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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bristling at MIL asking "How's my baby?"

74 replies

OzKate · 06/04/2010 10:20

As the years roll by my MIL increasingly annoys me, it seems like our differences become more and more obvious than our similiarities! I'm almost 20weeks pregnant and this will be her first grandchild, so I don't think I need to explain quite how excited she is, which is lovely I know, and I shouldn't take this for granted.

But yesterday we went to her place for lunch and the first thing she did was put her hand on my stomach (cringe) and exclaim (in baby talk no less) "How's my baby?"

EEEEK...AIBU?...I know I am being unreasonable but would this have put your back up??

OP posts:
ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 06/04/2010 10:22

Depends how she said it IMO. "How's my baby" or "How's my baby" IYSWIM. The DSs are my mums "my little man" but it doesn't sounds weird how she says it. But YANBU because MILs are, by law, weirdos.

ShinyAndNew · 06/04/2010 10:23

At least she is excited. When DH told mil that we were expecting a baby she said something along the lines of "What did you go and do that for?"

I think your being a bit unreasonable, but you can blame hormones.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 06/04/2010 10:23

My mum did this. It didnt bother me so much.
Next time she does it just reply with "im very well thank you" And move from within hands reach.
Subtle but should work!

ShadeofViolet · 06/04/2010 10:23

YANBU - She sounds like a loon!

Dumbledoresgirl · 06/04/2010 10:23

No YANBU. It would have put my back up too.

In fact, none of my children have been baptised because when I had ds1 (my first) I took him to church with the intention of asking the priest to book him in for baptism, and the priest greeted me (a stranger) with the words "Ah, another one for the church?" It pissed me off beyond words as my baby was for me and dh and no-one else. Extreme reaction, I know, but I can only suggest my maternal defensive instinct had kicked in rather strongly.

Yours too, by the sound of it. Good for you!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 06/04/2010 10:24

My MIL did this and I found that I didn't mind at all, I was delighted for DH that she was so interested and wanted to make a fuss as she already had two GDs.

I get on with my MIL though, yes she has her annoying points, but she is kind and loves us all and I enjoy her company. If I didn't like her then I expect it would have got my back up!

Dumbledoresgirl · 06/04/2010 10:27

The correct way for your mil to have expressed herself feeling of attachment for her first grandchild would have been to have done what my mil did when I was pregnant with number one. She once said to me on parting "Look after yourself and my grandchild" which I thought was quite touching coming from her (she is a bit of a cold fish).

Madascheese · 06/04/2010 10:27

She does sounds a bit bats in the attic, but probably just excited.

My Dad generally asks after DS by saying 'and how's my boy' but as he's a major part of DS's life I don't mind that at all.

Although bump stroking...{shudders} is a whole different matter.

MrsForHowLong · 06/04/2010 10:29

I hate the touching bump thing, my MIL asked if she could have a feel when I was about 12 weeks....I said no.

ZacharyQuack · 06/04/2010 10:31

Pat her stomach back and say "I think he's fine, but why don't you ask him yourself", while gesturing at your DH.

upahill · 06/04/2010 10:33

Another MIL bashing thread (YAWN) It's an expression she is using! She seems excited and why not?

I'm getting fed up of people acting as if a pregnacncy is a isolated event. You are part of a family and your baby is being born into that family.

Sure she may have irritating habits and I'm sure you do as well. ( just like my MIL did and I have as well)

By the way this used to happen to me and my SIL's wanted to have a feel. Mum (ie MIL)and their face was a treat when they could feel the baby move! They were so excited and were still excited and involved long after the birth.

Please don't put up any barriers otherwise your MIL will feel she may have to permently keep her distance and feel uninvolved.

Sn0wflake · 06/04/2010 10:34

Be aware that you may be going a bit mad in the latter stages of pregnancy.

I know I was horrible to my mother in the last few months.....I shudder thinking about it now.

Take a deep breath and let it wash over you. Really don't fall out over this....she is just excited.

Original poster
OzKate · 06/04/2010 10:40

Thanks for your replies, I'm sitting her chuckling to myself now, all very valid, thanks. You have to laugh don't you?? Or at least try.

I know, it's not what you say it's how you say it and all of that..yes, very true. I'm trying to get used to the touching, a few people at work have done it and managed to grab a handful of spare tyre which I can attribute to eating creme eggs for breakfast for the past week. One of the last things she said to me yesterday was that she wanted to go shopping together for baby tings (again in a baby talk voice, why? WHY?) and that she was going to give us a blanket that my husband had when he was a baby. Mmm, that would mean it's 37 years old, great, that is going to be one fragrant blanky.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 06/04/2010 10:44

There should be a MIL bashing topic on here and I think its lovely she wants to share old family blankets with you ...

rubyrubyruby · 06/04/2010 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZacharyQuack · 06/04/2010 10:48

Actually, lay off about the blanket, that's really lovely. Your baby doesn't have to cuddle it, but folded at the foot of the cot would be really sweet.

jellybeans · 06/04/2010 10:49

YANBU my MIL did that and tried to take over, round early every morning etc giving advice or criticism.

becksydee · 06/04/2010 10:52

wow, that's a bit ungrateful.

there are these fantastic inventions called washing machines, i've heard they're really good at cleaning fabric & leaving it smelling fresh, perhaps you could try putting the blanket in one?

go & eat some more creme eggs & get some perspective, OP!

choosyfloosy · 06/04/2010 10:52

ds had a blanket that's 100 years old and had been posseted on cuddled by God knows how many members of our family, it's possible to wash them you know! what a lovely thought of hers.

Dumbledoresgirl · 06/04/2010 10:54

Oh I think the blanket thing is quite normal. My mil gave me a very soft hand crocheted shawl that she had for her babies (and maybe even when she was a baby herself? I am not sure about that). It was perfectly clean - they can be washed you know! I didn't use it much but only because it was obviously precious to her and I was afraid of ripping it. It is now stored away in my cupboard along with one mil crocheted especially for my babies, and I guess I will try and hand them down when I become a grandmother.

This will be the firt of many gifts you have to accept with good grace when you have a baby. It can be hard as you don't always like what other people value.

msrisotto · 06/04/2010 10:56

Oh it is sweet that she wants new baby to have dad's old blanket.

coralanne · 06/04/2010 10:56

Words fail me

rubyrubyruby · 06/04/2010 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KristinaM · 06/04/2010 11:01

YABU

she is just trying to be nice

i would just grin and bear the patting

and accept the blanket politely, its a lovely gesture, she has cherished it all these years

MisSalLaneous · 06/04/2010 11:04

Oh for heaven's sake, if this is the biggest problem you have with MIL, count your lucky stars. Yes fine, perhaps the touching bump thing a bit much, but it's all meant well.

I think she sounds lovely and you are spoiling for a fight with her.

Clearly, I think YABU.

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