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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to pick up DH's shirts off the floor

63 replies

RubyBuckleberry · 16/04/2010 11:40

I have said I will wash them if they are in the washing bin. He didn't have any clean shirts for work this morning because I hadn't washed any - they were all screwed up next to his side of the bed .

AIBU or should I just go and get them and bloody wash them?

(Can't help feeling a little petty in refusing , but it annoys me that he can't just put them in the bloody basket!)

OP posts:
VinegarTitsOnaDiet · 16/04/2010 11:43

YANBU

Make he thinks they can walk there themsleves? or the dirty washing fairy comes during the night

VinegarTitsOnaDiet · 16/04/2010 11:44

make maybe

brightwell · 16/04/2010 11:48

My ex had the same problem....seemed to think I was his skivvy. I used to put his dirty underwear back in the drawer, shirts back in the wardrobe. He never noticed.

Original poster
RubyBuckleberry · 16/04/2010 11:49

lol brightwell

OP posts:
HesterPrynne · 16/04/2010 11:51

No NU at all.

I let my feelings of pettiness get in the way for years. Now just weeks after determinedly overcoming it, and weathering the morning strops, everything gets put in the basket. Result!

Stick with it. Don't let your better feelings get the better of you

Tiredmumno1 · 16/04/2010 11:53

I would tell him the washing machine is up the spout so he will have to wash them by hand. then stand watching, whilst having a bit of a

Original poster
RubyBuckleberry · 16/04/2010 12:07

haha nice

OP posts:
ThisIsSpatchcocked · 16/04/2010 12:18

FGS! Do people really get this petty?

In the mornings I get up out of bed, make bed, straighten the room,open the windows and walk to hamper in the bathroom. Do the same in the kids rooms. Takes all of five seconds and then the upstairs of the house is done and ready for the day. If straightening the room includes picking up my clothes, socks etc and the boys clothes socks etc and the occasional shirt of DH's then so be it. It takes FIVE SECONDS to pick it up..is that really worth all the aggro and annoyance people are putting into the issue by not picking it up and not washing it and then him not having a clean shirt for work? Yes, the kids are told to put the stuff in the hamper, and 99% of the time they do, and yes DH is CAPABLE of doing it, but his stuff is right next to mine so it is hardly any trouble to pick it up all at once (as opposed to the boys stuff which is in their room and gasp! requires extra bending down when I am heavily pregnant!!)

Get over it and wash the shirts!

HesterPrynne · 16/04/2010 12:22

But, surely it would take him that same five seconds Spatchcocked. Why is his five seconds more valuable than yours?

VinegarTits · 16/04/2010 12:24

You seem rather angry about it spatchcocked

maybe it is pent up frustration about having to pick up everyones dirty clothes

Defluff · 16/04/2010 12:26

Vinny

Psammead · 16/04/2010 12:26

Yes, it takes 5 seconds to do it - so it would take him 5 seconds also. It's not the amount of time, it's the principle that's the issue here.

I am a SAHM and housewife, but I still expect DH to tidy up after himself. He is a grown man, not a toddler. Being able to basically clean up your own mess (shirts on floor, books taken out of bookshelf, cups and plates left on desks etc) does not fall under the domain of housework. It's just something that differentiates people from pigs!

I wouldn't expect DH to do his washing, do the washing up, cook, clean etc - that's my job - but I certainly wouldn't be happy for him to throw things on the floor, secure in the knowledge that I would pick up after him.

So, yeah, YANBU.

Shodan · 16/04/2010 12:26

It's not a matter of time, Spatchcocked, it's a matter of courtesy. The OP is a wife and mother, not a skivvy.

ThisIsSpatchcocked · 16/04/2010 12:27

We both undress..clothes on floor...next morning arrives and I pick up clothes and carry them to the hamper...I am already going that way, Is an extra shirt going to weigh down my arms so much that I end up with gorilla knuckles dragging along the ground in a few years?

