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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to still put my nearly 4 year old in pull-ups at night??

76 replies

superv1xen · 21/04/2010 19:38

omg i am so angry.

DS (4 next week) has been toilet trained for 18 months in the day. but i cant get him out of pull ups in the night. he goes to the loo before he goes bed and 9 times out of ten his pull up is only slightly wet in the morning, so i think he probably just leaks a bit in the night still. he takes his own pull up off in the morning and goes to the loo.

basically (long story) but DP has said DS should be night trained by now and was really sarcastic about it as if DS was backward or somat. he said "DD better not be stil in them at nearly 4!!"

ds is not his btw, but DD is. (DS is from a prev relationship.) and for some reason his attitude makes me angrier because of this.

i am fuming. is it so wrong to put a child that age in pull ups?? most of my friends with older kids still had theirs in them at 4ish, one of my friends DS's only came out of pullips at night just after he turned 5!

OP posts:
dinkystinky · 21/04/2010 20:44

I agree with all the other posters - he'll be dry in nights when he is ready, not when your DP thinks he should be, and there's no point in trying to rush it. DS1 turns 4 this week and is in pull ups at night time - 4 out of 7 times they are dry in the morning but not always. Will wait till he's ready to drop them. Your DP is being abit unfair and unreasonable about all this - he needs to chill out and give you and your DS a break.

feedthegoat · 21/04/2010 20:45

my ds is 4.5 and is still in nappies at night. He is out like a light at night and never wakes for the toilet so I don't even bother with using pull ups. He usually has a very wet nappy in the morning.

It isn't bothering either of us so I don't see the point in worrying about it yet.

defineme · 21/04/2010 20:45

He's misinformed and ignorant, but most worrying by far is the attitude to his stepson- if he diferentiates his treatment/opinions of them because of being the blood father of one, then how can you trust his parenting decisions? Do you really want your ds to grow up feeling 2nd best? Even subtle diffences in treatment can damage a child's self esteem.

I'd be very very angry and I'd be very specific about how you want your children treated/spoken about.

Undercovamutha · 21/04/2010 20:48

YANBU. Your DP is being an idiot.

Try not to worry about it - your DS is totally normal. I know plenty of 4 yos who are still in pullups at night.

BTW my DD is 3.7 and has just come out of pullups - but can only do so if she has her last drink a good hour before she goes to sleep. When does your DS have his last drink?

PussinJimmyChoos · 21/04/2010 20:49

DS is nearly 4 and in pull ups at night...quite a few mornings the pull ups are dry but there are times when they are really heavy, even though we take him for a wee before he goes to bed.

I am not stressed about it at all. I think it would be far more distressing for him to wake up at night having wet the bed and then have to wait while we change everything, clean him up and everything else and besides, he needs a good nights sleep or he will suffer for it the next day

He had an accident the other day and wet himself..puddle on the hallway floor, soaking wet jeans and even though I never make a big deal out of any accidents, he was upset by it. Couldn't imagine how much more upset he would be if it happened in the night on a regular basis!

BrokenBananaTantrum · 21/04/2010 20:50

i totally agree defineme. Whe i was growing up i was never really comfortable around my nan. There was nothing specific that she did that was different with me than with my sister but i just had a feeling. When my sis and i talked about it as adults it turns out that she was open with my mum about preferring my sister and that my sis was also aware of this (she is 5 years older than me) so young children do know and if he is being blatent in his favouritism (sp) with dd now I suspect this will continue.

LittleMissHissyFit · 21/04/2010 20:52

Oh for goodness sake, your DP is out of line love.

My DS was in pull ups over night until a couple of months after his 4th birthday... Before this, he showed no signs of ever wanting to wake up dry.

One night just said to me, out of nowhere, that he didn't want to wear nappies that night..

I was really nervous, but I have a safety sheet on the bed, I have a spare, I have a washing machine... so thought what the hell, don't over-rule him on this, I have to trust him, he has to make decisions for himself.. and he's never put nappies on again.

He caught me well and truly out actually, I'd just bought 2 packs of nappies and had a ton of spares from getting snowed in at my mums....

9 times out of 10 boys will get to it in their own time. I still lift DS, but probably ought not to, he is capable of getting himself up mostly... but we have had a couple of accidents.

Don't worry at all superv1xen, and tell your DP to can it too, and leave the child care to the expert!

I know 5yo that still aren't out of nappies, it's not a failing of the parent/child everytime, some DC take longer to work it all out.

FWIW, I had BW issues till I was about 8yo, very heavy sleeper, so slept through the signs. A star chart worked for me. A star chart seems to be working for DS and his poos too...

Hobnobfanatic · 21/04/2010 20:54

My DD is 6 and in Dry Nights still. I refuse to make a big deal of it, and she's having more and more dry nights as she gets older. Never quite reaches a week, unless we're on holiday, when she sleeps more lightly. But her dad wasn't dry until he was in double figures, so she must get her bladder from him!

She can't help it and I don't want to go down the route of giving her the hormone in tablet form yet. I think she just needs more time - and your DS is the same.

