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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not fund ds further education

107 replies

frazzled74 · 13/04/2010 09:21

we have a moderate income which allows us to pay mortgage etc and have 1 holiday per year plus a few day trips etc, but no savings. ds 17 will be going to uni next year. we also have a 7 and 4 year old.
am i being unreasonable to expect ds to take student loan to cover tuition and accomodation costs etc.Some of my friends are talking about taking on second jobs and remortgaging to help finance uni. I think this would be detrimental to rest of family (not enough equity anywayto remortgage)
I was hoping that ds would find part time /holiday work to minimise his borrowing and that i woud be on hand with food parcels, train fares etc. I know that its hard that students end up with masses of debt but is it that awful?

OP posts:

MintHumbug · 13/04/2010 09:25

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sarah293 · 13/04/2010 09:27

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MintHumbug · 13/04/2010 09:29

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RustyBear · 13/04/2010 09:30

There's nothing wrong with expecting him to take out the loans - most students do anyway, and if your family income is below a certain level he may be able to get a grant as well, which doesn't have to be paid back. Have you looked at the student finance website to see what he might get?

CMOTdibbler · 13/04/2010 09:35

Nothing wrong with that at all - my parents were only able to contribute a small amount a month (better imo than paying for bits and pieces as it puts all budgeting into their hands), and I came out of uni debt free, and set up for budgeting the rest of my life.

I worked every holiday, lived a very moderate life, and ate a lot of lentils. Did me a great favour.

emsyj · 13/04/2010 09:35

YANBU, I didn't get any parental support when I was at university (for 4 years) or at law school (for a further year) because my mum couldn't afford it. It's fine. If he wants to go, there are financial options out there.

SleepingLion · 13/04/2010 09:38

At the risk of sounding all Four Yorkshiremen here, when I went to university, That Was It as far as financial support went. I had to get a grant, get a loan, apply for a bursary and get a part-time job evenings and weekends and holidays because my parents didn't give me a penny - books, food, accommodation, everything was all up to me.

Quite scary but I am very proud of the fact that I survived so well - it is all part of growing up!

Original poster

frazzled74 · 13/04/2010 09:39

thanks for those comments, very reassuring ,and along the lines of what i was thinking.I can understnd wealthier parents helping out but i dont think that struggling with debts and 2 jobs on his behalf is something that i want to enter into, after all i have already done that for myself. ds best friend has just had driving lessons and car funded by stuggling parents so that he can drive to and from uni of his choice! i though students were supposed to travel on trains and coaches and go backpacking etc!

OP posts:

gingernutlover · 13/04/2010 09:44

YANBU, also it would be unfair of you to pay for his HE if you then couldnt afford it for the younger children.

If he doesnt want to get into too much debt his choices are to get a parttime job, evenings, weekends and holidays and he could possibly go to a local university where he could still live at home (low rent or rent free?) and commute to uni each day.

I did all of the above and have a total debt of about £4000 for 4 years at uni so it can be done - just depends on how sensible he is.

violethill · 13/04/2010 09:46

YANBU. DC1 has a part time job to help fund herself.

BTW - check out the loan situation, because the maintenance loan is means tested - apparently DH and I earn too much for our dd to get the full loan. Personally I think that's a bloody disgrace, because it's a loan which she would have to pay back anyway, and I'm tempted sometimes to chuck in my job so she could qualify for a full loan...... but hey, it's all a good work ethic for them.

electra · 13/04/2010 09:47

I think YANBU, but a student loan is not enough to pay rent and cover food and bills, ime, even if you are very careful about how you spend money. I was able to get a job with an agency when I was a student because I had the time to work alongside my course, but if he's doing, say medicine I don't think he would have time for a job as well as his studies, so it's important to take that into consideration.

mistressploppy · 13/04/2010 09:52

When I went to Uni my dad found out what the full grant would be if I qualified for it (I didn't) and just gave me that, so I had to get the loans each year and work for a bit extra etc. My parents could easily afford to give me more but it seemed a bit unnecessary - this way I was in the same boat as most other people.

So YANBU, in fact it'll do your ds a lot of good, imo

My uni days were bloody brilliant....ahhhh

emsyj · 13/04/2010 09:57

You get extra funding for medicine and dentistry (my brother is a dentist) because they don't have 'traditional' terms - it's more like a full time job with very few holidays. Also you can get preferential loan rates from banks for 'career development'.

emsyj · 13/04/2010 09:59

PS I didn't work during term time but I did work during the holidays and had an overdraft etc - so it is possible to scrape by on what you can get in terms of grants/loans etc without needing to work during term.

