to be disappointed/upset about £ left in will?

[carocaro]

Got a cheque today £3,500 from my Grandma.

Estate was over £250,000.

Her son's, my Uncles I presume were left the most, the same Uncles who did not speak to her for decades at a time when they fell out. PLus a few other friends, no other grandchildren, as out of the 11 she had me and my sister were the only one's who ever saw her.

My Dad died ten years ago and she always stated that me and my sister would get my Dad's share. Apparently not. Why I don't know and never will.

I am upset because it seems as is my Dad meant nothing, despite the fact that he was the only one who ever did anything for her and the only son she ever liked - that from her own mouth!

I am disappointed at the small amount, of course I am grateful and £ should not reflect someone's level of love, but it just seems very harsh and unfair.

But it was her decision and there is nothing I can do about it. Must suck it up and move on.

Do you think it is correct or not? You can get a copy of the will if you wish

YABU

but you know that

she may have made the will a million years ago and never changed it

did you love your grandma and did she love you? do you have lovely memories - if so, please look past the money

£3,500 is a fair whack out of the blue

her estate may have been worth £250k but there are duties and taxes to be paid

Are you sure the estate was £250k after everything was settled (e.g. care fees, etc)?

I'm afraid I think anyone who gets in a strop about money from a will is BU.

It makes it not about the person who died, but about the money. No matter how you try and dress it up.

I imagine people are going to flame you for this

but I would ignore them - of COURSE you feel disappointed, anybody would. Whether we like it or not, inheritance is very bound up with emotions and the perception of value within a family

nobody wants to be undervalued or overlooked, and it's upsetting you that she seems not to have recognised your Dad's place in her life

I don't know why someone would do this - perhaps she was scatty about her will, or not thinking very clearly at the end, or maybe there were tensions you weren't privy to - who knows?

As you say though, you will have to "suck it up" - and try to remember what you loved about both her and your Dad, and rise above the financial side of things

I'd rather have my nana alive than £3500

Was there a will? Or just a legal distribution?

Well - as someone says, if you think that the will has not been correctly administered you can get a copy of it and see what it actually said.

Also, don't forget that £250,000 will be subject to quite a lot of tax.

But finally, if the will has been correctly administered and your uncles were bequeathed the lion's share by your grandmother, then I'm afraid that you will have make your peace with that. She will have had her reasons.

Sorry for your loss.

What an ugly and ungrateful attitude. YABVU - would your grandmother be proud of your response to her gesture if she was alive?

Sorry - pressed enter too soon. Last post sounded WAY harsh.

I meant, I would rather have my nana alive than £3500 but can understand that you feel a bit badly done by. Can you ask to see a copy of the will and executors notes kind of thing - it would tell you the net amount she left after costs etc and the breakdown of the legacies

Hmm I think YANBU

It woudl feel like a bit of a kick in the teeth I think

I would discreetly get a copy of the will as soon as you can and check that it is right

Baby B I take it back, IHT threshold higher than I remember it.

Did she die intestate?

Is it likely the will was made years ago and never updated? Sorry for your loss.

Yes, that is disappointing. You must feel hurt. I would want to know more, too.

Well, as you seem to accept that this was her decision and not a mistake then I think YABU.

Were you nice to your Grandma with a view to getting more money? No, you were nice to her because you loved her.

Her money is a totally separate thing, you don't show love through money.

What Iklboo said.

When I lost my Nanny, I was given one of her gold watches by my Grandad. When I lost Grandad I asked for the family button box... a box full of memories.

But all I wanted was my Nanny and Grandad...

carocaro - Yes, you probably will get flamed, but just wanted to say that I agree with Greensleeves, who I think put it very well.

Certainly in my family there is a strong sense of 'legacy', and although my family does not have the same tensions and complications that yours seems to, I know that despite the fact that I adored my Grandmother, and she me (and I would much rather have her alive than her money), the money that she left me did matter to me. Money is an emotional subject, and a lot of people will get very self-righteous about it. Honestly, though, I imagine very few of the people who will criticise you would genuinely not care about the money themselves.

YABU in one respect as you have got 3,500 more than I got when my grandmother (and indeed my father) died.
However, if you were led to believe that you would receive your late fathers share (and wills are often written in this way) then I can understand why you are unhappy and would hope it is because you believe this is what your grandmother wanted.

You need to see a copy of the will and check the exact wording in relation to the gift to your father.

I would ask for a copy of the will and see what actually happened as it may give you peace of mind to know exactly how the money was distributed.

It might be, as others have said, that there were costs you didn't know about.

Or it might be that they have not yet sold her house, and that this is just a preliminary distribution. Sometimes they distribute the cash and easily liquidated assets first, then follow it up later with the rest.

But ultimately if that's the way the cookie crumbles then, as you've said yourself, you need to cope with that.

You had years of love and happiness with your grandma that your foolish uncles missed out on - hold onto that

I understand why you are feeling like this, agree you should get a copy.

Think those criticising the OP on this thread need to realise that so much of the upset is tied up in the fact that this means that her late father received nothing and all the emotion tied up in that. When I read the OP's post, it isn't that she is upset that about the cash but what that cash represents.