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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have a will, as im an unmarried mother

26 replies

happygolovely · 16/04/2010 09:17

Dp and I do not have a will,I have been thinking we should get one ,I never realised if you die your partner does not get automatic rights to the children, its the mothers parents.Please correct me if I am wrong,also can you do your own will? and would that be legal.

OP posts:
DrivenToDistraction · 16/04/2010 09:22

No idea why you've put this in in AIBU

So:

YABU to have put this here instead of in Legal Matters. Go and post there.

YABU in answer to the title of your post.

YANBU to make a will / have a will made.

LLJ4 · 16/04/2010 09:23

You can do your own will - you can get a kit from WHSmiths and similar shops - but it must be properly witnessed otherwise it is not valid. For example, beneficiaries can't be witnesses.

A lot of solicitors do cheap wills which will be totally watertight (round here it would be around £100 for you and your partner to get "mirror" wills). They will suggest things you might not have thought about and make sure everything is covered.

Check out DirectGov on this for a clearer idea of what will happen automatically: www.direct.gov.uk/en/moneytaxandbenefits/managingmoney/planningyourpersonalfinances/dg_100136 42

Most importantly, if you die without a will ("intestate") it takes far longer to sort things out. Leaving a clear will makes everything easier - I think a beneficiary can simply take a copy to the bank to get access to your accounts, for example.

SleepingLion · 16/04/2010 09:23

IMO, as soon as you have a child you should have a will. Obviously, you need to have it legally stated who you wish to be guardian to your child - not only in the event of your death but in the event of the deaths of both parents - do you really want that decision to be left up to a judge?

And presumably too you want to make proper financial provision for your child. Does your DP have a will? I remember the case of Michelle Williams who has had to fight to get financial provision for her daughter from Heath Ledger's estate because they were not married and he died without making a will.

SleepingLion · 16/04/2010 09:25

Yes, the 'let's post everything in AIBU is ridiculous at the moment.

AIBU to be too lazy to be arsed to find the proper topic for my point?

brightwell · 16/04/2010 09:26

You need to think about what would happen to your dc & your estate, if you or you & your dp died today. Who would know your wishes etc. It costs about £150 to get a will drawn up with a solicitor.

emsyj · 16/04/2010 09:37

Don't do your own will. Home-made wills (using will kits) often have errors in them that are fatal to the validity of the will or that require work post-death to prove to the probate registrar that they should be held valid. They are a nightmare. I used to groan and slump over my desk every time a home-made will came along - they were never ever problem-free and it costs more to sort out post-death than it would have done for the deceased to just take proper advice and have their will professionally drawn up in the first place. Go to a solicitor who specialises in this area. Wills and probate is the second most common area of law for negligence claims (after conveyancing)... You need someone who knows what they're doing, even if the will is very simple and basic.

Coldhands · 16/04/2010 09:44

I had a call from a company yesterday offering wills for a couple for £78. They come to your house too. I wouldn't take the chance on one of those do your own will at home. I read on here that someone who knows a solicitor said they get more money from correcting these DIY wills than actually doing the will in the first place.

We are getting one as we want out wishes made clear over who would get custody of our DS if anything happened to us. Also what life insurance goes where etc.

I think it is very important and I do not want it to be left to people who won't necessarily do what we want.

greensnail · 16/04/2010 09:54

Everyone should have a will. Its really not very expensive to get it done properly and then you have peace of mind that financial matters will be as straightforward as possible should you and/or your dp die. Your surviving family will have enough to deal with without adding extra complications of no will.

Our first wills were done free by the solicitor who did the conveyancing when we bought our house. We've since redone them as we got married and it was less than £100 for me and DH.

tatt · 16/04/2010 10:11

if you have something to leave - whether possessions or just children who need a guardian - it is irresponsible not to have a will.

Most of the "get a lawyer to do it" posts are written by those with a financial interest. Lawyers make a lot of money writing wills. Complictaed wills should be written by a solicitor, otherwise get a book from the library and write your own. It will point out the main errors people make.

