to not want my MIL at DD's children's birthday party

[mintymum]

when she is invited to a family party on the actual birthday. MIL now refusing to stay-over on the basis that DD goes to bed at 6pm so there's "no point" staying over after that. (transl: hates my parents and doesn't want to spend evening with us all).

Also told me yesterday "I really want to see how she interacts with all the other little children." (in heavy emotional blackmail tone).

Actually am pretty sure DD won't really enjoy party anyway and will just cling onto Daddy for most of it.

so basically you don't want her there because you don't like her?

How old is dd? I think YABU not ot invite her.

yabu

why can't she come and not stay over/

what's wrong with wanting to see how your dd interacts with other kids?

you're being mean, she doesn't have to have a relationship with your parents, just you, dh and her grandson

my parents never meet up with my inlaws, they live diffrent ends of the country and we can't fit them all in at the same time

so sometimes one seens the dcs for xmas and the other set sees the dcs on their b/days

Hang on - isn't this 'win/win' for you.

You get to spend DD's birthday with people you actually like and you have an extra set of hands to help a small child's birthday party.

Just sayin'

What Carrie said

Are your parents going to the children's birthday party?

If they wanted to go, would you say no?

If they are, or if they asked, they could, then yabv unfair.

I can understand why she'd want to be there. It's nice to see the kids playing and having fun at their party.

Can she not be useful to you at the party?

The problem is that she won't be useful at the party she will just expect me to look after her and her husband on top of running the party. (They're in their late -70s). DD is 3.

I don't understand why if she's coming to the family party (which she is) she needs to come to the children's party too.

Am I the only one in the world who thinks running a children's birthday party is the worst kind of stress imaginable and just wants to cry thinking about it??

I did used to like MIL but since DD was born all she does is criticise and undermine me.

My Mum is going to be at Children's party but only because she is babysitting for us that night because husband wanted to go to a concert. And also my mum will actually help and be supportive.

As pesky as she might be, I don't think I could refuse someone that age.

well we didn't bother with children's parties until they were at school

up until 5 it was tea and cake with whatever family was around

once they are 5 children parties only involve actual children at the weekend and family can have tea and cake on the actual birthday again if there are any around

so often it's just the 4 of us for the actual birthday and then 20 kids in softplay hell at the weekend where the staff do all the work

you make it as stressful or as relaxed as you want it to be imo, good luck!

What's her age got to do with it?! She wants to see her grandchild playing with friends. What's the problem? If your mum will be there then YABVVVVVU.

YANBU But I think yuo have to let her come. My FIL insists on coming for both DD parties, comes on THursday and goes home on Monday and is no help at all, but DDs love him being there.

I really do not want him there at all, and as I have no family, do not even have the back up of my own parents there, but I let him come cos the kids love him( kids have no judgment) even htough I feel it sort of ruins a nice occasion for me

yabu

Suggest you let her come along and give her some sort of "job" to do. Perhaps taking photos of the children playing, etc? Is that unrealistic? I'm assuming that although in her 70s she's mobile, of course?

I understand why you don't want her there but I think it'll create more trouble than having her there really.

Why don't you thank her for offering to help with the party and tell her you've put her in charge of ? If you're at home, surely she can wash cups or something so she's out of your hair?

well - confusion.

I was going to say YANBU because we have always had separate family and friends parties made it clear from the start that we were not planning on mixing the two.

BUT as your mum is going to be there I don't think you can refuse

she doesn't 'need' to come, but she wants to.

can't see how you can say no really if your mum will be there.

just put her in charge of something tedious.

Oops, cross-post with belledame, who has a better idea. Her taking pictures would be great.

Is your DH going to be there? Only I loathe my MIL and the only way she would be allowed is if he was around.

not letting her come is passive aggressive.

you need to either deal with how she undermines you and clear the air or try to look past it and involve her.

be grateful she's interested- my mil is hardly even bothered.