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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry about this? Quizzed by police.

62 replies

wolfnipplechips · 07/04/2010 18:04

I was flying over long weekend by myself with my 2 dc aged 5 and 2 to see my Mum in Ireland. At security I was stopped by 2 police men who asked for our passports, fair enough. They then asked me why I had a different surname to the dc, I was sort of taken aback and answered i had kept my maiden name, all of this in front of dd.

One of the policemen then started quizing 5yo dd asking her what she called me dd is shy and was confused by his question so she just sort of grinned at me despite the fact he could see she was shy he persisted with quite a heavy hand. After what felt like an age she answered mum and then just when i thought he'd finished and was flicking through my passport he suddenly said "who is wolfnipple chip" like he was poirot or something and was onto a winner, i said excuse me? and he said it says here in the back of the childs passport in case of an emergency contact wolfnipplechip, i just said you'll see if you look in my passport there that your holding, I am wolfnipplechip.

Now this annoyed me but fair enough if it stops people kidnapping kids etc however on my way back into the country i was once again stopped by tweedle dee and tweedle dum who again wanted our passports. he Then wanted to know where the dc's father was and why he wasn't travelling with us . Now i wasn't aware that one needed permission to take ones own dc on holiday without their father present. I am also that he quizzed me about my surname in front of my dd. In this day and age there are a million reasons why my surname is different from there's. I understand that they have a job to do but a bit of tact here people. AIBU to complain.

OP posts:
titch7069 · 07/04/2010 18:31

wolfnipplechips i was v v v peed off, we were entering the UK,have EC (british) passports and all have same surname FFS, it was more that they separated us than the questions etc, it does not help that the elder two take after their father and are blonde and i am not!

Original poster
wolfnipplechips · 07/04/2010 18:34

Pleased in a way they have quizzed others i have been out of the country approx every 2 months up until this year when dd started school on my own with dc as dh can't take time off and it has never happened before. I feel i want to write to them to tell them that they need some training on how to get info out of people in polite way, the way i do all day at work

OP posts:
giveitago · 07/04/2010 18:35

Yep he sounds very officious yet not able to spot a kidnap.

Not great - I kept my surname and upon reentering UK last time with dh I was told that in future I should take something like birth cert that could link me to ds should we travel without dh.

Of course I feel sick that dh could travel with dh with NO QUESTIONS ASKED even if he were to take him abraod without my consent (and a possiblility actually) and not get caught, yet as his MOTHER I'd need to prove myself at every time.

I now carry ds's passport and birth cert with me everywhere - possibly as also when he was born the midwives who came always asked to speak to ds's mum - they didn't recogonise that it could be me!

Just carry your child's bc with you and avoid all this and quite honestly I'd rather they question every parent than let a child through when there's a parent at home wondering where their child has gone.

QOD · 07/04/2010 18:35

Hmmmmm I am travelling to Norway next week for a funeral with dd. Hope they don't get officious about her dad not travelling with us.
Think I might scan his passport and get him to write that I have his permission.

strawberrykate · 07/04/2010 18:35

If it makes you feel better if a child holds a Ukrainian passport (as do my step kids) you can't travel at all without signatures of both parents for every trip in and out of Ukraine. Great if the natural mother has buggered off with a bloke leaving no details after a summer holiday with family...

Saltire · 07/04/2010 18:36

So what happens in cases where ther is only one aprent, and no contact whatsoever (be it through circumstances, or sadly death) with the other parent, who are parents travelling with the child supposed to get permission from?

titch7069 · 07/04/2010 18:37

hmmm i was carrying BC's, marriage cert, residents permits for TZ, made FA difference

titch7069 · 07/04/2010 18:40

oh yeah and the following week their godmother took them to france, she is no relation, and yet not one question! (i had given her a letter and a photocopy of my passport, she never had to show it)

Jux · 07/04/2010 18:41

Maybe there was some sort of alert on? Perhaps they were keeping an eye out for a possible kidnapping which may have been threatened?

I can see it's annoying, but tbh, I'd rather go through that and know that it is harder for someone to take my dd. I don't think YBU though.

susssiq · 07/04/2010 18:43

been in similar situation though my ds was too little to "question" and we are also different nationalitys, they also reccomended that i carry some sort of proof i was his mother. Rather that than kids easily being taken out of the country without parents permission.

bran · 07/04/2010 18:43

I wonder if they've recently had some sort of child-snatching problem in Ireland and so they're on alert. We were questioned about surnames for the first time last week when we went to Ireland, we go at least 3 or 4 times a year and they've hardly even glanced at our passports before. DH was with us but we have four different surnames between the four of us.

