to not want my MIL at DD's children's birthday party

[mintymum]

when she is invited to a family party on the actual birthday. MIL now refusing to stay-over on the basis that DD goes to bed at 6pm so there's "no point" staying over after that. (transl: hates my parents and doesn't want to spend evening with us all).

Also told me yesterday "I really want to see how she interacts with all the other little children." (in heavy emotional blackmail tone).

Actually am pretty sure DD won't really enjoy party anyway and will just cling onto Daddy for most of it.

What horridness. You can't bar your MIL from the party when your own mother is coming and I cannot imagine what sort of warped value system you operate if you consider this is reasonable.

Guests, and I realise this may come as a fearful shock to some, are just that - guests. They are not required to prove their worth, especially when elderly. Has it not occurred to you that your MIL is responding to the treatment you are dishing out to her? Only the role of second-class grandparent cannot be a happy one.

if your child won't enjoy the childrne's party it surely begs the quetsion -why the hell are you having a children's party

In (slight) defence of the OP, I have for the last couple of years suggested to PIL that perhaps a hall full of 25+ overexcited children is not really where they want to see DS and spend time with him - and invited them to come for lunch or something separately so they get birthday boy to themselves - and they have agreed (to my relief, TBH) - but they did come to DS's 3rd & 4th birthday parties and DD's 3rd, and I would never actually say No if they wanted to come despite warnings of over-excited brats.

YANBU to not want her to come- You would be unreasonable not to allow her.
We have PILS coming to DS birthday party, (even though 5 years ago I vowed never to invite them to another party we were hosting) because they are his GPs, and that is important for my child.

I think it would be mean if you don't allow her to be there when your own mother will be there.

We have a childrens birthday party for ds and if the inlaws/parents want to come they are welcome, I don't do a separate family party because I don't see the point. Last year mil didn't want to come to ds's party but she wanted him to have a separate family party on the day of his birthday. We refused because we were going out for the day and don't want it become a habit which it would become if we agreed to it once.