Coldhands · 16/04/2010 10:18

"Most of the "get a lawyer to do it" posts are written by those with a financial interest"

I don't think thats true. I pointed out that it could be more expensive in the long run if you do your own and then it has to be corrected by a solicitor. I have no financial interest whatsoever, but I don't want someone to make an expensive mistake and I would always think it is better to have someone advise you who deals with these things all the time, no matter how much more expensive it is. Could save hassle when you die.

Meglet · 16/04/2010 10:25

If you have dc's get a will FGS. £100 at a solicitors and its done properly.

I'm a single mum and I have a will.

brightwell · 16/04/2010 13:07

As a single mum I don't think £150 was a lot of money to secure my dc's future, I don't have "a financial interest", I just wanted clarity & security should I die before dc reached adulthood.

ChippingIn · 16/04/2010 13:19

Driventodistraction - who do you think died to make you boss?

HappyGoLovely - I don't have any financial interest in you getting a will . However, I will tell you that (as others have said) dying intestate (without a will), makes it a complete nightmare for those left behind and you wouldn't want that for your DP or DC's. Home-kit-wills aren't worth the paper they are written on really. Look in the local paper, there's usually someone offering a 'special deal this week'. Please just get it done.

HairExtensions · 16/04/2010 13:43

If you are in receipt of an income based benefit ie IS, JSA (income based) ESA (income based) etc then you can have a will done for free by a solicitor (under legal aid).

I didn't know about the custody thing either.

slhilly · 16/04/2010 13:46

ChippingIn -- home-made wills can be problematic, but so can wills done by solicitors, and it's quite hard to get redress when you're dead. Whether you make or buy a will, you need to check it carefully for the common mistakes that people make, and you need to need to confirm it reflects your intentions.

More information here. I think the lists of what you can include are quite helpful. The advice on definitely definitely using a solicitor, avoiding punctuation and on required use of legalese all strike me as a bit overdone.

mumblechum · 16/04/2010 13:48

I'm a lawyer and would always recommend making a will. We do not, however, make lots of money on wills, on the contrary they're a loss making enterprise generally, but good for making the firm a bit more well known.

I charge (in my freelance capacity) £70 for a single, £120 for a couple. You may pay more or less, depending on where you are in the country.

runnybottom · 16/04/2010 15:21

If your partner is the childs father they do not automatically go to the mothers family, what gave you that idea?

onlyjoking9329 · 16/04/2010 15:35

yes you should get a will, my DH died having not made a will and i have the in-laws from hell, i dread to think what would have happened if we were not married.

Pikelit · 16/04/2010 15:39

Yse, YABU for not having a will but,
YAB even more U for not bothering to put this topic in the place where you'll get the best advice.

MorrisZapp · 16/04/2010 15:54

Solicitors will just love it of you do your own - lots of lovely busines for them coming in and tidying up the mess afterwards.

Pay a professional.

DrivenToDistraction · 16/04/2010 16:46

ChippingIn - AIBU = board for posting questions asking if one is being unreasonable. Obviously. I don't consider my reply to the OP to BUR at all. 'tis fair comment. She'd probably have got more advice about this legal matter on the Legal Matters board.

It is, of course, possible (but IMVHO, irritating) to present any question as an AIBU, the OP hasn't made the effort AIBUize question at all. Just the title, which doesn't even fit with her question as she is obviously worried about not having a will and is looking for advice about how best to go about getting one.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 16/04/2010 16:49

YABU and unfair to your child.

Get a will done. It isn't just about who gets your money but who gets custody of your child. If you want dp too, maybe you should marry him.

Get a will.

ChippingIn · 16/04/2010 21:27

DTD - yes she did 'AIBUize' (urgh) the question... she asked

Am I Being Unreasonable to not have a will as I'm an unmarried Mother?

Why is that not a valid question?

If you're going to get all holier than thou about what should and shouldn't be allowed here, then pretty much all the questions have a 'relevant' topic elsewhere. If you don't like AIBU as it is, why not stick to the boards or click your back key if you don't like a particular question?

Thediaryofanobody · 16/04/2010 21:40

Your DP had parental responsibly for your DC he has an automatic right to raise them if you die.

gtamom · 17/04/2010 04:00

Yes, yabu.
Everyone with a child needs a will.