I've often had trouble entering the UK, I'm just used to it now. Someone told me that you can have any aliases that you are commonly known by noted in your passport, so I'm going to enquire when I renew mine and get the DC's surname noted as an alias of mine.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 07/04/2010 18:47

I agree with bran

Original poster
wolfnipplechips · 07/04/2010 18:48

bran maybe i could have mrs wolfnipplechips in my passport after all

OP posts:
oldraver · 07/04/2010 18:51

OP.. You asked "do I need permission to take my own children out of the country?" and I think the answer to that is yes, you do need permission from any other parent with PR. The surprise is not that you were qustioned, but the fact that more arn't. I have never been qusetioned about taking DS2 out of the country on my own. While taking DS1 one year he was askes as an aside "have you left Dad at home" but I didnt put any relevance on it as we had been checked and waved through

That said I do think there is big room for soem proper training as i have seen many posts like this. One NM also had her DC questioned where Daddy was. I think there are steps they can take before questioning a child. In my case it would be a polite "do you have/need permission to take this child out of the country". I could then produce DS's birth certificate. I would be very annoyEd if first port of call was questioning DS. its lazy and officious IMO

I would make a complaint.. state that you realise and don't have a problem with questions being asked but its the manner in which they are asked

TulipsInTheRain · 07/04/2010 18:55

I traveled from Ireland to Manchester and back last year. There were four of us:

aunt; firstname 'Burke'
cousin(12); firstname 'Jones'
my mum; firstname 'Rain-Burke'
me; Tulipsinthe 'Rain'
ds2; firstname 'Smith'

Not once did any of the multitude of ariport officials so much as blink at the fact that three women and two children were travelling and the only connection with regards to surnames was my mothers double barrell surname that half matches mine and half my aunts... both children with completely unrelated names and cousin doesn't look like any of us

bran · 07/04/2010 18:56

at Jamie.

WNC, I used to get wound up about being stopped at passport control but after the first few I just accepted it as one of the unavoidable series of annoyances that make up the bulk of my air travel experience. Once I was less tense about it I obviously seemed less suspicious to the passport people. Now they ask a question, I do my spiel about the name difference with bored indifference and they wave me through.

oldraver · 07/04/2010 18:59

I dont care about all the typos but I meant an MN'er not NM

Original poster
wolfnipplechips · 07/04/2010 19:02

Thanks oldraver, i think thats what i'll do. Out of interest what does happen when there is no contact with childs father? My Sil has a ds who hasn't had any contact with his father since he did a runner when he was about 8mo. Would they of refused to allow him to leave the country?

It doesn't make me feel in any way better that my children won't be taken out of the country having those morons sat at that desk after all despite there rudeness they didn't check what i told them about my dh was true and they couldn't even look in our passports to find out whe there NOK was. I might leave that bit out of the letter though

OP posts:
Rosa · 07/04/2010 19:03

Maybe it is about time that the passport agency copied what they do in other European countries and it is listed on the passport or ID card the people who can escort the dc in and out of the country. In the case of my dd the Id cards are valid for 5 years at a time. At the time of issue we could have added an extra relation if we wished. ( as well as DH and I). This has resolved a few questions and when I leave the country they double check my passport vs DD ID . This has been commented on by the passport people in the UK when they check the info often in the computer or whatever. I also carry birth certificates with me as once at a local airport I was questioned.

Original poster
wolfnipplechips · 07/04/2010 19:04

your secrets out old raver.

OP posts:
startagain · 07/04/2010 19:05

I had this coming in from Spain, carrying DS, 2, very heavy. And he had just woken up and wet through his nappy as we were standing in the queue for 45mins
I had no problem with them asking the questions, but customs said "obviously the boy is comfortable with you, so happy that you are his mum." and told me to take his birth certificate in future. But he could easily have been wriggly and whinging after just waking up etc. what would they have done then?

oldraver · 07/04/2010 19:54

Wolfnipple I think the whole thing is fraught anyway. Only I have PR for my DS so I carry his Birth Certificate though I know it is possible his father could get PR if he wanted and I'm not sure if they change the certificate. So it could be argued that my carrying the BC isnt foolproof.
I wasnt questioned and I actually asked the lady "I thought you may ask why I'm taking him out of the country on my own" and she smiled and said "no"

With your SIL, in theory thy could ask her and if her ex has PR and she answered no she doesnt have permission they could stop her

With my older DS who was asked after the fact "Did you leave Dad at home", The customs guy was being lighthearted and it didnt occur to me he was questioning, as we had had our passports given back and waved on. My then teen just growled "No he's dead". The customs
guys face did drop. I really dont know how we would of proved that there and then

The system isnt consistant. I really do think its whether you catch them in a good mood and nothing to do with child welfare. I think they must just be reminded every now and then, throw their weight around to show they are doing their job. If they were following the letter of the law they would question everyone, but I'm sure chaos would ensue

scaryteacher · 07/04/2010 20:05

I spent two years travelling frequently between UK and Belgium with ds when dh worked here and I hadn't yet moved over. We were never questioned about where dh was.

WhasThisAllAbout · 07/04/2010 20:36

Hi there,

this is my first post but I thought I just wanted to agree with Oldraver. You do need permission from both parents, and really anyone travelling alone should be questionned. However,as with most things this isn't the case!

My sister was going through a pretty messy divorce last year and took her dcs on a pre-planned holiday during this. Ex-h reported this to his solicitor as kidnap ping (he's a stand up guy obviously ),his solicitors was aware he was being ridiculous but did write my ds a stern letter stating that prior consent must be sought in future as removing the children from the country without both consenting parents agreeing can cause a lot of issues,including trouble at customs as customs should check this is the case!

I would def complain about the way it was handled though,sorry the put a damper on your travel.

I just want to add that I have no idea what happens if one parent doesn't have access!

Original poster
wolfnipplechips · 07/04/2010 20:51

Welcome to Mn .

I think airport security and consistency are not too words that go together.

OP posts:
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