Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy DS a first birthday present

76 replies

girlylala0807 · 06/04/2010 18:20

My Ds will be 1 on Thursday

I could not love him more if I tried. However, this love I have for him has been questioned at work when I said I was not buying him any presents.

We buy him clothes and stuff now and again. I just dont see the point in spending a fortune. I dont hink he is going to care that much. We are going to the zoo but thats mostly because me and dh want to go!

Also he is the first grandchild on both sides and will be spoilt rotten!

So AIBU not to buy him anything?

OP posts:
Original poster
girlylala0807 · 06/04/2010 18:27

Anyone?

Im feeling a bit guilty here!

OP posts:
compo · 06/04/2010 18:30

Buy him a cuddly toy at the zoo

MaureenMLove · 06/04/2010 18:31

Only if I should feel guilty that I still have paid out for DD's 14th birthday in October! I put an IOU in her birthday card, because it was too near to payday to warrant giving her the cash!

She hasn't asked for it! And tbh, probably for the same reasons you say. Lots of pressies from everyone else. Plenty of money spent on her at other times of the year.

So no. I don't think YABU!

mjinhiding · 06/04/2010 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TottWriter · 06/04/2010 18:31

Nope. I mean, we bought our Ds a few little things, but we certainly didn't get him a lot.

Why bother? I mean, he won't remember it. People only go so overboard for their own pleasure. We didn't even throw him a party, though he got invited to two later in the year. My family came round and made a fuss, and all that happened was that he got really confused, bless him. Couldn't open any presents himself, wasn't really interested in them when they were open, and tried to grab the candle on his cake.

Don't feel guilted into doing anything. People only go overboard because it's 'expected' as a sort of keep-up-with-the-Joneses one-upmanship.

A girl two doors down had about thirty children at her party in a church hall, complete with buffet, baloons and a small bubble machine. The children completely ignored each other, and the parents hovered over them, feeling a bit awkward. Oooh, fun...

mazzystartled · 06/04/2010 18:33

yanbu

get him a helium balloon in a box for £2.75 or a bottle of bubble mixture and an ice-cream at the zoo

at one he will like opening parcels more than the stuff inside them, ditto at 2 pretty much

littlemisslozza · 06/04/2010 18:33

No, I don't think YABU, but personally I would give him a little present e.g favourite small toy or book that I would have given him anyway! Alternatively put some money in his account if that would help to ease the guilt...and don't tell people you won't be buying a present in future!

EldritchCleavage · 06/04/2010 18:33

No, he won't really know what's going on, will he?
I and my sister both did this for the first Xmas: no proper present, just a discovery box of nice things from around the house to play with, because the kids were too young to get Xmas, and everyone else sent them something. Sounds v sensible to me.

dizzydixies · 06/04/2010 18:33

you are buying him a present, you're paying for him to go to the zoo and if its the same as ours thats NOT cheap

relax and enjoy, when he's asking for £100+ trainers when he's 15 you can just smile and remember his 1st

BAFE · 06/04/2010 18:33

YANBU - if you feel guilty, buy him clothes.

Some people confuse money with love, sadly.

mumofaboy · 06/04/2010 18:36

Don't worry about it - I bought my DS a first birthday present but only because there were a couple of things I wanted to get him anyway so it may as well have been for his birthday as not. He won't know and they get gifts from other family members anyway. I'd buy him something though (maybe a gift at the zoo) just in case you get awkward questions when he's going through the terrible teens!! Thinking ahead? Me?

Intergalactic · 06/04/2010 18:38

YANBU at all. I didn't buy DS anything for his first Christmas, and I can't remember buying anything for his first birthday either, although I may have got him a little token gift. We bought him a Christmas present in February this year, as we wanted to wait and see what he got from everyone else and make sure we got something different (which worked well as the sort of thing I was originally thinking of was v similar to one of his presents from PIL). He's 18mo now so I think I'll have to start getting gifts for the right time now as he'll understand more, but before that I think it is actually better to buy stuff as they need it/will get something out of it, as their needs change so quickly during the first year or two.

plantsitter · 06/04/2010 18:40

We wrapped up one of DD's christmas presents for her 1st birthday (realised she just had TOO MUCH STUFF). She enjoyed unwrapping it.

