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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to still put my nearly 4 year old in pull-ups at night??

76 replies

superv1xen · 21/04/2010 19:38

omg i am so angry.

DS (4 next week) has been toilet trained for 18 months in the day. but i cant get him out of pull ups in the night. he goes to the loo before he goes bed and 9 times out of ten his pull up is only slightly wet in the morning, so i think he probably just leaks a bit in the night still. he takes his own pull up off in the morning and goes to the loo.

basically (long story) but DP has said DS should be night trained by now and was really sarcastic about it as if DS was backward or somat. he said "DD better not be stil in them at nearly 4!!"

ds is not his btw, but DD is. (DS is from a prev relationship.) and for some reason his attitude makes me angrier because of this.

i am fuming. is it so wrong to put a child that age in pull ups?? most of my friends with older kids still had theirs in them at 4ish, one of my friends DS's only came out of pullips at night just after he turned 5!

OP posts:

DinahRod · 21/04/2010 21:50

If ds was embarrassed about the nappy, could you not consider bed mats for a bit? And then either see if he can go through the night (give him 3-4 nights to see if he starts to do it). If he can't manage it yet, then wake him when you go to bed and take him to the toilet and keep doing this until he's ready of his own accord (used to wake ds to take him to the toilet for two years and then at 6.0 yrs suddenly he was ready yet dd ready at 3.11 yrs, they're all different).

jurisfictionoperative · 21/04/2010 21:51

Next time you are in the supermarket, get this stupid man to check what age pull ups go up to. The biggest size is 7 to 11. My son was nearly eight before he was dry at night, there were no pills or referrals, the doctor told me it is perfectly normal in boys not to be dry up to age 11. We tried bed mats, lifting him, everything, but he did it when he was ready. We came down hard on anyone who made judgemental comments in front of him, and he sorted it out in his own sweet time.
Like my doctor said, how many kids go off to uni with pull ups, a dummy or a bottle of milk at bedtime? They all grow up eventually, parents shouldn't bow to 'peer' pressure!
Did this man have his own childhood issues with bedwetting? Maybe that's why he gets so heated about it?
Either way, him treating your dcs differently is not fair on them. Eventually they will see it, and it could affect their relationship. You have to stop this now.

pigletmania · 21/04/2010 21:52

YANBU at all, I have read that night time toilet training is a totally different to daytime and depends on the physiology of the child. They will do it when their body is ready to and can be up to 7 years old so dont worry there is not rush.

BleachedWhale · 21/04/2010 21:56

He is well within normal range for children to not be dry at night.
DS is not the problem here: your DP is being very unpleasant and competitive about the older child in his 'nest'. I would keep a close eye on that.

outnumbered2to1 · 21/04/2010 22:01

my neighbours DS was 5 in january and he still wears pull ups going to bed.

snala · 21/04/2010 22:01

YANBU. Your poor ds .

Tell him to grow up and that dd will also be in pull ups at night until she is ready.

Have it out with dp and make it clear that ds is not to be spoken to/about like that again.

ARSE

snala · 21/04/2010 22:04

(DP to grow up not DS )

Pronoia · 21/04/2010 22:23

Your partner is a cunt.

Will he be taking the piss out of your daughter if she doesn't start her periods when she's 14? Will he make her wear a vest instead of a bra because she's "too childish and lazy" to start her periods?

And will you be complicit in this treatment, as you are complicit with his treatment of your son? YOU put the nappy on him, you ignored his wish not to wear a nappy.

I have a son the same age as yours, and if ANYONE treated him the way your poor little boy is being treated (ie, with utter contempt) their feet wouldn't touch the ground, they'd be out so fast.

I know you don't want your daughter to 'lose' her dad (which she won't if he mans up and sees her) but you're sacrificing your son's emotional health on the alter of your daughter's relationship with a father who isn't even that good.

MintHumbug · 21/04/2010 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnnieLobeseder · 21/04/2010 22:27

It's perfectly normal for children not to be dry at night until they're 7! Let alone 4. Your DP is being an ass.

DD1, who is 4.5, has only this very month finally stopped wearing pullups in bed, and she was dry in the day from very early on.

StrawberriesAndCherries · 21/04/2010 22:35

Your DP is a nasty idiot.
DDs were dry day and night by the time they were 2, my DS aged 5 is still taken to the loo at night and sometimes still wets. So flipping what?? Every child is different and comparing them makes things worse not better.

missmoopy · 21/04/2010 22:41

Your DP sounds like a total arsehole. Your son is normal, lots of children still have accidents at night.

Nettiespagetti · 21/04/2010 22:53

Yrnbu at all! I would be p@#*d @ do for his differing attitude with both DC.?

My Ds is 3.5 and wears pj pants. He has asked once not to wear them and I tried for three wet nights. He has totally full pj pants every morning and he has been dry during day (stillnodd accident) for a year.?

I'm trying to chill out and let him do it in his own time!

2rebecca · 21/04/2010 23:02

If it's night time I'd use a nappy rather than pull ups. They're not exactly going to be pulling them up and down much so it seems a waste of money. I also think nappies encourage kids to try and get out of them. I used terries though so it was all nappies.

