to be disappointed/upset about £ left in will?

[carocaro]

Got a cheque today £3,500 from my Grandma.

Estate was over £250,000.

Her son's, my Uncles I presume were left the most, the same Uncles who did not speak to her for decades at a time when they fell out. PLus a few other friends, no other grandchildren, as out of the 11 she had me and my sister were the only one's who ever saw her.

My Dad died ten years ago and she always stated that me and my sister would get my Dad's share. Apparently not. Why I don't know and never will.

I am upset because it seems as is my Dad meant nothing, despite the fact that he was the only one who ever did anything for her and the only son she ever liked - that from her own mouth!

I am disappointed at the small amount, of course I am grateful and £ should not reflect someone's level of love, but it just seems very harsh and unfair.

But it was her decision and there is nothing I can do about it. Must suck it up and move on.

It really isn't meaning someone has been forgotten if someone doesn't get their parents share.

When I was sent the cheque there was no official overing letter. I already knew I was getting a couple of grand as I paid for a copy of the will.

My nana really struggled with writing her will as they were still her sons no matter what and tbh they got the lot on the basis of what they had been like when younger. On her death bad one son pressured her to do her will there and then. He wasn't happy I got some money.

Octo, I think you need to get advice on your Dad's situation as it sounds quite complicated. Maybe try CAB?

Regarding your gran, google "intestacy laws uk" (or Scotland if you're in Scotland) - the rules are quite strict, your uncle can't just decide how he wants it to be. And it doesn't matter what your gran has told him either, if she dies intestate it's laid down in law what everyone gets (unless all the benefactors agree, and then you can all agree to a different distribution if you want).

YANBU. Because you are feeling sad and disappointed but have resolved to suck it up and move on. You can't help how you feel, only how you act on it. So YANBU again.

Yes marriage invalidates your will unless the will was made 'in contemplation of' the marriage. He should take some advice, but you never know he may already have done so. I used to do wills and probate and a lot of people do this stuff very privately without discussing it with their families. I would always encourage clients to discuss these matters as often the shock of the contents of a will where they are unexpected can cause much more family fall-outs than they would have done if they'd been dealt with during the person's lifetime. But of course you can't force anyone to discuss these things. Very often the terms of a will used to come as a surprise to the family following a death.

Fab - 'It really isn't meaning someone has been forgotten if someone doesn't get their parents share'

I know hats not what it means, but its what it feels like IYSWIM, grief isn't rational is it? My mums memory is very important to me.

Just to clarify, whatever happens in each case I will just smile sweetly and say nothing because it isn't my place to BUT I will feel upset inside.

Mothers can fall out with their sons but always love them. I think you need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Perhaps her favourite son was your dad but in your gran's eyes her love was for all her three sons and since your dad died she wanted to give it to her living sons.

yeah probably YABU but I'd be feeling pretty bloody unreasonable too. I'd be disappointed too I think. Well I know. It seems unfair that people who made no effort with your grandmother during her life should benefit from her death.

One of my grandmothers died without making a will. 1 of her 3 children had died and the 2 kids of that dead daughter still got 1/3 of the estate between them, so it's likely she made a will and wasn't thinking about the implications when she split it between her remaining children leaving smaller amounts to grandchildren.
I agree that I would ask to see the will though. If it's being done through a solicitor that should be easy and you don't necessarily have to tell uncles etc.

If Grandma made her will a long time ago she may have ring fenced the £3,500 for you and your sister and the 'rest divided equally, blah, blah'. She would not have realised years ago that £3,500 would just about buy a second hand car now nor that her total estate would be quarter of a million!

Lesson to us all really about the danger of setting a specific sum as a bequest. Heard of someone else who left a set sum to a charity and after care fees, etc. the sum was more than the total estate.

I would be upset if my parent had been written out of their parents will. There's no other way I would feel.

I don't think yabu to mind, but there is absolutely nothing you can do, and dwelling on it will only hurt you. Wills can be very very tricky. My step-grandmother accidentally made a will that for various reasons was not valid. The money that she inherited from my grandfather should have gone to his 4 children. She had no children herself. (She was absolutely lovely by the way; she lavished her stepgrandchildren with time, love, lovely holidays with her, she even had a hut a the seaside). But her will wasn't valid and therefore all the money went to her blood relatives. Can you imagine finding that out. BUT... it has a happy ending. Her blood family and my family had a meeting and they said that obviously the money should go to the 4 children, and my family said, well is there anyone in your family who really needs some help. Gran had a niece who was lame and not quite with it and I don't know what it was called in those days. So in the end the money was shared 5 ways between my Dad and his 3 sibs and the niece.

My solicitor was pretty astonished to hear that tale and told me it was very rare.

You have all my sympathy but there is nothing you can do.

of course you're not being unreasonable. It's oh so easy to be self-righteous about money, as some of the posts above show, but in this case the problem is obviously not about money per se - if you'd been left your dad's share, however small that was, there wouldn't have been an issue.

It may well be, as others have suggested, that she just didn't update her will - getting hold of a copy would settle that, and hopefully put your mind at rest that it wasn't an intended slight. Or she may have been confused in her old age. Or your uncles may be taking advantage and the will wrongly administered. Either way, don't feel bad about pursuing it - of course you'd rather have your granny alive (honestly, how on earth can people assume that you wouldn't!!!), but this is about emotional closure, not money.

Thanks all, good to hear all the views, but as I said before it's not really about the cash.

