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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I really being so horrible and unfair?

63 replies

peacelover · 21/04/2010 10:05

DP went out an hour ago and I'm still angry with him so I'm going to have to vent.

Anyway, it was my day off today because I work weekends and I'm absolutely choked with the cold. I had a really bad night's sleep last night so was kind of hoping to have a little lie-in. DP has to leave for work at 8:15 to catch the bus to work. As usual, his alarm started going off about 7:15 and as usual it was left to me to get up and put it on snooze every 5 minutes until he eventually decides to get out of bed (this is an argument that I'm saving for another day). Every time it went off I told him he needed to get up and shook him awake. After a while, he told me to stop f*cking elbowing him (just trying to make sure he gets up in time).

I had to keep nagging him until he eventually got out of bed at 8:20 and then he decided that he wanted to wear a particular shirt so I had to iron it. At 8:30 he was ready to go and said that I had to take him because he'd missed the bus. At this point, I explained that it wasn't my fault he didn't get out of bed and he's just going to have to take the consequences. I was still in pajamas anyway (also it would have been a round trip of an hour for me). He lost the head and said that I am really selfish and he would do it for me if he could drive (coming from the guy who wouldn't even help me find my car key on his day off when I had looked everywhere). He called me a horrible bitch and left.

Anyway I heard a taxi arrive outside the house which I'm sure he's going to bring up later because it'll have cost him an arm and a leg. The funny thing is that if he had not stood there and argued with me he may have made it to work on time without a taxi. Have i been horrible and selfish?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 21/04/2010 10:08

is this a normal morning?

yanbu

kreecherlivesupstairs · 21/04/2010 10:08

Bloody hell, of course you are not BU. What a twit you have for a partner. It sounds to me as if you have more than one child if you need to fucking elbow him to get out of bed. Cheeky sod.

mankyscotslass · 21/04/2010 10:08

YANBU.

He needs to grow up.

You are not his mother. He is responsible for getting up and getting to work.

What a twunt.

Skegness · 21/04/2010 10:10

Good grief. I do less than that to help my 11 year old sons get up. Of course you haven't been horrible and selfish- you've been a complete martyr to someone acting like a grumpy tosser. Let him get himself up in future! If he's late and has a wrinkled shirt that's his look out. He sounds like a total baby.

ShadeofViolet · 21/04/2010 10:11

Yanbu - You are his partner, not his Mum!

And why did you have to iron his shirt for him? Tell him to grow up.

Jajas · 21/04/2010 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Callisto · 21/04/2010 10:11

You had to get out of bed to iron his shirt???? Bloody hell, does he think we still live in 1950's Britain?

sunnydelight · 21/04/2010 10:12

The guy's a selfish moron, why on earth are you with him?

APassionateWoman · 21/04/2010 10:13

He sounds completely immature and absuive. What a twat.

Sassybeast · 21/04/2010 10:14

YANBU. I'd pack the rest of his shirts and leave them on the doorstep. this guy needs a serious wake up call.

mountainmonkey · 21/04/2010 10:16

You "had to" iron his shirt?!
Thats madness.

OrmRenewed · 21/04/2010 10:16

No. Not at all.

ChickensHaveSinisterMotives · 21/04/2010 10:16

Is he allergic to the iron? Or all adult responsibilities?

BallpointPen · 21/04/2010 10:17

You are not being unreasonable, horrible or unfair, HE is.

From your OP he sounds like a complete arsehole.

rubyslippers · 21/04/2010 10:17

i have seen quite a few posts on MN about men needing their partners/wives to wake them up as they are not capable of setting an alarm

it is

he sounds horrid - i am that you ironed his shirt

do you have children with him?

TBH if my H called me a horrible bitch he would come home to find his stuff on the doorstep

JaneS · 21/04/2010 10:18

Newsflash for your DP:

No one dies from unironed shirts. Really. Or even from ironing them yourself, you lazy

DuelingFanjo · 21/04/2010 10:18

"then he decided that he wanted to wear a particular shirt so I had to iron it"

At this point I would have told him to go fuck himself.

Did you iron it? Why?

tootyflooty · 21/04/2010 10:19

show him all these comments, what a waste of space, as shadeofviolet said, you are not his mother, I do less for my own kids. Don't pander to him, he sounds like a bully

dawntigga · 21/04/2010 10:19

Is this normal behaviour? If so it's just a little controlling in a passive/aggressive way.

MayHaveUnderstatedThatALittleTiggaxx

DaftApeth · 21/04/2010 10:19

I used to feel responsible for kicking dh out of bed on time and then realised what I was doing and that he was an adult and it was up to him not me.

So one night I told him, I would not be doing it anymore and if he overslept, it was his own fault. Once the alarm went off, it was up to him.

I certainly would not be getting out of bed to iron him a shirt either! Tell your dp to plan ahead the night before and decide what he wants to wear, he'll then have time to iron anything that he needs.

As others have said, he sounds rather immature.

YesYouMust · 21/04/2010 10:20

What DuelingFanjo said!

LaurieFairyCake · 21/04/2010 10:20
  1. get earplugs/sleep in a different room when you are full of cold or need a lie in - do not under any circumstances tell him to get out of bed or hint in any way that it's your responsibility to get him out of bed.
  1. don't iron his shirts.
  1. tell him you won't be running him to work in the car ever.
  1. consider leaving him as he is verbally nasty to you and you don't have to put up with that.

Yabu to be infantilising this 'adult'.

And look after yourself today tis horrible to be full of cold.

ljgibbs · 21/04/2010 10:23

Jesus, he sounds a right 'twunt' When he gets home tonight have a calm discussion with him about his attitude and that you are not responsible for getting him up of a morning, then show him how to use an iron.

Callisto · 21/04/2010 10:25

Peacelover - does your partner have any redeeming features? Because if I had been treated this way even once, by anyone, man or woman, I would no longer have anything to do with them.

I'm guessing that it is fairly normal behaviour in your relationship so I'm wondering (as I always do when I read threads like this) why you got together in the first place, why you decide to stay with him and (if you have children) what made you think he would be a suitable father and partner? I suppose really I just want to know why so very many women decide to sell themselves short? There are lots of lovely men out there and really, if we were all a little more discerning, the twats, knobs, wankers and bastards would eventually disappear. I really would rather be single for life and end up as a lonely old woman keeping cats in a garrett than be in a relationship with someone like your partner.

Goodadvice1980 · 21/04/2010 10:26

Sorry to be harsh OP, but WTF are you doing putting up this abuse and then ironing the lazy pigs shirt?!!! And whilst you are not feeling very well!

Can't drive & overslept = not your problem!

I agree with other posters, time to put those precious shirts into a bin liner and introduce them to the front doorstep.

WTF is so special about this guy that you accept this disrespectful behaviour?

You are NOT his mother. Although I cannot imagine too many mothers accepting this behaviour from a child either!

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