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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish my mum would stop buying DS toys from car boots/charity shops?

100 replies

cupcakesandbunting · 19/04/2010 21:25

Without wanting to sound really ungrateful, I'm starting to get a little miffed with my mum buying DS stuff from car boots/charity shops. Not because there's anything up with shopping at these places but I think that some things you buy from them, some you don't.

For instance, today she brought him round a Roary the Racing car race track (bit like a mini Scalextric set. She bought it and thought it was good cos she got it for £2 and it was newish-looking and they're £25 in the shops. She totally doesn't get the concept that it's being sold brand-new in box for £2 for a reason Anyway, we spend ages setting it up for DS and without being mean, it's shit. The cars don't stay on the tracks, the wires to the controllers keep coming detached from the battery box etc. It takes forever to set up and DS loves it. He wants to play with it all the bloody time and I don't have 30 minutes to set it up each time he wants to play with it. It's alright her buying it then swanning off and leaving me to deal with this very impractical toy. Sorry, I know I sound like a cow

Aside from this, she takes no notice of whether there is a kitemark on the box with a lot of things or whether bits can easily come off when DS plays with it. DS has plenty of toys without having loads of junk toys piled on top. Today I snapped a bit and said "maybe we can keep this track at nanna's to play with?" and she wouldn't let me send it back with her because she didn;t want to spend ages setting it up at hers! Ha!

I know I sound ungrateful and I expect I'll get told as much but just needed to vent...

OP posts:
Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 20/04/2010 07:34

Tethersend, my mum has one of those soft dogs on wheels for DS! God knows where she got it, either a charity shop or bring and buy sale.

I am lucky my mum is amazing at finding second hand toys for DS and he has a better collection at hers than he does at home, however the toys she buys him stays at her house.

I think the OP is being U about the MIL buying the kids stuff but not U about wanting her to at least keep the toys at MIL house.

Tryharder · 20/04/2010 07:40

I think YABU. Shock, horror, Grandma buys toys for DGC and it's "controlling". If your DS loves the toys and gets pleasure out of them and presumably your mum loves to buy them for him - I don't see the problem. I know some toys are a hassle to set up and noisy- we have a Thomas the tank engine track thingy that I would cheerfully burn but it's not my toy. Am I being a bit mean to suggest that you wouldn't mind if the toys were new???

Let your DS play with them and when he's fed up with them, freecycle them or pass to charity. Problem solved. As for "some things you buy from charity/carboots, some things you don't". IMHO, toys are the ideal purchase from car boots/charity shops. Why spend £stupid on the latest new plastic tat from Argos etc that the DC will play with twice when you can get the same items second hand for peanuts?

mangoandlime · 20/04/2010 07:43

From the op's pov it's a PITA but for her DC's it's heaven. Some of my best childhood memories are linked to bits of bright tat my nan used to buy from Tooting Market. Go with it, it won't be forever!

mangoandlime · 20/04/2010 07:47

Notably a radio shaped like a panda and a doll that shouted 'here comes my bodeee' in a very American accent when you pulled her head away from her body on a string. I would pay good money to have one now.

I'm getting all nostaligic

SeaTrek · 20/04/2010 07:49

YANBU
Especially now that she recognises that she doesn't want to spend the time setting it up.
When my DS got to about 3 I realised that I didn't need to keep/store all the toys he had. I now sort through them very regularly, aand I will even get rid of brand new ones after Christmas (especially things that take ME ages to set up and put me in a foul mood!). Life is just to short to have material objects piss you off!

mangoandlime · 20/04/2010 07:54

You could just get a big board and stick the track to it and slide it under a bed for storage, no setting up woes then. I once spent an hour and a half setting up a Thomas track so I do know what you mean, op.

Bucharest · 20/04/2010 07:56

YABU.
Perhaps you could send them to my daughter whose (paternal) grandmother hasn't bought her so much as a tuppenny chew since she was born almost 7 years ago and I could pretend on her behalf that her grandmother gives a shit?

Of course children get given crap. It's really quite easy. You disappear it while they're asleep.

Tryharder · 20/04/2010 07:57

My DCs best toys are all second hand/freebies. We went on holiday recently and they played all week with the plastic wind up dinosaurs we got at the airport free with our Burger King meal. It kept them amused on the plane both ways as well and they didn't even want to watch the DVD in the portable player that I'd bought specially....

Tryharder · 20/04/2010 07:59

Is admitting to feeding your DC Burger King meals a MN faux pas?

chandellina · 20/04/2010 08:02

another reason to love my MIL because she doesn't turn up with crap and respects our rule on no electronic toys. Our nanny, however, turned up with a giant Pooh on wheels (that talks if you wiggle the ears) from a church sale.

sarah293 · 20/04/2010 08:23

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DorotheaPlenticlew · 20/04/2010 08:39

YANBU at all. Giving people possessions they do not want, or cannot manage to live with easily, is not necessarily a kindness.

We have limited space and were for some time in receipt of regular deliveries of unwanted goods/toys/furniture/clothing for DS during his first year or so. Recently as DD's arrival draws near we have been focusing a lot on de-cluttering, and talked a lot about it, so I'm hoping it won't happen again as we really don't have the space to keep hold of lots of well-meant but unwanted junk.

To be fair, PIL have been a lot better recently about keeping their charity-shop or discount "treasures" at their house. I do worry a little about some of it being unsafe/age-inappropriate though.

