Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to not fund ds further education

107 replies

frazzled74 · 13/04/2010 09:21

we have a moderate income which allows us to pay mortgage etc and have 1 holiday per year plus a few day trips etc, but no savings. ds 17 will be going to uni next year. we also have a 7 and 4 year old.
am i being unreasonable to expect ds to take student loan to cover tuition and accomodation costs etc.Some of my friends are talking about taking on second jobs and remortgaging to help finance uni. I think this would be detrimental to rest of family (not enough equity anywayto remortgage)
I was hoping that ds would find part time /holiday work to minimise his borrowing and that i woud be on hand with food parcels, train fares etc. I know that its hard that students end up with masses of debt but is it that awful?

OP posts:

RustyBear · 13/04/2010 15:21

Sorry, clicked post instead of preview - first line should read your parents' income

RustyBear · 13/04/2010 15:25

Actually, no, it shouldn't, I was talking about what the parents can do....

Hassled · 13/04/2010 15:27

DS1 is about to graduate - he's got through it with student loans, an overdraft, holiday jobs (not term-time), a smallish monthly allowance from us and the odd Tesco delivery from us. He has a hell of a lot of debt, but then so do all his friends, and as and when we can help him out then we will. But I wouldn't put the financial health of the rest of the family at any sort of risk to fund him - YANBU.

susie100 · 13/04/2010 15:34

Riven - as someone has already said, Cambridge is very subsidised, so are some of the Oxford colleges, food and accomodation is cheap etc. The workload is HUGE though and not comparable to other 'good' universities, Bristol, Edinburgh etc. We are talking one essay a week versus an essay a term.

I think it would be really tough to keep that going with part time work and some sort of social life which is also what university about!

Clarissimo · 13/04/2010 15:45

Wow do Bristol do an essay a term?? maybe should have accepted that then, my new Uni was 2 per module per term do 8 - 10, and dh had 5 to be submitted in the last month.

emsyj · 13/04/2010 15:46

I think anyone who manages to combine life as a Cambridge undergraduate with part-time work deserves a fecking medal! I reckon Riven's dd will be okay financially without working during term. When I was at uni, I had a friend at Cambridge who told me his termly 'college bill' (the cost of accommodation, food, heat, bills etc - everything except books & socialising) was less than half what mine was at Durham.

sarah293 · 13/04/2010 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OtterInaSkoda · 13/04/2010 15:49

I expect to fund DS over and above any loans he's able to get. I doubt he'd be enititled to a grant and even if he is, if we're in a position to help financially then we will do.

Neither DP nor I had parental help at all but the fact that it was a struggle for us doesn't mean we want it to be a struggle for ds. And of course the cost of living is so high these days.

We'd expect him to work of course, but will happily give him a monthly allowance if it means he can keep his term time working hours to a reasonable minimum.

OtterInaSkoda · 13/04/2010 15:51

Oops - YANBU op for expecting him to take out a full loan. I'd expect ds to do the same.

emsyj · 13/04/2010 15:53

Clarissimo, we were informed by our tutors at Durham (a pretty well-regarded uni so far as I know...) that the workload at Oxbridge was approximately double what we were expected to cover - I think the point here is that life at Oxbridge is pretty full-on, even when compared to other very good universities.

susie100 · 13/04/2010 15:53

It depends on the course but yes, I had an essay a team. Friends at Oxbridge had one a week and LOADS of prep for tutorials. I don't think the workload is comparable to other universities.

You also want them to have a bit of FUN, meet people from different walks of life, join some clubs, expand their horizons etc etc. They are not going to this working in a bar in the evenings. I think this is 80% what university is about really

pippop1 · 13/04/2010 16:23

No one has mentioned that the current interest rate on student loans (my son is in the 3rd year of a 4 year MEng) is 0%. You'd have to be crazy not to take the loan, even if you were a millionaire's child, and put it in the bank to get a little interest.

I do realise that it will probably go up. When he started at Uni it was 4.8% and then the next year I think it halved.

Clarissimo · 13/04/2010 16:29

Oh Emsy I get that point LOL, I guess I just expected Bristol to have been more full on that where I went as I was offered both IYSWIM

bristol has bollocks in the way of childcare etc and high rents though so not an option.

