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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Wanna Smash In The Head Of Sisters BF

106 replies

CheekyVimtoGal · 17/04/2010 11:34

Grrrrr i am soooooo mad.

My sister found out on tuesday that her boyfriend of 5 years has been cheating on her for 7 months with someone he works with.

They have a 13 week old son

She gave him an ultimatum 'Me & DS or HER'

He said he loved my sister and wanted to be with her, as soon as he got to work, he rang her to say he loves this other girl and wants to be with her.

He has left her.

I messaged the girl on FB who he is seeing telling her i think she is disgusting after what she has done, she was warned to back off a few months ago when she first came on the scene, my sister sent her an email telling her to stay away and find her own bloke.

I messaged her this morning, So she must have texted sisters BF telling her she has recieved a message from me on FB (he is at their house sorting through mail and other things)

My sister then ring me up BOLLOCKING me for messaging her.

FFS what did he expect or she expect? A congratulatory text wishing them the best on their new relationship! Grrr i am so mad

My sister has told me to leave her alone. I am so upset.

I wanna smash his head in and hers for what they have done!!

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 17/04/2010 11:37

Oh grow up ffs

Ivykaty44 · 17/04/2010 11:38

keep your nose out - I would be mad at you aswell for poking your nose in

Support your sister in other ways but not by sending messages to thers when perhaps you don't know whats happening

Original poster
CheekyVimtoGal · 17/04/2010 11:41

I do know what happening. He has left her for someone else who he works with, my sister messaged her yesterday and all she got back was 'shut the fuck up its got nowt to do with you' Its got everything to do with my sister as this cow has stolen her BF.

OP posts:
tootyflooty · 17/04/2010 11:41

you are only sticking up for your sister, the problem is , she may have hopes of salvaging the relationship, ( it is very early days of the split and it could still go either way) if you get to heavily involved it makes it difficult for her to mend bridges with her bf, and although you are right to be angry with the other woman, it is her bf who has actually done the cheating.

Be there for your sister but keep a dignified silence for now

Original poster
CheekyVimtoGal · 17/04/2010 11:42

So as sisters the above posters wouldn't stand up for their sister if they were going through this?

OP posts:
mountainmonkey · 17/04/2010 11:43

NU to feel this way but you should have the sense not to interfere. Concentrate on supporting your sister in more positive/constructive ways.

Original poster
CheekyVimtoGal · 17/04/2010 11:44

Shes told me to leave her alone

OP posts:
DramaInPyjamas · 17/04/2010 11:48

It's your sisters problem, not yours. Let her deal with it herself. If she wants/needs your help she will ask.

kormachameleon · 17/04/2010 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedRedWine1980 · 17/04/2010 11:49

Standing up for your sister doesnt involve getting in touch with someone to tell you what you think of them. Am I right in thinking it could have been viewed as abusive this message? If so YOU could end up in trouble yourself- I can understand you being furious but at the end of the day your sisters boyfriend is the cheat not the other woman, take it up with him.

Kewcumber · 17/04/2010 11:49

"My sister has told me to leave her alone. I am so upset." You are not as upset as your sister is and you must respect her wishes. You messaging OW just stirs the situation up which it seems is not what your sister wants.

Its not about how you feel ( however angry) its about your sister, so support her in the way she wants to be supported.

Original poster
CheekyVimtoGal · 17/04/2010 11:52

Thing is this girl stalked her BF and my sister warned her off. She still didnt take the hint and was contacting him daily. I am mad at him for going through with it.

OP posts:
Pennies · 17/04/2010 11:53

Grow up. Get off bloody Facebook. Stay off bloody Facebook. Get a life.

Go round to your sister and support her properly, which is not by interfering and being arsey with the other people involved.

Your sister has done the right thing telling you to keep out of it. Respect her opinion.

It's none of your business.

Pennies · 17/04/2010 11:55

Horrible title BTW too as well.

You sound charming and you have p'd me off so I'm outta here.

rubyslippers · 17/04/2010 11:57

what Pennies said TBH

RedRedWine1980 · 17/04/2010 12:10

How old are you all btw Cheeky?

It all seems very Jeremy Kyle esque tbh, its making everyone in the situation sound totally undignified and slightly chavvy tbh

Maleeka · 17/04/2010 12:13

No one can be "stolen" if they dont want to be. You have rushed right in like a bull in a china shop, with good intentions, but making the situation so much worse.

I'd give your sister some space to take all of this in, and be there for her when she needs you.

This facebook stuff is what my kids would do.

Rindercella · 17/04/2010 12:20

You've had some good advice on this thread Cheeky...I suggest you take heed and cease all contact with the OW and your sister's BF. May be an idea to stay off FB for a while too, just so you're not tempted.

If she asks for your help, then do everything you can to support your sister - whether that's practical (give her a couple of hours off from her baby), or emotional. Do not, whatever you do, slag off her BF. They may well get back together again and she will not feel that she can come to you again if he's being an arse.

Agree, horrible thread title.

Ivykaty44 · 17/04/2010 12:27

I would support my sister in standing up for herself - never would I undermine my sister or case trouble where it wasn't wanted.

your sister has become mad with you due to your behaviour which she didn't like - that isn't supporting your sister doing things that upset her, that is why she isn't thanking you right now....

Send her a text ad say sorry and ask her what can I actually do to help apart from stay away from your boy friend and the girl.

DuelingFanjo · 17/04/2010 12:27

keep out of it, seriously. Threatening people on facebook is not a good thing to do, not least because they now have it as written evidence.

Gay40 · 17/04/2010 12:29

Mind your own bloody business in future

crumpette · 17/04/2010 12:32

Horrible thread title

It's clear you are very angry and want to help your sister, but contacting the OW will only have the opposite effect, don't contact her again. Support your sister in any way that she wants, but do not contact the OW or the BF. This will drive him away from your sister and their DS, so stay out of it.

Also- the OW did not steal your sister's BF, he chose to be with her, for whatever reason.

crumpette · 17/04/2010 12:35

And yes there are serious legal implications of making threats (if you did?) especially via written media and facebook.

whifflegarden · 17/04/2010 12:39

Cheeky, I appreciate your anger but don't think you've handled this well. If I were you, I'd call sister and apologise for contacting OW, explain it's because you love her and therefore feeling awful about what's happened.....and offer support both emotional and practical.
I'm sure she'd appreciate it with a tiny baby and has probably asked to be left alone because she doesn't trust you not to interfere inapproprately. Call her, she needs you to support her, not fight her battles for her.

Meglet · 17/04/2010 12:49

I wouldn't be acting like a teenager and threatening people on fb FGS.

By all means go and see your sister with a peace offering and pracitcal support. But don't contact her bf or the ow.