Original poster
girlylala0807 · 06/04/2010 18:41

Thank you all so much,

I dont feel so bad now. All grandparents all be at the zoo so I suspect he will be spoilt!

OP posts:
itsazoohere · 06/04/2010 18:43

I gave DS1 (my baby, my only boy, my last child) two cardboard boxes for his first birthday. One massive one, and one tunnel type one (begged from a nearby shop). Both he and his big sisters loved them-and I reckon they lasted longer than some of the tat I've bought over the years. Best first birthday ever!

jemart · 06/04/2010 18:45

Our DS got a balloon and a bag of chocolate buttons for his 1st birthday. We did also have all our family round for a roast dinner by way of a birthday party. They all brought a mountain of toys

BAFE · 06/04/2010 18:50

plantsitter I did similar. I had twins, then another one 18 months later and had tonnes of toys. On my youngests first birthday I simply wrapped up some of the toys that the twins had grown out of and gave them to my youngest

neume · 06/04/2010 19:09

YANBU - we also did not buy anything for DS1's first birthday and only something very small for his second. However he had loads of things to open from everyone else.

YellowDaffodil · 06/04/2010 19:24

We took DD to Chester Zoo for her first birthday, couldn't see the point in presents from us when everyone else was going to spoil her rotten.
We decided to sponsor an Elephant at the Zoo and next time we went got a picture of the plaque with her name on, we still do it every year she thinks its great and hopefully it will contribute to her having a social conscience
YANBU

ElleBing · 06/04/2010 19:26

YABU.

It's his first birthday. Even if you're against buying him a material gift, which I totally understand, you should do something like put some money in an account for him. My parents do that for LO each birthday as he's too little to appreciate stuff like pricey toys/clothes.

A really nice idea would be to plant a tree in your garden on his first birthday, then he can see it grow with him.

bexxaa · 06/04/2010 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

chandellina · 06/04/2010 19:32

YANBU. I don't think we bought our son anything. We had a bit of cake and he got some presents from his auntie. His favourite thing was the giant 1 balloon she brought.

We didn't give him Christmas presents either (at 17 months).

Time enough for all that to come.

lifeas3plus1 · 06/04/2010 19:38

My Ds is 1yr old on Friday and he's getting some money put in his savings account from us and that's it. He is also a first and only grandchild and will be very spoilt.

So YANBU.

Hope you have fun at the zoo.

DitaVonCheese · 06/04/2010 19:39

YANBU. There's no point really. We got DD one or two little things but would have got them anyway probably. One thing we did get is a charm for a charm bracelet, the idea being to get one a year and then give it to her for her 18th - my mum planned the same thing for me and got to about three charms before giving up/forgetting about it, so will see how far we get On a similar note, a friend got her DD a nice piece of jewellery for when she's older, and another friend got her godson a bottle of port which will take 21 years to mature

notcitrus · 06/04/2010 19:40

YABU. At ds's birthday he got overwhelmed by all the people (4 family) and the piles of presents (gps going overboard, mainly), and the only present he was at all interested in was the '1' badge he got off a card. He crawled off with it and burst into tears when anyone tried to get him to post with a toy so I hid half the presents for a few days.

I was actually pretty overemotional and crying myself over his cake (it had been a tough year and him being alive and well made me all mushy), and didn't want all the plastic crap cluttering up my house from a couple competitive friends who would be upset if I got rid of it ASAP (and then not want to babysit...). At least GPs get most of their pressies from charity shops and are completely happy for half of them to go straight on to another one! And this is after responding to those asking what to get "A balloon or bubbles, and a donation to his child trust fund would be lovely"

The one present I really appreciated was a donation to a charity that trains midwives for the developing world. A lovely touch and ds enjoyed the card with it.