Ladyem · 22/04/2010 07:55

Wow! I'm so glad I read this thread! I had no idea that being dry over night is a hormonal thing. DD has just turned 3 and been dry in the day for about 8 months, but is a very heavy wetter overnight. I have so many friends that smugly tell me that their DCs were dry over night by the age of 2.5yo and give me a sympathetic look when I say that DD is still in pull ups (We've only gone onto pull ups as the nappies are a bit too small now!!). I'm not one for all this competitive parenting, and just smile and nod and say that she'll do it in her own time. I'm so glad I was right on that one and I'm now beginning to question whether my friends are telling the truth!!

Ladyem · 22/04/2010 08:01

Oh, and YADNBU!!

janajos · 22/04/2010 08:03

I don't know, it is really easy to misinterpret remarks from a new partner as offensive when they would simply have been misguided if they had come from the father. You would probably just have laughed if he had been your ds's father (and sent him back to exchange the pull-ups for nappies with a flea in his ear about how out of touch he was!!)

I should know because I am in a similar situation with a wonderful man whom I still resent from time to time because he is not my eldest two boys father....

Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 22/04/2010 08:05

YANBU - Am quite interested in reading this thread as dc 2.6 has just completed toilet training (2.4) and is dry during the day and has just started being fry through the night - no pull ups or nappies - which I know is good for his age - interested in some of the research quoted - really does show that they're all different

thesouthsbelle · 22/04/2010 08:06

nope DS still has them, he's 4 and dry totally at night, but I know as soon as they come off he won't be!!

FourArms · 22/04/2010 08:07

DS1 was still in nappies until 2 nights ago and he's 6. Pampers size 6 still fitted him... just. Pull ups wouldn't have held all the wee and leaked.

We're now trying a bed alarm, but that's another thread!

ben10isgr8 · 22/04/2010 08:41

My DH (father to both dc) also comes out with pearls of wisdom like your DP. I get irritated by his lack of knowledge, understanding and the implication that I
have failed in some way over whatever issue he brings up.

I would be irritated too and would make sure he was very well informed and that next time he goes for pull ups that is what he should bring home.

None of us know your detailed situation so you are best to judge what is ment nastily and what is just uninformed drivel.

Is it possible that you are over sensitive to the reltionship and are watching for possible differences in treatment IYSWIM.
I mention that just because you put that "DD better not be stil in them at nearly 4!!" which makes me think he is also expecting dd to be fully trained by your ds age and it is a lack of knowledge thing rather than comparison of the two.

As for the nappies, not all men would get the difference between a nappy and pull up as to them they stop the bed being covered in pee end of!

You are best to judge and as ppers said if you have concerns then speak up. You are your dc support and voice right now so you have to take charge.

good luck

HanBanan · 22/04/2010 08:44

DD is coming up to 4 and she's still wetting her nappie-pants overnight. She's not ready. All the night lifting in the world won't help - it's just going to make you knackered and stressed. And the kids can't magically do it as already said it's biological.

Don't make an issue of it but tell your partner to sort his attitude out because he's obviously misinformed and he's going to upset your son.

I assume your partner isn't one of those blokes who hasn't learnt to put the lid back down on the loo, or dribble pee on the seat/floor, or worse still do that nightime wee-walk after a few beers....I used to wish they did nappie pants for 30 year olds!

Lovesdogsandcats · 22/04/2010 11:00

All I can say is, tell your dh that it is competely NORMAL esp in boys and doctors see it as NORMAL until the child is at least 7...so, breath a sigh of relief, relax for the next 3 years and tell dh to shut it.

Penthesilea · 23/04/2010 23:09

My son is 4.5 and is showing no signs of ever being dry at night! One Health Visitor made a big deal about it - in my son's hearing, which really upset him - I asked not to see her again. To my mind, I've got better things to be worrying about, especially as this is something he genuinely can't help. I buy the cheapest supermarket "own brand" nappies I can find, esp when they're on special offer, so the expense doesn't get to me. I have found that toilet training can be a bit of a competitive issue, especially with the "old school". My son wasn't toilet trained during the day until almost 3, despite strenuous efforts on my behalf for 10 months prior to that, and I got a lot of commentary: "Ooh, in my day, every child was toilet trained at 18 months, mothers nowadays, eh?" which irked, still get the occasional comment on how "slow" he was when quite plainly he is not a slow child and I can't see how toilet training is linked to intelligence, surely it is controlled by chemicals in the brain?! I put these unhelpful attitudes down to past trends and probably a high level of past competitiveness - I bet not every child was toilet trained that early, parents were just too embarrassed to admit it if their child wasn't. So maybe your partner has picked up some of these attitudes by listening to the older generation. Honestly, I would just dismiss it, however annoying.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 23/04/2010 23:13

I have a 4.10 year old dd who is still not dry at night. DH sometimes expresss concern about it, but HE remembers wetting his bed (and then hiding under it, as his mum would get mad ) so I usually remind him it is HIS genetic legacy.

I've done the research and they do it when they are ready, so I reassure dd that it will happen and its ok.

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