Why create issues where there shouldnt be?? His 5 seconds isnt any more important than mine, but it is the same as if you are making a coffee/tea, you offer the other person one, it requires no major extra effort, it is just a part of making small gestures that yes, you COULD make an issue of, but really, why bother? Small things and all that. Save the aggro for the important stuff. Washing left on the floor is not a big issue, IMHO.

Different folks, different strokes.

Shodan · 16/04/2010 12:27

Oh and no, Ruby. YANBU.

ThisIsSpatchcocked · 16/04/2010 12:31

Vinny. Touche!! Maybe thats it TBH I dont see myself as a SAHM and wife as a skivvy. I do almost all of the housework, but I also know that if I am poorly DH will step up and look after me and the kids and the house and anything else I want/need etc.

I guess I am just lucky though!

I just think that you get out what you put in. I make small allowances and so does he...like getting my drinks and snacks for me if I am knackered and crashed out on the couch after and exhausting day with the dc's.

Like I said, different folks.

CaurnieBred · 16/04/2010 12:32

You are def not being unreasonable. If you were both to put your things in the same pile on the floor, then that would be fine. But to have his own pile and then expect you to tidy up after him as just rude and demeaning to you. I think it shows a distinct lack of respect for you. Grit your teeth; deal with his sulks. He is being an arse.

strawberrycake · 16/04/2010 12:37

I've started to refuse to wash things on the floor as I find that mess breeds! He starts off with clothes on the floor, then the next step is clean and dirty mixed, then I need to start emptying pockets before I can wash, then there's other things mixed into the pile that need sorting, then he starts leaving EVERYTHING he has used lying around from toothpaste caps off to a general trail around the house whereever he's been. Nip it in the bud! Small allowances (with the vast majority of men) can quickly turn into looking after an extra child.

Psammead · 16/04/2010 12:40

ThisIsSpatchcocked This issue that I have with this is that is isn't a one off thing - it's every day.

My DH will run around for me when he sees I am tired, and I will do the same for him and we both appreciate it because it is a nice gesture when we need it. It's the fact that the OP's DH takes it for granted that she will pick up his laundry which makes it a different issue to just doing someone a nice favour.

Like you said, different folks...

notquitenormal · 16/04/2010 12:42

Clothes left on the floor go in the bin, never mind the wash. It only had to happen three times for him to realise that I am not his char lady.

mamsnet · 16/04/2010 12:54

God, I don't even let my DCs (almost 4 and almost 2) leave their clothes on the floor.. the very bare minimum is on the chair. But they take them to the basket in the bathroom every night. If a baby can do it..

I really think being expected to pick anybody's clothes off the floor is demeaning of your time and your job.

wizbitwaffle · 16/04/2010 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Dillie · 16/04/2010 13:12

YANBU

I work with a DD of nearly 5yrs. And she is far tidier than me & dh put together!

My DH leaves clothes on the floor, used dishes & mugs lying around, empty bottles, cans, magazines, papers. I get tired of nagging him, so I go around cleaning up after him.

I am not the tidest person by any stretch of the imagination, but one thing that riles me more than the usual mess, is clothes on the floor. I have no idea why!

Dirty clothes in the laundry bin, period. From the outset I have asked (not nagged) my dd to put her clothes in, and she does without question now. An absolute god send bless her!

The only slight worry I have, is that as she sees me clearing after DH, then will she think that this is the way it should be? My Dad always helped mum, and he worked all hours god sent for me and my sister. Perhaps thats why it get to me so much lol!

There are bigger things to worry about true. But why make life even more difficult and get him to put the god damn clothes in the bin!

MrsC2010 · 16/04/2010 13:18

We have the same 'routine' every night...I hold the laundry bin open and he tries a new, extravagant way of removing underwear and socks and lobbing them across the room... Sometimes he misses, I then pick them up. He is pretty good, but whenever I am putting a wash on I will wander round his side of the room and sniff shirts etc to see if they need a wash.

bobbiewickham · 16/04/2010 13:21

I used to feel like this.

So I stopped washing dh's clothes altogether.

Don't feel angry any more.

Result.