And just to add insult in injury, one of my Uncle's who got most of the cash is very independently wealthy in his own right so does not even need it!

In an intestacy, under English or Scottish distribution you and your sister would have had half each of your father's share.

So it looks like your gran stated those smaller amounts by choice.

YANBU at all, of course it's a disappointment. I guess you'll never know why she changed her mind about giving you half of your father's share.

Anybody saying all this preachy guff about how money doesn't equal love etc, presume you would have somehting to say if your in laws bought their other GDCs expensive pressies and your ones cheapo's, or if your mum left all her money to your sister, of if your DP bought his sister a posh handbag and you a packet of Mars Bars for Christmas.

V good point about specific bequests. Your gran might have said 3.5k back when that was a huge sum, and also like many people may have had very litle idea of how much her estate was worth - 'Oh but I don't have any money!' etc.

Maybe in her mind 3.5k did represent half your father's share.

Get your hands on the will - if the solicitor doesn't offer you sight of it you can apply for a copy as a member of the public after it's all been settled.

She may have let a wad to the Cat and Dog home/RNLI/NSPCC for all you know!

The Sunday Times magazine had an interesting article about family disputes and wills last weekend. In one case the father left everything to one son and not the other. After the death they just divided it 50/50. There is nothing to stop people doing that. Also after a death if everyone agrees which was done when Princess Diana died by the way, you can simply agree a new will and divide it how you like or more fairly BUT only i f they all agree.

I wasn't emotionally close to either of my Grandmothers (due to distance as they both lived abroad). I was pretty horrified at the way my relatives behaved as they squabbled over the spoils. I'm not talking about the cash but their personal effects. It was really ugly.

Some of my aunts literally loaded up their cars with their mother's antiques and then left them out of the valuation so that the two other sisters who lived abroad were oblivious.

My mum had asked for her mother's wedding ring to her father (only child from that marriage) but that went 'missing'. We didn't want anything else and it all left a sour taste in the mouth. I'm sure it was only worth £100 or so, compared to the thousands they all squabbled over and it was hers by right it's all pathetic really.

Sadly I think that people are a bit naive when it comes to assuming that the estate will be divided equally by heirs. Or they are not very good at keeping it up to date.

I really hate the way people behave when someone dies. It's like jackals circling a carcass.

Having said all that, I really need to write a will myself!

I thought about the specific sum after I made my earlier post. In my family my grandmother did her will just after my grandfather died. At the time my uncle had a drug problem and mental illness that had resulted in court appearances and sectioning.

She left equal shares to her children, grandchildren and bizarrely my father, her son-in-law. At the time of her death that was 5 people (my mother had 2 children, uncle none) so 20% each.

In her later life my GM had Alzehimers and my uncle looked after her. It wasn't an ideal situation (uncle not well, GM not well) but left it to keep the peace.

When the will was read my uncle was understandably very, very upset as it did not reflect the relationship or the fact he was financially dependent on her (he lived in her house). My parents rejected their shares and decided with everyone's agreement to change the will.

It's now 5% to my mother, 22.5% each to me and DSis and 50% to my uncle.

Incidentally DSis and I tried to reject our shares roo but the others wouldn't agree.

It's all been relatively civilized but a year on we're only just getting the deed of variation finalised (too boring to go into details why) and noone's been paid anything yet.

Have told our executors the reasons why we've drawn our mirror will up the way we have to avoid dramas when we die.

MorrisZapp - interesting view you have that any of us 'preachy' lot would kick up a fuss if we thought we had been treated unjustly. Just to turn that thought on it's head, My siblings and I were left an equal but significant finacial share of our mothers estate. My siblings at this time, both lived mortgage free, having received significant financial help from my mother to get both of them on the property ladder. I admit to being a bit of a black sheep of the family and refused to accept any money from my mother in order to buy my first house. In her will, my mother made extra financial provision for me towards paying off my mortgage. My siblings reacted with complete outrage and it very quickly escalated into an ugly campaign of assault by them to prove that they had been treated unfairly.
So I walked away. I walked away from it all - the financial settlement, the extra provision - the lot of it. Because my mother would have been horrified at the way they were behaving. and they weren't prepared to stop so I had to make it stop. Her memory and my memories of her are far too precious to be sullied by reducing it to a squabble over money, however large or small the amount. So perhaps give those who 'preach' the benefit of the doubt over their own experiences and motivations

can a will be changed after someone dies though? Can someone claim to be treated unfairly and ask for more money?

I am with Greensleeves, on this. YANBU in feeling upset, because it's NOT about the money you recieved but about being given a minimal nominal value expressed in the amount that you got. Whatever people can say, if someone gets a lot and another gets too little, it seems as a reflection of what the person felt for us.

I have to say that I also find the "I would prefer to have my granny alive than the £3500" posts unnecessary. OP is not choosing between the money or the life of the grandparent. Refusing the money won't bring back the person from death.

My father was a lawyer dealing with family cases, particularly inheritance disputes. One day he told me that the best inheritance he would leave to me and my sisters was to leave us NOTHING, as he had already seen far too many family relationships broken about disputes about inheritances. He didn't want our relationships ruined over money.

Yes you can cornsilk if all parties agree to a deed of variation (see my epic last post for long-winded irrelevant example ),

A will can also be challenged in court.

It must hurt but YABU in a way - my dh's family go on and on about what they will inherit - so do nothing and just wait for it. I don't think anything is mine until is is mine if you know what I mean and I never ask my mum about her plans - ever. It's her stuff.