to be disappointed/upset about £ left in will?

[carocaro]

Got a cheque today £3,500 from my Grandma.

Estate was over £250,000.

Her son's, my Uncles I presume were left the most, the same Uncles who did not speak to her for decades at a time when they fell out. PLus a few other friends, no other grandchildren, as out of the 11 she had me and my sister were the only one's who ever saw her.

My Dad died ten years ago and she always stated that me and my sister would get my Dad's share. Apparently not. Why I don't know and never will.

I am upset because it seems as is my Dad meant nothing, despite the fact that he was the only one who ever did anything for her and the only son she ever liked - that from her own mouth!

I am disappointed at the small amount, of course I am grateful and £ should not reflect someone's level of love, but it just seems very harsh and unfair.

But it was her decision and there is nothing I can do about it. Must suck it up and move on.

And I agree with Greensleeves btw.

Feeling upset at this isn't necessarily a mercenary thing.

Being inexplicably passed over for anything is hard to come to terms with, especially if the person has gone and you can't ask them why.

Hmmm, well having recently lost a grandparent who left all of his money to the children of his first marriage - also around 250K (never mind the fact that my dad and sister had been the ones to look after him for the last 20 years) I can understand, in a way, where you're coming from.

(ALthough TBH my GF did it out of spite - spite that he couldn't even leave in death)

Sorry for your loss.

"sometimes it IS OKAY TO BE UNREASONABLE"

She didn't ask if it was ok to be unreasonable, she asked if it was unreasonable. Which you have just confirmed yourself!!

Blimey WhoIsAsking - that must have been awful.

and PMSL at ladyintheradiator complaining about people being ripped to shreds on here.

Pot?

Kettle?

Ladyintheradiator - did you READ the post afetr that one?? The one where I said I'd pressed enter too soon? With the apology?

I agree with ladyintheradiator.

YABU and yes, be grateful and move on.

Suck it up? Seriously? You have been given £3500 and you think it isn't good enough and you better just suck it up.

Defining a relationship with a loved one in terms of what financial gain you get IS ugly - how can it be anything but ? My siblings are probably still fighting over the share of the inheritance that I walked away from - because I couldn't stand the assigning of 'worth' and value' to the relationships we had with our mother.

Hmm, strikes me that it'spossible that you will still get your dad's share if he died after the will was made.

Most bog standard wills say that (assuming the testator is widowed), that various cash legacies are paid out then the residue divided equally between all surviving children. Any child (ie yr dad) who dies before the testator leaving children of their own has their share passed on to those grandchildren.

The solicitors may have paid out the cash legacies but not yet distributed the residuary estate.

The only way of knowing is to look at the will.

well yes but Crazy that's quite an ungenerous attitude.

If someone posts with obvious hurt and upset at an unfair situation, you can respond to the exact wording of their OP OR you can look at the bigger picture and try to address that.

Anyway, I don't think she is unreasonable to be disappointed. She WOULD be unreasonable to dispute the will and drag her family through the courts - but she's not suggesting that. She's just expressing her private feelings - which we are all entitled to.

Erm, again, OP says it isn't about the cash, but what that cash represents.

She lost her dad. Her gran said her dad's inheritance woudl be passed to her and her sister. That might not have happened. She feels this is as if her dad has got forgotten.

She's not saying "I really wanted a new house now I can only afford a fucking holiday"

It gave me the for about 3 weeks wishingchair. And then I just thought..."Silly old bastard" Nobody cried at his funeral (which only had about 8 people there) so, I guess that says something about him as a person.

And fwiw you could argue I was in the same position. Sons got £80,000 each and they have done bugger all for my relative, I got £2000 and have always been there for the last 20 years, got her to the doctor when she was ill, supported her when she had breast cancer, sent her money, etc etc but I was very happy with my £2000.

Ladyintheradiator - no problem. OP, please ask for a copy of the will/distribution to put your mind at ease. Do you know who the executors were?

I wouldn't take it so personally. I say this as someone who has had a couple of dealings with wills recently, including one which has taken a year to sort out due to poor drafting.

It is possible there was no will in which case the rules of intestacy will apply and they don't make any allowances for how loved or valued relatives were.

It is also possible that the will was drafted years ago and not updated. It may even have been made before you were born with standard provisions for any future grandchildren.

It may also be the case that your grandmother took a solicitor's advice and the will was written quite dispassionately often along a spouse, then children, then any grandchildren line. I doubt your grandmother questioned it because of a "the solicitor will know best" attitude which lots of us have.

Also, £250,000 is well within the inheritance tax band so is not liable for loads of tax.

OP, I think the important thing is not the amount of money, but that your grandmother did include you. When my grandmother died she left me a significant chunk of her estate. When DH's grandmother died we got a small silver bowl she used to put sweets in when he came to visit. I don't think it means DH's grandmother loved him any less than mine loved me (and DH's grandmother's estate was bigger than my DG).

Use the money for something that makes you happy. I know you've had a tough time recently so you could do with a treat.

Ladyintheradiator - please don't feel bad! It was my mistake that posted the insensitive looking remark about my nana. You weren't to know what I was intending to put. On it's own it did look like self-righteous knobbery of the highest order!

My mum , a few years ago, got her mums share when the uncle died - does that make sense?
There were 3 brothers and 2 sisters. 1 sister was my granny, who died at the age of 53. When granny's oldest brother died, without a will (only instruction was that I had to recevie a very old book) the estate was split between the remaning siblings - but because Granny had died, then my mum got her share. It could be that you and your sister have got your dad's share after everything esle was paid out

I would have expected the letter to you enclosing the cheque to set out on what basis the £3,500 was being paid - was it a cash gift set out in the will? Was it your share of residue? Is it an interim distribution? You should have had this explained to you.

If you want to see the will you can get a copy from the probate registry - they are public documents once a grant of probate has been issued.

I found this thread really interesting, there is the potential for a similar situation in my family.

My Nan had 3 kids, one of whom (my mum) has died. Nan hasn't made a will because she says she doesn't need to, she has told everyone in the family what she wants to happen, despite other relatives telling her this isn't enough she just says my uncle knows her wishes and will sort it out.

Thing is that my uncle is a first rate git of the highest order. I know that if he gets any say at all in how it is divided the surviving sons will share whatever there is (v little to be honest, no house or anything) and that my mums share will not be thought of. Nan has said that my mums share should come to me.

If my mum's share isn't passed to me I'll be really upset. Not because of the money (like I said, probably v little) but because it will be as if my mum has been forgotten, like she didn't exist.

Sorry, but on a roll now! Following on from my last post I also wonder what might happen when my dad dies.

He has remarried a younger woman after mum died, he has an old will which will be invalid now due to new marriage I think. I guess all money will go to new wife, despite a large portion of it being earned by my mum whilst she was alive and from the family home they bought and paid for together.

Again, its really not about the money, its just like (in terms of inheritance) my mum has been wiped out, never existed.

Inheritance really is a miserable minefield isn't it?