To actually feel this way?

[MNKeepsMeSane]

OK i know I am but i really have tried.

I am a reg who has name changed.

I have 2 children the eldest is such hard work and as much as I love my eldest I just don't like him or his behaviour. This morning I have had an hour long lecture about how i am a rubbish mother because i didn't have money to give him to buy songs drinks at school, but did give him a bottle of juice to take. In turn he walked past youngest and hit him round the head.

He then went into his room to get dressed and stood throwing a football at the wall.

this is just one thing in a long line of many and tbh i am worn out. I love him with all my heart yet I cannot like him because of the way he behaves and the evil things he says to me. I dont treat him badly, I take him out for day trips where we all have fun - as long as I don't speak to him.

The other day I took them both out with dfamily and we had a brilliant day until my nephew homed in on me for a hug - which i had tried to give ds1 already - and ds1 ended up walking over and telling me he hated me.

He also pushed my younger nephew off of a small fence so he fell backwards onto the cobble stones banging his head and grazing his back.

I am so worn out with everything. I have camhs coming out soon but i am sat here once again on the edge of tears because of it all.

My mum has also noticed the way he works now iyswim? for example if i arrange a day out he will kick off so he gets left behind then moan he doesn't go anywhere,(only ever been left behind once) when i take him out he moans that its boring and shows me up so we go home and then he moans i don't take him anywhere.

I am meant to be visiting friends this weekend and he has already told me if i take him he will show me up and if i don't he will scream when i come home.....

Last week i went out with friends and their children, he threatened me all week that if i took him he would show off and ruin the day. I ended up calling my friend and saying i wouldn't be going, when i told her why she told me i had to go and not let him dictate to me.

Yesterday DS2 had a chocolate bar left over from an easter egg,DS1 had eaten all of his, and DS1 took it and hid it, it was only the fact that DS2 was crying and asking for it back that alerted me to it and I found it hidden between a stack of books. DS1 blamed DS2 who could not have possibly reached where it had been hidden.

I cannot leave money around as he takes it and even when caught with it lies about where he got it from.

he is 11 btw and this behaviour has been going on for 7 1/2 years.

good lord, thats no good is it!
here, any child 16 or under would be put into a childrens home or foster family if they were abandoned at SS door.
between 16-18 is when you get trouble as they often turf you out into supported accomodation or into a hostle/bedsit.
thats why so many young girls in care end up pregnant 15/16 because they will get a secure home that way - not the only reason off course, but it is a major factor.

OTTMumma
Your experience is different to the OP's and many others. You were accommodated under section 20 (voluntary agreement) but they must have considered you to be at risk if you stayed at home. A care order is not necessary if the LA and the parents are in agreement about the child going into care. However the OP is not asking for her DS to go into care, and there is no reason to think that he would fare better in care than at home, in fact he would probably fare worse.
There have been several changes to the law recently which mean that 16 and 17yos should have a full CiN assessment and be placed in foster care/residential under section 20 if appropriate, rather than just treated as a homeless YP and placed in a hostel with little support. Different areas apply the law differently but in my area there are lots of 16 and 17yos being placed in foster care.
All leaving care teams should also work closely with housing depts to ensure that careleavers are supported to avoid homelessness. In my area we have a joint protocol which means careleavers are given priority banding and should never be forced to access housing through the homeless route while they are under our care (until 21). So there is no need to have babies to get a flat . Plenty of YPs I work with have children young but getting a flat is not their motivation.

HTH

yes my situation is different as is everyone elses, i was just giving my own opinion of MY EXPERIENCE, which is quite a common one i have found.

of course the ops son might be worse off in care, but he may end up better in the long term, which is what i was expressing, i would never condone chucking your DC at SS for no good reason, and it seems from the post that the OP is desperate and has few options left, one of which may turn out to be a permanent or part time foster care placement.
It is a vaild option if all other avenues have been exhausted.
I was turfed out at 17 and left to fend for myself and lost in the system because it turned out my social worker was having a breakdown ( not suprised ) and no one knew where he was or about my and other young peoples situations, 2 of the girls i knew got pregnant because they knew they would have some sort of security because of it.
Thats not a misconception i have, that was the reality of how people thought and acted.

Having worked with SS later on in life i am well aware of how different each areas operate, something that definatley needs to be addressed,- seperate issue - and if the OP wasn't aware of her options she is now, and hopefully if she chooses to go down this route - and i wouldn't blamer her, then hopefully her SS team is one of the good ones, maybe your one.