Only thing I wish they would pass on to our house are the second-hand, unwashed soft toys with a charity-shop smell [ugh]. If we had custody of these I could at least wash them, but if they "live" at PIL's place they don't get washed at all. DS no longer chews toys but of course DD will get to that stage too ...

There, I'm "out" as an ungrateful cow

glastocat · 20/04/2010 09:01

YABU. My kid just loves going to the boost sale with granny, and has often brought home some great toys for next to nothing. However my mum has a handy shed where all the real tat can be left behind, these are designated as granny's toys and only select items make it back to our house. That's the idea anyway.

expatinscotland · 20/04/2010 09:05

'mother says 'you better not get rid of it'
ffs.'

It's a good thing she's your mum and not mine then.

MIL has Pat Butcher taste in just about everything.

I smile sweetly, shove it in the hall cupboard after the children go to bed, and then get rid of most of it.

She tried to give us large cuddlies like this, which I find the height of tacky AND, at the time, we were four of us living in a second floor, pokey two bed flat with no outdoor space.

Think she got the hint when she never saw any of those massive cuddlies again.

Our neutered Persian cat kept trying to shag those monstrously large soft toys, anyhow.

APassionateWoman · 20/04/2010 09:08

YAB a bit U, sorry.

If it's a safety issue, discuss that with her. But grannies buy presents for their grandchildren. That's what they do. Would it kill you to keep schtum and smile sweetly? You can always unload really naff stuff on a charity shop or friend.

sarah293 · 20/04/2010 09:20

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Downdog · 20/04/2010 09:35

my Mum is the same - but she lives far far away!

If she doesn't respond to all the "not enough room for all these treasures in our house" or the "fantastic thanks - let's keep it at yours" and it's really a pain, just bin it or recycle it and tell her it was broken. It cost £2 - part of that equation is you don't have to treasure it preciously & can chuck it.

I don't think she's being controlling - just a typical GM with an eye for a bargain and her grandchild always on her mind.

My Mum is totally OCD about stuff - she's just told me that it's a disorder & I believe her. She recently had to move - she has 2 bedroom unit & a large garage attached to house. The garage is full of boxes & boxes & boxes of STUFF - life luggage! And she picks up a bargain for DD at every opportunity - even though we live on other side of the world! Bless her.

Kneazle · 20/04/2010 10:00

Tether we had a dog on wheels that my mother got for us at the city dump. It smelled like a real dog that had died and someone had stuck wheels on. It was back at the dump by the next day

YANBU we have loads of stuff that is not needed or wanted that comes to us in this way. I also don't mean to be ungreatful but we live in the tiniest house possible and have no room for bin bags full of overdied tie die second hand clothing [see woo thread] that my kids would rather die than wear. It goes straight back out of the house the day after it arrives.

We have also been given a wonderful selection of puzzles with one piece missing. A game of mouse trap with missing bits and various frizzy haired Barbies with only one arm missing. We also had a Ken doll that some kid had drawn a penis on with permanant marker

My kids always do the present face when they get these things they are well trained and very polite present face

expatinscotland · 20/04/2010 10:12

My mother's the worst of all martyrs, the Catholic kind. But I'm hard-hearted.

She learned long ago she can't order or guilt me into anything even if she's standing right next to me.

Hence, she never gives the kids tatt because she knows I throw stuff like that out even if Jesus had given it them.

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 20/04/2010 10:23

I do sympathise because I know how I felt when MIL bought DD2 a very grubby-looking cuddly pig from a charity shop when in town with her one day.
DD2 was small at the time and it was all over her face, around her mouth etc. At least with plastic tat you can give them a clean.
Made me cringe a bit.

Original poster
cupcakesandbunting · 20/04/2010 10:28

A lot of MNers have made posts speculating that I have a problem with second-hand stuff... I don't! Like I said, I think some second-hand stuff is good, some bad. A toy that has the potential to electrocute DS (a fucking Operation! game that she bought once with all the wires gnawed and hanging out) falls into the "some bad" category.

I'd like it if she bought him "safe" stuff from car boots like Lego/jigsaws/books etc but why all of the electronic bullcrap?

And to the MNers who told me to just chuck it out, first thing DS asked when he woke up this morning was "where Roary tack? Want Roary track" so that's half an hour I've got to spend setting up the track of satan instead of doing housework

OP posts:
RooBear · 20/04/2010 10:41

OMG Mangoandlime I still have that doll with the string, 'oops I lost my head for a moment' brillant

expatinscotland · 20/04/2010 10:43

Well, when he says, 'Where rorytrack?' you just tell him 'Rorytrack all gone.'

It's your house, you make the rules, not him.

phoenixflower · 20/04/2010 10:43

cupcakesandbunting - totally sympathise. And I agree, it is hard to throw things out when the chn are asking for them etc. Could you maybe throw some out that he isn't playing with at the moment? Or just bin them anyway and tell him they're lost/broken etc. He'll have forgotten by the end of the day.

Not sure if you mentioned his age, but could you maybe tell him that there are some chn without toys and maybe he could give some of his away etc?

If not, I like the idea of taking them to your mum's when you visit and leaving them there.

lynnexxxo · 20/04/2010 10:54

cupcake,

My son has the roary track too. It is a pile of shit and falls apart all the time and you have to supervise them as its just basic crap.

I left it in the living room for a couple of days and he quickly lost interest in it (as I stopped fixing it back up for him).