to think that if you wouldn't insult someone in RL, you shouldn't on MN?

[chiccadee]

I've only been on MN a few weeks but I've been really surprised at the language and 'verbal' abuse on some of the threads. Tonight, I read an AIBU, for example, where a post was just a one line insult - no explanation or other comment given. I know AIBU is supposed to be the place where people ask for and get honest answers but some of these insults seem pretty unpleasant, especially where the OP makes it clear they are just seeking an opinion on whether their POV is reasonable.

My current thinking is that I only say here on MN what I would feel comfortable saying to another person face to face. AIBU?

i don't think it is rude to jsut type in 'YABU' if you are in a hurry, but definitely hav to get at least 1 of your twopences in..

i think name-calling is unpleasant though, i find it far more fun to annoy people by being (to my mind) reasonable, and pointing out the idiocy of their non-argument, than just skip all that head striaght for playground level insult trading.

Well whilst i agree with you in principle, I don't tend to get into heated arguments in RL as i might do on here.

Im the same in RL and in here, if I think someones being a idiot and their "opinions" is just plain and sheer emptiness then I will say so.

I expect people to do the same to me, it is after all AIBU.

YANBU to think it no. I used to think the same. Then realised that Mnetting only has any sense if you're going to say what you actually think.

fwiw knob is a great word and I think it several times a day.

Insulting isn't on but it's OK to speak your mind. I wouldn't say anything on MN that I would say to someone face to face. But I'm more direct than some and I guess that on occasion my candour hasn't been appreciated here.

I am new to MN too and I am enjoying the threads. AIBU is definately the place to speak your mind though I sometimes cringe at the personal attacks and namecalling.

I've seen that thread and the post in question and am absolutely certain that the poster in question was just using her own particular style of shorthand to say that she thought the op was being unreasonable. It is very hard to judge the general tone of a forum when you are a newb, which I guess is why so many of us lurk for a while, to get a feel for the general atmosphere.

Like it or not Mumsnet is pithier, feistier, and filthier than many other parenting forums. That is what makes it worth visiting imvho. And many of the oldies would like to hold on to its USP - I don't blame them.

Anyway, I don't agree that poster was being rude.

At other times I have seen shocking rudeness. Not much can be done about it thought with such a huge largely unmoderated site.

Thanks all. I'm glad I'm not a complete prude - just a prude-lite by the sound of it!

Just to make it clear, although I gave that thread as an example, I can recall at leat one other in the last couple of weeks which has got fairly personal, to say the least against the OP. On the whole though, I have to say that I'm enjoying MN, including AIBU, so I guess I'll just carry on lurking!

can be v funny though

i specially like "You are a knob. HTH."

'd say it to your face 'cause I'm rock 'ard

Yes, but you do know who passay is, don't you?

I agree OP. I do think that people should be able to speak their mind, and that straight talking is important. But I don't like the amount of bad language, or the posts which are just insults with no explanation given.

I am probably more polite on here than i am in Rl.

I also think that sometimes the freedom of not knowing someone in Rl is a great advantage. you get to give no nonsense advice or opinion without fear of breaking a delicate friendship.

Haven't got a clue, Mumblechum. Can't see that it makes the blindest bit of difference though, if you don't mind a spot of straight-talkin'.

your flawed premise is that words on a screen is like real life.

it isnt

and the anonymity of mn can add a real frisson and often be refreshingly candid when real life wouldnt be

Agree with Scottish mummy

Fair pt, scottishmummy.

I find it quite interesting.

It's the lack of consequences, isn't it?

In real life, you wouldn't turn to someone and say "you're a knob" or "you're talking shit" or "clearly you're a bad parent" or any of the million other horrible things that get said to people on here daily!

Why? Because to do so would affect you. You might get punched for a start people would talk, there'd be ramifications.

It would be unpleasant for you.

but here, you're anonymous. Say what you want, no consequences. The worst thing that can happen is people type rude things back, you either laugh it off or not but change your name and carry on. The same people who hated you now chat and laugh with you because they don't know that it's you who called them a cunt.

So what you see is the real person. Good or bad, nice or bitchy. You see them bare. Who they are in their heart when there's no need to front for self protection.

It's not a proper insult unless it's spelt properly

this is the crux of the matter

I think as well as rudeness honesty some people do deliberately go online to vent their frustrations and abuse. You can sometimes spot a username and think to yourself that you can guess post their posts are in the same vein, without many meaniful contributions. All forums attract people like this.

I personally can't bring myself to be downright nasty- either in RL or on here. I am a bit of a woose(sp?)

If I disagree with someone, I usually try not to be too aggressive about it, and sometimes I deliberately avoid threads where I know I might get dragged into a slanging match

On the other hand, I quite like the candour on here. I have visited other forums in the past and found them a bit of a paradox between being sickly sweet at times, and really bitchy at others. At least here it isn't just insults being hurled- there are usually some intelligent opinions floating about too!

I don't approve of name changing. I just have one other name to post embarrassing stuff on.

as long as folk dont carry mn grudges and gripes,even the mostacerbic post is easily forgotten when you log off

Name calling is usually used when a poster is losing the argument.

Links are given to research when the poster is losingtheargument trying to back up what they are saying.

I argue with loads of minginghippies people who don't share my fascist straightforward views.