Original poster

frazzled74 · 13/04/2010 09:59

have just realised that i have posted this multiple times, dont know how that happened. He wants to study business, although i can see the point that many degrees are not that great and perhaps not worth the debt, i do think that a degree will give him a better start and experience than any of the jobs that he would likely end up in without one.I did it the hard way, worked from 16, had baby at 18, went to college at 20, it was hard work and i missed out on loads.

OP posts:

RustyBear · 13/04/2010 10:04

Gingernutlover - there's no way a student will get away with a debt of £4000 nowadays, with tuition fees at over £3000 a year.
DS finished last year having borrowed around £6 -6.5k each year for tuition fees and 75% of the maintenance loan- with interest varying between 2 - 4.8% he now owes over £20,000. It's scary, but it's doable - one of his housemates had no support at all from her parents, despite the family income only entitling her to borrow 75% of the maximum. She had to work a lot both in the term and the holiday, but she managed.

Bluesunday · 13/04/2010 10:19

YANBU - when I went to uni as a "mature student" (I was 25), I took out loans, applied for grants and bursuries, and relied on an overdraft. I got in debt of course, but I came out with a First so I feel it was worth it in the long-run. Perhaps I just have a massive working-class chip on my shoulder, but my classes were full of kids who were being funded by their parents and were just pissing about for 3 years, they didn't seem to take it seriously because they weren't sacrificing anything to be there. If you can afford to help your kids out that's great, but I certainly wouldn't get into debt myself for it. I think the earlier kids learn financial responsibility, the better.

JaneS · 13/04/2010 10:19

Replied on one of your other posts, sorry.

But agree with rustybear. The finance situation has changed hugely, but the debt at the end of it is scary, but something you can cope with.

PorphyrophillicPixie · 13/04/2010 10:32

My Mum didn't help me or my little sister with uni with paying the whole thing. She helps little sis out a lot in terms of materials (she's on a photography course so racks up bills with printing and material costs) and she's offered to help me pay for my OU degree should I not get the funding (though on my first degree she didn't offer me any help until I dropped out! lol) and most of my uni peers had loans which is normal.

ginger: I have a debt of £1800 for one term and £1800 that I 'stole' from student loans, that was just two terms worth of loans and I was living at home. It's nearer £4000 per year rather than for the whole thing nowdays! Very scary stuff. Glad I left and glad I'm moving onto OU studies

MmeBlueberry · 13/04/2010 10:42

YANBU.

I expect my DS1 to take the maximum student loan that he can and also get a job when he starts university next year.

I do expect to pay a fair bit though as he will be in central London where accomodation is not cheap. I envision paying his accomodation costs and having him pay for food, books, etc.

electra · 13/04/2010 10:44

For those of you saying it's possible to cope without a job in term time, though - I would imagine that today it is much harder than 10 years ago. Everything (food) is much more expensive and I doubt the student loans have increased comparatively. For example, bread is now usually at least £1 and I remember being able to get Tesco value bread for 8p 10 years ago...

BritFish · 13/04/2010 10:45

frazzled, there's always a way without parental support. there's always jobs availible in uni towns, and the debt is the best debt you'll ever have.
advice:
get him to stick to a budget per week. my DD managed to get quite a lot of the grants, bursaries etc, so she is on £60 [she could have more but she'd have no savings left for summer]
she has said herself that £60 a week is more than enough, but she is lucky enough to not have to use buses etc. while she is there.
certain uni's include bus travel in the accomodation fees, but this bumps the price up.
also, if he gets all bursarys/grants etc, he wont need a massive overdraft. DD's best friend is at constant war with her overdraft, she admits its like having 'free money' and that when she gets the next installment for loan, she has nothing left because she just has to pay off the overdraft.
beware!

also, dont make yourself or the family at home struggle. if he needs bailing out, he needs bailing out. but you should make it clear that you will only bail him out if something unexpected comes up, not if he's run out of cash because he spent it all on booze! its better for you as a family to stay as you are, as its easier for students to get help, not so easier for us left at home!

good luck, he's going to have a blast, really!

JaneS · 13/04/2010 10:49

For what it is worth, my university told me in 2008-9 that they would not allow students to take their Masters unless they had 10,000 or full funding. When I asked them how they got that figure, they said it was what they estimated a year's study (tuition, accommodation, etc.) cost for an undergraduate or master's student.

In the end it cost me less than that, because I worked part-time and economized like crazy, but it wasn't far off.

If you work out the loans/bursaries etc. available, you'll have some idea of how much shortfall there is and can work out with DS how he could cover that.

Might be worth asking him to get in touch with the university finance office, who will probably be able to give him advice specific to the area he's living in.

fallon8 · 13/04/2010 10:50

thats what student loans are for!

pointydog · 13/04/2010 10:56

student loans are means tested so you might want to find out what he'd be entitled to first

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