DH was told at interview for his degree that had he said he would work during term time they would not offer a palce. So he didn't say. He's an adult with kids fgs, what do they actually expect?

Swanky · 13/04/2010 16:32

YANBU and your children are similar ages to ours and I have the same concerns! I am praying my eldest hooks up with people like us so they doesn't feel too hard done by

sayithowitis · 13/04/2010 16:38

DC1 gets the standard loan, plus the means tested loan and a grant, and the documentation states that we are not expected to make a contribution to his finances, so clearly we are not exactly well off. However, we still have to help him out and he still has to make use of his overdraft facility. His accommodation alone uses up the entire maintenance loan and he still has to fund food,books,clothing,travel,mobile, printing etc etc. He is not someone who is at the union every night and is actually quite canny with his money, so I know he is not spending irresponsibly. And he is in the cheapest and oldest accommodation on campus. So actually, though YANBU to not want to, or to think you can't afford to fund your DS university education, sadly, I think you may find that like us, you will need to help him out. Unless you are happy that he may be like my silly DC1 who, in an effort to save money, has only been eating three meals every two days! I have told him that whatevr, he must eat every day and that we will help with the costs. That's why my freezer is now full of homemade meals to take when he goes back!

Somebody said that university towns always have jobs available. Well, DS and I spent a couple of days going around the town where he is at university, handing out his cv. We went into literally every shop in town as well as registering at agencies. He has a good CV from his gap year, excellent references and a current CRB. He did not manage to find anything! None of his first year contempories had any luck either. He is now trying hard to find something for the summer months but has not had ant response yet and is beginning to get concerned about paying rent on the accommodation as it has to be paid for twelve months. He is applying for jobs both here and up there, but nothing as yet.

princessparty · 13/04/2010 16:47

I bought an old terraced house when I was at Uni (with my parents being guarantors) I lived in one room and let out the others,which covered the mortgage

JaneS · 13/04/2010 17:00

Re. Oxbridge and working - as far as I know, it's not the course demands that are the problem, it's that there's a ban on most jobs during term time. Some colleges turn a blind eye; some don't.

sarah293 · 13/04/2010 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OtterInaSkoda · 13/04/2010 17:50

Riven it was ever thus though, wasn't it? It certainly was when I was at Uni.

sarah293 · 13/04/2010 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

emsyj · 13/04/2010 18:04

I went to Durham with all the rahs and rich kids but I had to scrape by on whatever I could borrow cos I was poor like... and from a broken home an' all! Is it really that different now?

OtterInaSkoda · 13/04/2010 18:06

Fair enough, Riven.

I brushed shoulders with a few rich kids thickies who failed to get into Bristol when I was at UWE/Bristol Poly. I say "brushed shoulders" but really I just spotted them sometimes in lectures - they all lived in Clifton with their sloaney friends at the "proper" Uni and didn't tend to mix with us plebs

sarah293 · 13/04/2010 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 13/04/2010 18:18

You shouldn't do it unless you want too and with good grace.

elvislives · 13/04/2010 18:28

We had 4 children when DC1 started university (have since had another DD). We explained to her right from the beginning that although "on paper" we earned a fair bit, actually our outgoings swallowed it all up and we couldn't afford to give her money.

We expected her (and her brothers) to get a Saturday job as soon as she was 16 and to put some away. We also expected her to work in the holidays- the summer hols between GCSEs and 6th form were 10 weeks long.

We didn't expect her to make any contribution towards the household at any time between 16 and 21, and instead to save enough money to tide her over.

As it turned out, we earned too much for her to get the income related 25% (as it was then) of the loan in her first year, but by working every Saturday she had enough money to live on and pay for halls. We worked out the budget together but she chose her accommodation according to what she wanted to pay out..

We have taken each child on all the uni visits; hired a van to take them up there at the start of term and back at the end of term; bought all the bits and pieces they needed there; and done the first week's grocery shopping. After that then financially they are on their own.

The income rules have changed so often I'm not sure what they are now. DC3 is now at uni and was lucky enough that the year they used to calculate his loan was the one I was on maternity leave then on part time hours, so he got far more than either his sister or elder brother.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5