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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be angry about this? Quizzed by police.

62 replies

wolfnipplechips · 07/04/2010 18:04

I was flying over long weekend by myself with my 2 dc aged 5 and 2 to see my Mum in Ireland. At security I was stopped by 2 police men who asked for our passports, fair enough. They then asked me why I had a different surname to the dc, I was sort of taken aback and answered i had kept my maiden name, all of this in front of dd.

One of the policemen then started quizing 5yo dd asking her what she called me dd is shy and was confused by his question so she just sort of grinned at me despite the fact he could see she was shy he persisted with quite a heavy hand. After what felt like an age she answered mum and then just when i thought he'd finished and was flicking through my passport he suddenly said "who is wolfnipple chip" like he was poirot or something and was onto a winner, i said excuse me? and he said it says here in the back of the childs passport in case of an emergency contact wolfnipplechip, i just said you'll see if you look in my passport there that your holding, I am wolfnipplechip.

Now this annoyed me but fair enough if it stops people kidnapping kids etc however on my way back into the country i was once again stopped by tweedle dee and tweedle dum who again wanted our passports. he Then wanted to know where the dc's father was and why he wasn't travelling with us . Now i wasn't aware that one needed permission to take ones own dc on holiday without their father present. I am also that he quizzed me about my surname in front of my dd. In this day and age there are a million reasons why my surname is different from there's. I understand that they have a job to do but a bit of tact here people. AIBU to complain.

OP posts:

Original poster

wolfnipplechips · 07/04/2010 18:05

sorry long and rather ranty.

OP posts:

QOD · 07/04/2010 18:09

Personally if my maiden name were wolfnipplechips, I'd take my married name. Unless it was nevergoogledragonbutter.

But thats just me.......

(On a serious note, one of dd's friends is coming with us on holiday this year and we are getting her parents to sign a letter of authority for her to travel with us AND taking a copy of both their passports)

poppy34 · 07/04/2010 18:10

Erm I can see your annoyance as policeman sounds bit ott ESP with shy dd but there was a thread somewhere else about this as apparently there are rules in some places (france iirc) where in circs like yours you need a letter from the father to take gild out country without father.

Dirtgirl · 07/04/2010 18:10

You are not being unreasonable to be annoyed at the way they questioned you if you found them rude or overbearing, but they are doing an important job. I'd rather they questioned me than children got trafficked.

Original poster

wolfnipplechips · 07/04/2010 18:11

ottersearlobes didn't go well with my firstname (large).

Thats fair enough QOD but these are my children do i require a permission slip if i want to take them out of the country?

OP posts:

BallpointPen · 07/04/2010 18:11

I thought for a minute you had something in your passport that actually referred to you as wolfnipple chip and the guy was asking you who it was?

Like you say it's their jobs, they were doing them but does sounds as though they were being a bit officious about it.

I have a different surname to my DD and haven't ever had trouble entering the UK or France.

Are they more bored bothered in Irelend?

LadyintheRadiator · 07/04/2010 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo · 07/04/2010 18:13

I suspect they are looing for specific children, who have been taken with out authority of another parent...but they obviously aren't doing it very tactfully.

SpicedGerkin · 07/04/2010 18:14

You must look shifty.

QOD · 07/04/2010 18:16

In this modern age, maybe there should be a section on passports with parents names. But then parents could easily snatch kids of each other.
My dd's brand shiney new passport has a chip thing in it - wonder what extra whatever is stored on that?

Original poster

wolfnipplechips · 07/04/2010 18:16

Surely police can use some level sense when checking for child trafficking i.e I have a passport, the dc have passport in the back of their passports it has my name and dhs name, dc and i look very very alike, dc could easily be observed in said security area happily playing with each other and calling me Mummy.

I think the issue was more that i was travelling without their father but as someone who was brought up by just mt dm i find that really irritating.

OP posts:

titch7069 · 07/04/2010 18:18

last year i travelled from tanzania to the uk with dd1 (10) dd2 (8) and i was 7 and a half months pregnant. DH stayed in tz to close down the hotel at the end of the season. we are married and all have the same surname, on arrival in the uk i was held separately from my dd's for 7 hours! as immigration wanted to ensure i had the right to travel with our children without their father, we are all british and hold EC (british) passports. on a side note, i get insensed at having to remove shoes at security check - when i am wearing flip flops!!! errr no not possible to hide anything!

Original poster

wolfnipplechips · 07/04/2010 18:19

It was in England i was questioned both times.

Not shifty maybe they thought i was too young to be their mother .

