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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wish my mum would stop buying DS toys from car boots/charity shops?

100 replies

cupcakesandbunting · 19/04/2010 21:25

Without wanting to sound really ungrateful, I'm starting to get a little miffed with my mum buying DS stuff from car boots/charity shops. Not because there's anything up with shopping at these places but I think that some things you buy from them, some you don't.

For instance, today she brought him round a Roary the Racing car race track (bit like a mini Scalextric set. She bought it and thought it was good cos she got it for £2 and it was newish-looking and they're £25 in the shops. She totally doesn't get the concept that it's being sold brand-new in box for £2 for a reason Anyway, we spend ages setting it up for DS and without being mean, it's shit. The cars don't stay on the tracks, the wires to the controllers keep coming detached from the battery box etc. It takes forever to set up and DS loves it. He wants to play with it all the bloody time and I don't have 30 minutes to set it up each time he wants to play with it. It's alright her buying it then swanning off and leaving me to deal with this very impractical toy. Sorry, I know I sound like a cow

Aside from this, she takes no notice of whether there is a kitemark on the box with a lot of things or whether bits can easily come off when DS plays with it. DS has plenty of toys without having loads of junk toys piled on top. Today I snapped a bit and said "maybe we can keep this track at nanna's to play with?" and she wouldn't let me send it back with her because she didn;t want to spend ages setting it up at hers! Ha!

I know I sound ungrateful and I expect I'll get told as much but just needed to vent...

OP posts:

Curiousmama · 19/04/2010 21:28

YANBU she should really ok it with you first. Has she always been controlling? I know others will side with her but I can see your point of view.

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 19/04/2010 21:31

She might be a wee bit controlling

She never OKs this type of thing with me. She just turns up at the house with them and I'm thinking "oh noooooooooo" I just think that maybe if she thinks it's too impractical for her to keep at hers, then why does she think it won't be too impractical to keep at mine?

OP posts:

parakeet · 19/04/2010 21:33

YANBU.

My in-laws buy my children tons of cheap plastic crap for Christmas, birthdays, and basically all year round. We literally cannot fit it all in our house.

This Christmas they got them something huge, electronic, and very very noisy. They refused to let us open it at their house because they "couldn't face the noise". Thanks.

hf128219 · 19/04/2010 21:33

YABU. E.G I wouldn't say a kite mark is obligitary - certainly not in our household.

GrimmaTheNome · 19/04/2010 21:37

Of course the CE mark is obligatory. Certainly for children under 3.

When I started reading, I was thinking, well obviously you ought to suggest it stays at grannys house...perhaps if you visit there you should just bring something over every time and 'forget' it?

Booboobedoo · 19/04/2010 21:38

YANB totally U.

I can sympathise as my MIL turns up with literally binbags of crap every time she comes.

I think she believes that she won't be allowed in without it.

Nothing to do with wanting to buy DS stuff - she did it before we had children.

And nothing we say will stop her.

So I sympathise.

Curiousmama · 19/04/2010 21:39

Yes definitely leave it at hers

Booboobedoo · 19/04/2010 21:39

Literally was supposed to be underlined btw.

Three binbags last time.

Sigh.

seeker · 19/04/2010 21:41

Right. So now it's controlling to buy children presents. Give me strength!!

Doodleydoo · 19/04/2010 21:45

Ooh, so tricky - can't you say one in one out? Can get to the point where they have too much to play with and so play with nothing so you could use this as a reason. Or perhaps ask her to look for something completely obscure next time she is out shopping for crap. With a mission she might get waylaid and not remember to buy anything!

But that being said it doesn't work for my mum and although I know she is being well meaning the blamange pink hand made jumper with white rabbits on wasn't so much to my taste.................... But came in useful in the snow!

hf128219 · 19/04/2010 21:46

Grimma - of course there doesn't have to be a kite mark. There can be parental supervision.

There are potential hazards everywhere you look.

StrictlyKatty · 19/04/2010 21:47

MIL does this... toys with half the parts missing that she got from friends of hers

I don't mind that much tbh and she always wants to keep all the crap she gets at her house anyway

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 19/04/2010 21:47

No, Seeker.

It's controlling to buy children presents that are time/energy consuming without the parents' say-so and then to refuse to let the child keep it at theirs because too time/energy consuming, knowing that the child will adore said present and will want mummy to set it up every day

OP posts:

Valpollicella · 19/04/2010 21:47

Maybe just say that you're trying to cut back on stuff other than at Xmas or birthdays? Or ask her to keep hold of things until those times?

I don't think it's controlling btw...just a doting GP, who probably loves a bargain and wants to buy her GC stuff (even if it is rubbish)

Vallhala · 19/04/2010 21:47

Oh God, YANBU. My parents bring all manner of plastic tat each time they visit. Recently this included a big set of storage drawers on wheels which was already taped up at various places to prevent the drawers from falling apart.

What they fail to accept is that DD2 is a hoarder who reacts particularly badly to having anything taken from her, no matter what it's state. Then there's the problem of actually disposing of the bloody thing. My parents are highly offended when they spot some of this tatt these treasures in the rubbish, but when they are broken and taking up half DD2's bedroom wtf am I supposed to do?!

Concordia · 19/04/2010 21:52

my MIL regularly buys bits and pieces with wheels falling off or very small pieces, very easily breakable toys, cars that snap in your hand etc. she goes for price and quantity over usefulness. I just throw them out as soon as they start to become a danger, esp as DD is only 19 months and eats everything (she generally buys that kind of thing for DS who is nearly 4). I don't think she minds as she just wants to keep buying him stuff and see him playing with things for half an hour.
the stuff she buys is generally new but very poor quality. it is amazing what can be sold for children nowadays, esp if you ignore the 0-3 rule (which i doubt she has heard of).

Concordia · 19/04/2010 21:53

it is such a waste of money though, in our case, i just wish she'd sometimes put it towards something the children really need, esp as we are short of the stuff.

MartinlovesDebi · 19/04/2010 21:53

Well, the kitemark stuff and all of that, I don't really think that matter and at least it's recycling, and the toy sounds like your son likes it, and you don't, which really is what gp are for. So I think YABU

BUT I do feel your pain. My dc gp are always buying enormous plastic toys. And LOTS. And I'd rather them have less. But it's not all about me

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 19/04/2010 21:59

Valpolicella, last December my mum came to my house with a huge box of toy trucks for DS. We told her that we weren't going to give DS gifts in December because of xmas coming up and she did the "hurt face" and told us we were being unfair on DS. She doesn't get that I don't want to spoil him and that I don't want a house full of Made In Taiwan crap, heh heh!

OP posts:

Valpollicella · 19/04/2010 22:05

No idea what to suggest then lol

Original poster

cupcakesandbunting · 19/04/2010 22:06

I'd like to ban my mum from going to car boots, tbh

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 19/04/2010 22:17

I would make sure that she just keeps it all at her house, for when he goes there.

Pronoia · 19/04/2010 22:23

Before you approach this, try to imagine how you would feel if you went to visit a small cild you love, and decided to take a gift you think he would really like, to be told when you arrive that the child is not going to be allowed to have it, and actually, the parents would rather you stopped giving the child anything you think he might like and started contributing to his university fund instead.

Cos I think that might really hurt your feelings.

tethersend · 19/04/2010 22:24

Can you see if she can find a dog on wheels?

I am after one for my DD.

Cheers

Valpollicella · 19/04/2010 22:26

Oh the one with the red wheels Tethers?

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