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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Wanna Smash In The Head Of Sisters BF

106 replies

CheekyVimtoGal · 17/04/2010 11:34

Grrrrr i am soooooo mad.

My sister found out on tuesday that her boyfriend of 5 years has been cheating on her for 7 months with someone he works with.

They have a 13 week old son

She gave him an ultimatum 'Me & DS or HER'

He said he loved my sister and wanted to be with her, as soon as he got to work, he rang her to say he loves this other girl and wants to be with her.

He has left her.

I messaged the girl on FB who he is seeing telling her i think she is disgusting after what she has done, she was warned to back off a few months ago when she first came on the scene, my sister sent her an email telling her to stay away and find her own bloke.

I messaged her this morning, So she must have texted sisters BF telling her she has recieved a message from me on FB (he is at their house sorting through mail and other things)

My sister then ring me up BOLLOCKING me for messaging her.

FFS what did he expect or she expect? A congratulatory text wishing them the best on their new relationship! Grrr i am so mad

My sister has told me to leave her alone. I am so upset.

I wanna smash his head in and hers for what they have done!!

OP posts:

azazello · 17/04/2010 18:03

I've been in this situation. My SIL had an affair when my niece was 6 months & left DB to go and live with her bloke. I was (obviously) furious but said nothing to SIL at all, and just said to DB that I would do whatever he wanted in terms of seseing her.

They got back together within 6 months and have 2 more dcs. DB reckons you need everyone to back off and contain their natural fury and self-righteousness otherwise it is a hell of a lot worse all round if they are so angry and wound up they can't either repair the relationship or sort out splitting up and access like grown ups.

YANBU to want to attack your sister's bf. You would be VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU to do anything. Back off and let your sister sort it out.

Snobear4000 · 17/04/2010 22:18

Mind your own business. What is this, Eastenders?

Surprise · 17/04/2010 22:24

Haven't read all the replies, but I think it's none of your business. It's very easy to blame the other woman, but basically it's your sister's husband who's at fault here. It's all his fault, no one "takes someone away" who doesn't want to go. Sounds like your sister will be well-rid of him, but keep your opinions about it to yourself, or share them with your sister if she's in need of some theraputic slagging off of said woman.

CwtchyMama · 18/04/2010 07:51

TiredMumNo1 this happened to someone i know, he decided he didnt want to know his kid for years, he got his though, the bit on the side started beating him lol, that'll teach him cos now he has no one.

TiredMumNo1 did you also read the part that he was warned and knew about her, but he wanted a trophy on his arm and to get his d**k wet.

Yuck what a horrible way with words you have.

MamaGlee · 18/04/2010 07:59

I think op has got a bit of a batteringn her

she was obviously upset

Back off guys, yes facebook is teh devil and NNOT the place for this sort of thing, but OP is obviously upset for her sister (who is a new mum) and while i wouldn't do what OP has done, I can see why she did.

Chin up CVG - you DO need to keep off FB in tihs and just support your sister in RL, being practical, helping with baby, house, box of tissues or whatever and let her lead you as to what she wants you to do.

don't ocntact OW or DSis ex.

DOWN, vipers, down.

Tiredmumno1 · 18/04/2010 12:19

Oh well, if you didnt like what i wrote, erm dont read it.

and i dont like the fact he decided to go and act like a kid himself, and not bother with his own child. but i suppose that is ok in some of your eyes.

why can men behave this way and get away with it, if you was a woman and acted like that, i bet the responses would be different.

RedRedWine1980 · 18/04/2010 12:55

Grow up tiredmum. As I said earlier (and you ignored) would it be okay for one of your female friends/relatives to suffer a beating at the hands of their partner for whatever has gone on in the past? I expect you'd be one of the first people to moan how awful it was if it happened to someone you know.

Tiredmumno1 · 18/04/2010 13:14

redredwine - yeah i would be the first to complain . do you know me erm no. what a twunt you are. shouldnt the priority be for the child. and just to let you know he is not with her anymore, he is back to his old tricks again. and has not seen his child for 5 or 6, what a great dad. and btw i will say what i like and how i like, freedom of speech and all that, if you dont like reading it, then why the hell do you keep answering it then????

MmeLindt · 18/04/2010 13:22

Gosh, this is like watching Jeremy Kyle.

"getting his end away"

"getting his d*ck wet"

Fascinating and horrifying simultaneously.

whifflegarden · 18/04/2010 13:25

(muffin tops showing over white jeans)
Fascinating

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 18/04/2010 21:35

The girl has not stolen your sister's boyfriend.

She did not slip him into her pocket and walk out with him.

Your sister's boyfriend chose to have an affair. Chose to leave your sister. Chose to be with the other woman and not your sister.

Be angry with him, not the other woman. He had a choice. He made it. He is not the innocent victim of a femme fatale.

And your sister has told you to stop. So stop. Support your sister by being there for her. By listening to her. By doing what she wants or she needs.

Because this isn't about you. It's not about the drama and making it about you, or putting yourself in the middle of it.

So step back. Stop behaving like a child and support your sister in a dignified way.

RedRedWine1980 · 18/04/2010 21:40

LOL @ twunt. Mature response there really im bowled over

RedRedWine1980 · 18/04/2010 21:41

I couldnt give a monkeys GONAD whether this guy saw his kids once/ran off with nelly the elephant or whatever really- you are justifying someone getting beaten by their partner and it is sickening.

porcamiseria · 19/04/2010 10:11

Id feel the same as you OP, its natural to have the tigress instinct about your loved ones

But as much as you want to you CANT go and batter this girl!

stay cool, as you have to respect what your sister wants here, she will come around but you have maybe made a bad situation worst!

cool down, back off, and apologise to your Sis as she needs you right now

Tiredmumno1 · 19/04/2010 10:25

Are you still banging on about that redred. now who is the immature childish one, stop chasing an argument, get off your pedastal and grow up.

AnyFucker · 19/04/2010 12:17

I think you should report this thread here

You might get more people on your side

YesYouMust · 19/04/2010 12:25

'Oh well, if you didnt like what i wrote, erm dont read it. '

Quote of the week.

Tiredmumno1 · 19/04/2010 12:32

Maybe it should be quote of the week. seriously i dont understand why people get so worked up all the time and try to chase arguments. like the site says everyone has an opinion we dont always have to agree on everything

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 19/04/2010 19:32

I think the point is that how do you know whether you like what's been written or not until, erm, you've read it.

CwtchyMama · 19/04/2010 19:54

TiredMumNo1 - have you considered a job writing Mills & Boon stories? They would be so romantic

baluchi · 19/04/2010 20:02

Dear CheekyVimtoGal

I find it scary that someone so juvenile such as yourself could possibly have the responsibility of two children.

As others have said, grow up ffs.

Regards

baluchi

ps. I look forward to seeing you on the Jeremy Vile show.

pps. Do you possess a pink mobile phone?

Tiredmumno1 · 19/04/2010 20:02

Cwtchymama didnt really need career but thanks i may just do that. could be a top seller

CwtchyMama · 19/04/2010 20:04

Oh i would def buy it,would you sign it for me?

scottishmummy · 19/04/2010 20:13

you're angry and want to mash their heid in

understandable emotional knee jerk response but intellect kicks in and you have to leave all concerned to sort it out

your sister probably feels hurt,embarrassed and mortified and maybe wants to find closure her own way

he is reprehensible to be a dirty shagger when he has a new baby and partner who really needs him,and the girl is really low too

do support your sis, plenty crying,wine,talking and listening.hope she and baby are ok

Tiredmumno1 · 19/04/2010 21:07

Cwtchymama signed, seeled and delivered

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