OP posts:

CaptainUnderpants · 07/04/2010 18:19

YABU to complain- they were just doing their jobs, getting children to Eire then further abroad is an easy way for kids to get taken by an estranged parent. You would be surprised by the number of port alerts there can be for children who may be taken out of the country this way.

Having worked at a port like this I know what if a member of the public got arsey with us then we would just prolong the wait and questioning

LittleMissHissyFit · 07/04/2010 18:19

At one time Ireland was used as a softer gateway in and out of the UK, so tbh, I'm glad that they are being a little more vigillant than they were a few years back.

As irritating as it was, it IS something we all need to be aware of when travelling with DC. My surname is different from my DS, I carry a copy of his birth certificate with me.

So far I've not been asked about DH permission. Just a question, does anyone know if men get grilled when and if they are travelling alone with DC?

As for the way they spoke to you, I suppose they are somewhat jaded by the stuff they have to deal with and perhaps that affects their tone, but Tact is not a necessarily desirable attribute of people in professions like those..

SpicedGerkin · 07/04/2010 18:22

Good to see the proffesionals are still being proffesional CU

There is doing your job and there is being an arse, a fine line that some struggle with it seems, actually a letter/email pointing out that it could have been handled better, wouldn't be the worst thing in the world and might make some consider their people skills.

Original poster

wolfnipplechips · 07/04/2010 18:22

oh titch i would be livid, I know they have a job to do but ffs even if you were taking them without their fathers permission they still shouldn't be taken from you.

I have never forgiven airport security since they made me put my clarins moisturiser in the bin even though it wasn't liquid. But this was the transport police not security.

OP posts:

CaptainUnderpants · 07/04/2010 18:23

Rather be considered arse by a member of the public then let a kid out of the country without authrority.

pagwatch · 07/04/2010 18:24

we came back from Spain last night and the twat passport control guy got all at DS2 and spent ages with us because DS2 would not turn and look at him when called.

DH managed to explain to him that autistic children rearely turn around and say 'why yes sir, were you calling for my attention?'.

Dh did that thing of which I am so jealous where he said "he has autism which in his case means he has very little receptive speech you officious small penised wanker"
and although he didn't actually say the last bit you really really could hear it

Undutchable · 07/04/2010 18:24

This happened to my husband at Eurotunnel in November. DS and DH have the same surname (as do I!). He was stopped for some time and quizzed for about 20 minutes, lots of questions like where I was (funnily enough also on my way to England for a shopping trip with my friend and our other son! It was rather complicated for poor DH to explain). DH is British but drives a 'sporty' car and it's Dutch registered so I guess he must set of alarm bells, despite being VERY respectable looking.

I'm pleased they do check to be honest. Funnily enough though, I wasn't asked any questions at all when I went through the next day with a female friend and a 4 month old baby.

lifeas3plus1 · 07/04/2010 18:27

I would be upset at the way they questioned you but all in all it is a good thing.

My Dp's ex got questioned the same way when she tried to take my Dss to Norway. My Dp was notified straight away as Exp said she didn't have permission and it's a bloody good job they phoned dp because we knew nothing about it and the ex wasn't planning on bringing their son back.

Still I wouldn't be impressed with the way they were OTT in questioning your daughter.

VigourMortis · 07/04/2010 18:27

This happened to me at the weekend, Eurostar out of Paris. I was on my own with DS (6m) and they asked me what my relationship was to him (he has his dad's name.) I just said he's my son.

They gave me a reasonably well-written print out explaining (many children, many circumstances etc.). I got straight home and told DP we're getting married .

Original poster

wolfnipplechips · 07/04/2010 18:28

I am not disputing they have a job to do but am angry with the way they handled what IMO is a sensitive issue.

They both had passports with chips in.

OP posts:

ln1981 · 07/04/2010 18:30

YANBU- dc's can be easily intimidated by people they dont know. And I should think that there is a way to ask the relevant questions without coming over all arsey as this policeman clearly did!
DP took Ds1 to Sweden three years ago, and he was stopped at security, but he said the woman was nice as pie to him and ds1. Admittedly they have the same surname, but he needed MY permission to go to the passport office and get ds1's passport!

Think QOD made a good point about having parents names in the passport. I seem to remember when I was a child, that I didnt have my own passport, just my name in my parents. Why not just have some form of cross referncing between the passports?

mamas12 · 07/04/2010 18:30

This happened to my ex recently on an expensive ski ing trip with dcs.
Immigration asked them where I was etc. and I could just imagine the ex face and reaction ha ha.
btw he did have my my total permission but for him to be 'questioned' tickled me.

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