etc)

madwomanintheattic · 21/04/2010 19:46

don't be ridiculous. ds1 is still in pull-ups at 8. no gp will even bother to view it as worth investigating until 7.

get him to read the eric website if he's so woefully underinformed.

madwomanintheattic · 21/04/2010 19:46

lol bald. x post

susiey · 21/04/2010 19:47

my dd is 4.5 and is still in a pull up at night. we tried her a few months ago with night training but she wets 3 times in the night she really doesn't feel it at all.
her nappies are wet through in the morning
your son is still young
YADNBU

IBlameThePMT · 21/04/2010 19:47

Plus he does seem to be distinguishing between your DS and his DD which is crap and is probably what has hurt you in particular. Tell him to grow up.

nigglewiggle · 21/04/2010 19:47

DD is 4.2 and still very much needs pull ups at night. My understanding is that their body has to produce sufficient quantities of a hormone before they will wake at night if they need to wee. I haven't given it a second thought and am just waiting for it to happen in the same way as I am waiting for her baby teeth to wobble and fall out. I don't consider dry nights any more of a developmental achievement than the emergence of adult teeth!

APassionateWoman · 21/04/2010 19:48

Plenty of children of that age aren't dry at night. YANBU. Your DP is being an arse.

rastababi · 21/04/2010 19:50

YANBU, talk to your DH about it and raise the issue with him about how its making your feel.

DD1 is 4 and is in pull ups for bed, no where near being dry at night.

bumpybecky · 21/04/2010 19:51

he is being an arse and YADNBU

10% of 5 year olds wet the bed
5% of 10 year olds wet the bed

as told top us by the enuresis (bed wetting) specialist doctor

rastababi · 21/04/2010 19:51

DP sorry.

mrsgrumpygruffalo · 21/04/2010 19:52

My DS2 is 4:3 has been dry during the day for over a year and still has a pull up at night, tried him without about a month ago but was waking up soaking wet every morning so have gone back to pull ups.

There's no point rushing him if he's not ready.

Your DP is being unreasonable for making an issue of it.

orienteerer · 21/04/2010 19:52

YANB at all U

waitingforbedtime · 21/04/2010 19:53

Glad Ive found this thread, my ds is 3y4m and still in nappies at nights and at his naptime and MIL looked at me like I was insane when she found out.

CMOTdibbler · 21/04/2010 19:58

YANBU at all. My DS will be 4 next month, has been out of nappies since he was just turned 2, but in spite of a big wee before bed always has a soggy nappy in the morning.

My mum keeps going on about lifting him in the night, and it drives me up the wall

MeMudmagnet · 21/04/2010 20:04

DD1 was nearly 6 I think. I did wonder at the time if it would ever happen, but one day that was it, no training, no bribes, no treatment.
He has to develop in his own time, he has no control over this, so it's unfair to make him feel bad

3cats3dogs · 21/04/2010 20:31

I'm so pleased my dh doesn't have that attitude!
We are waiting for dd's referral, and she is nearly 8.
We've tried lifting her, and it has no effect, we've been told that we are "letting" her be naughty .

BrokenBananaTantrum · 21/04/2010 20:38

bloody hell 3 cats what an awful thing to say to you.

my dd is 3.9 and still has nappy at night and it is full in the morning

super YANBU he will be ready when he is ready and thats it. DP will have to get this into his head. I can see why you are upset with him seeming to favour DD. Is he like this about other things with the two of the?

nickytwotimes · 21/04/2010 20:40

Yanbu at all.
Perfectly within normal range to be in pull-ups at night at that age. I know plenty of 4 yr olds plus who still need something at night.

Slugbrains · 21/04/2010 20:41

Ds is five and still in nappies. i have refused to get pull ups because they are so bloody expensive and the nappies still fit. tonight we had a negotiation. He wanted fabric pants and drinks before bed. I am knackered after a particular rough patch. I told him it was drink or pants. If they are going to be dry it isnt going to matter what they are in. Cant lift ds as he suffers from night terrors and sleeping disorder which means none would be had. Plus his cousin and dad were both relly late being dry and there is limited evidence that this tendancy runs in the family. I will try in the summer but tbh I am not going to worry for another year or so. your DP/DH is a prat and being nasty. He needs to get overhimself. Can you find out how old he was when he got dry at night and use it against him? Most boys are quite late apparently.

MmeLindt · 21/04/2010 20:41

I am going to refer to this post, by Kewcumber, which sums it up very well.

By Kewcumber Wed 14-Apr-10 23:04:38
Two physical functions prevent bedwetting. The first is a hormone that reduces urine production at night. The second is the ability to wake up when the bladder is full. Children usually achieve nighttime dryness by developing one or both of these abilities. There appear to be some hereditary factors in how and when these develop.

The first ability is a hormone cycle that reduces the body's urine production. At about sunset each day, the body releases a minute burst of antidiuretic hormone (also known as arginine vasopressin or AVP). This hormone burst reduces the kidney's urine output well into the night so that the bladder does not get full until morning. This hormone cycle is not present at birth. Many children develop it between the ages of two and six years old, others between six and the end of puberty, and some not at all.

The second ability that helps people stay dry is waking when the bladder is full. This ability develops in the same age range as the vasopressin hormone, but is separate from that hormone cycle.

Most children develop the ability to stay dry as they grow older. The typical development process begins with one- and two-year-old children developing larger bladders and beginning to sense bladder fullness. Two- and three-year-old children begin to stay dry during the day. Four- and five-year-olds develop an adult pattern of urinary control and begin to stay dry at night

I am not as polite as IblamethePMT, I will say that your DP is being a complete tosser. Great way to build up your DS's self-esteem.

NintyZelda · 21/04/2010 20:44

DS has only just come out of nappies at night recently and he was 4y3m. He simply wasn't ready before that age. It sounds like your DP is being unreasonable and trying to make your DS feel like a baby by buying him nappies instead of his usual pullups, it is just mean and certainly won't help DS as it will knock his confidence.
I would be very worried if my DH behaved like that, I would have to speak up.