Juices always make her worse - I know when her nan has slipped her an apple juice! At home we only have milk or water...

Good luck. I'd be furious with my DP too - poor kid doesn't need any pressure right now.

oliviacrumble · 21/04/2010 20:54

Of course YANBU!

But this isn't just about the pull-ups, is it?

I seem to remember you posting previously about the hurtful way your dp differentiates between your ds and dd.

This issue just won't go away of its own accord.

You really need to confront the problem head-on, and maybe make some painful but necessary decisions.

At the very least you need to start talking about what's behind his hurtful comments...

GrimmaTheNome · 21/04/2010 20:55

My DD was not dry till she was in year 3, after several months of sessions with the eneuresis nurse. They do not even start referring children till they are 7 because until then it is totally within normal parameters to not be dry at night.

Your DP is simply ignorant on this subject. I

For those who've mentioned 'lifting', its not recommended by the professionals - it doesn't help the child control itself. So don't feel bad if you're not doing it, you're right! (but if it works for you, it probably doesn't actually harm)

Pronoia · 21/04/2010 20:58

You have bigger problems than your child being in pull ups, you have problems with your 'partner' getting a kick out of humiliating a 4 year old little boy.

You need to sort this out, pronto, or your little boy will grow up with zero self esteem and resent his sister for being loved more by his pseudofather (which she very clearly is)

Caboodle · 21/04/2010 20:59

DS is 4 1/2 and still in pull-up at night, but is 2 yr old brother is dry. I haven't worried about this because why worry when there isn't anything I can do, and it doesn't bother him, but it has been reassuring to hear it could be hormonal.
You are not unreasonable, and I understand your anger. I was v cross when DS's teacher told him be should be out of nappies at night - none of her business frankly.

Lubyloo · 21/04/2010 21:00

YANBU but your DP is.

My DD is 4.5 and next month it will be three years since she was dry in the day. However we have only ever had one dry nappy at night. Her nappy is always saturated in the morning so I don't think she'll be dry anytime soon!

Show your DP all the replies to this thread and hopefully he will realise how unreasonable he was being!

whatname · 21/04/2010 21:01

tell him to take over the training then

Pronoia · 21/04/2010 21:03

Fuck no do NOT let a bully take over the toilet training of a child he clearly holds in contempt.

Don't let him do ANYTHING with your son if you value your son's happiness.

whatname · 21/04/2010 21:06

sorry, did that sound bad? i didn't mean to be flippant
i am just sick of men that dole out these opinions but have no real experience of how to do it

Original poster
superv1xen · 21/04/2010 21:09

his little face when i had to put a nappy on him

i told him the shop had ran out of "pull up pants" and said i would buy him some proper pull ups tomorrow.

he was embarassed though, i could tell even though i stuck the sides together before putting it on him he knew full well it was a nappy.

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 21/04/2010 21:12

YABU. You say "9 times out of ten his pull up is only slightly wet in the morning" so it sounds like he is ready. What exactly are you waiting for?

whatname · 21/04/2010 21:12

ahh, bless him.

dinkystinky · 21/04/2010 21:15

Superv1xen - get him a little treat too tomorrow to say how proud you were of him being so good about having to wear a nappy instead of a pull up tonight because the shop had run out - and get the most expensive pull ups - at DP's expense.

sallyJayGorce · 21/04/2010 21:15

DS (4 and a half) wears 'night-timers'. He is very distressed if we run out and he has to borow his little sister's nappy. He likes that is says for '4-7' year olds on the packet. He'll do it in his own time. I'm not worried and neither is DH. Tell you DH not to be a twat.

biglips · 21/04/2010 21:17

i was thinking the same as Cote....why dont u try the Pampers bed mat and go from there

nigglewiggle · 21/04/2010 21:21

Super - I had the same thing with DD1. We had run out of pull-ups and she was determined not to wear a nappy. The only thing that persuaded her was when I confided in her that I had worn one when I ran out of pads after giving birth to DD2 .

He will get over the wearing of the nappy, but as others have said, you need to deal with your DP's attitude.

Undercovamutha · 21/04/2010 21:26

Been thinking about your DPs attitude, and I think you need to have a real think about what his attitude towards your son is like in areas other than toilet training.

I would not necessarily label him as being 'against' your son just for this one thing. Me and my friends often have chats about how our DHs say stupid things in relation to the DCs, and have totally unrealistic expectations. Often, because they don't speak to many other parents about child development, they have no idea what is normal and what isn't. For example my DH has said things like 'why does DS have to cry like a baby all the time' - urh, maybe cos he is a baby! Or 'DD - you need to pull yourself together, and stop being so childish!' - she's 3.

However, you need to understand whether your DPs attitude to your DS is poor in other areas. And if so, you really need to take control of the situation and sort it out. It is totally unfair for your DS to have to put up with unfair/biased treatment.

paisleyleaf · 21/04/2010 21:35

I agree that the pull up thing isn't your problem (use some sort of mattress protector/towel on a bin liner under the sheet even instead of the nappies).
Your problem is your DP's attitude to your little 3 year old boy.