To think 'judging' is not in and of itself an intrinsically 'bad thing'?

[Bigmouthstrikesagain]

I see so many threads where judgements are made by posters (whether asked for or not), about the actions or opinions of another and invariably someone will pipe up with 'how very dare you judge this person when you don't know them etc.'.

It irks me, not necessarily because I think the person/s who made the judgement is right, they may well be talking a load of arse, but merely that I value the right to make judgements and voice opinions. If they are wrong they can be disproved by reasoned arguement, sometimes there is no clear right and wrong.

Pussyfooting around blandly stating that it s wrong to judge the actions of others does not make the world a better place. I am pretty tolerant, but that does not prevent me from judging behaviours and opinions expressed around me, my husband is postively old testament in his ability to make cold hard judgements of others (all people who like classical music are nobs etc.!). Which is irritating and entertaining in equal measure but at least he isn't bland,he cares deeply about things, you can have a heated discussion with him. The people who make my heart sink are those whom profess to have no opinions 'i like all types of music' ...

So go on disagree with me - make my day!

liking all types of music doesn't mean you have no opinion on music!

I agree with you wholeheartedly - but I do try hard to limit my judginess and reserve being judgey for what I consider to be extreme cases only.

Therefore, I judge 90% of 4 x 4 drivers to be selfish arses, but I don't judge anyone who chooses to formula feed.

And fully accept that other people will have polar opposite values to me.

Judging by your OP, your husband sounds quite ignorant

I make a point of judging those who bleat 'Don't judge me' or even more irritatingly 'Walk a mile in my mocassins' or some such crap'

What they fail to understand is that I am 'judging' precisely because I neither do nor wish to 'walk a mile' in their footwear.

I think it depends on the situtation. I think on a forum such as this one, if you ask advice, or if you are being unreasonable, then you are being a bit unrealistic to expect non-judgemental responses. Also, in RL and here, it is pretty fair to expect that parenting choices are going to vary pretty widely, and people hold their own philosophies dear, so I think the judgement in that case just comes down to perspective; "I wouldn't do that with MY kid..." iyswim.
A heated debate doesn't always have to employ judgement...it can just be a difference of opinions, which isn't really the same thing as being judgemental.

Your DH sounds like mine OP. My DH once stated that he didn't like classical music because it has no tune .

(By the way I like classical music so am obviously a knob!)

its human nature to judge - not so long ago (in evolutionary terms) our survival depended on our ability to judge friend or foe in a very short time.

I dont mind anyone who judges, provided they dont offend or insult others by insisting that their judgement is the correct one, or by calling names etc as unfortunately is quite often the case on MN. It takes all sorts after all.........

Dh is not ignorant (I like some classical composers and opera and much more open minded about classical music generally and he married me anyway ), so I don't take his black and White pronouncements very seriously, they have far too many sub clauses and exclusions . He just loves the things he loves passionately (Liverpool fc, John Peel) and therefore also dislikes passionately.

IMO, being judgmental stops people from deviating too far from social norms. It is because of others potential reactions and judginess that we are a civilised society.

Noone wants to thought of as a loon or a bad parent/ person so we modify our behaviour to conform and to avoid being judged.

Morejuice I agree

i agree with all the judgers here - it is also known as societal pressure, which has some very useful effects on modifying our behaviour.

There's nothing like a good Judgement. It makes us all feel better. Provided there is enough room for all of us to occupy the Moral High Ground, of course.

I don't care if people judge- as long as the right adjective is used.

It's judgemental, not judgey

I judge people who say 'judgey'.

Judge me for that.

If you never judge anyone for anything, then everyone's sort of, like, cool, and, hey, I have issues around judgement, so it's like, if I'm offended by it then it's, like, not OK? Know what I mean?

Actually I think what's worse than being 'judgmental' is making assumptions about people, for example that if you have a very tidy house then you must have OCD or if you have a messy house then you must be neglecting your children. We never really know another human being, even one that we're married to, so how could we think we can know someone's life from reading four lines they've written about a certain topic?

If you are posting details on this, or any other, forum you are asking to be judged. Sorry, but you are. I do particularly enjoy the pious idiots who do "ooh, judgey judgey" posts after someone has made a post along the lines of "I let my LO crap his nappy and don't change it for like an hour AIBU" and everyone has has said "Of course YABU fgs."

We all judge, whether we admit to it or not. Imagine if you will seeing a parent slap a LO in public. You WOULD judge. You wouldn't breathe in through your teeth and say "ooh, well we musn't judge, we don't know the full story."

tethers, I believe it can also be judgmental? Tee hee...

I'm really judgemental but I try to keep it to myself. Except on here.

Are we talking about a subjective opinion rather than "judgements" here?

Runs off to pedant's corner...!

Judgement to me is more about looking at a behaviour, comparing it to a moral/ethical or legal code and drawing a conclusion. Thus: "murder is wrong" or "farting in someone's face is rude".

Whereas, not liking classical music for the reason given is purely opinion, which can also be easily disproved...or does he think there were no tunes prior to the 20th century when "popular" music evolved as a concept?

I like MNers for saying what they think, but sometimes they leap to conclusions on too little evidence and that is irksome.

I have judged myself and have found myself to be wanting, BDSM.

I must now go and change my identity and have my fingerprints burned off.

People like me make me sick.

We all judge in everyday life- we all act and abide by our own moral codes- it is almost a neccesity to 'judge' in some way or other..as by 'judging' we are often making a choice about how as individuals we are perceiving right from wrong.

However, saying that shite, I DO think people are too quick to judge (condemn?) the choices of others.

Tis all relative

tethers you're one of my MN crushes. Kindly do not dispel my illusions.

Also, on an internet forum where people are describing a situation then asking for advice, people are going to judge and offer opinions.
It is inevitable.

agrre with you all, and I judge noone, as I am a complete arse.

And I cannot spell either

BDSM; I've let you down, I've let MN down and I've let myself down.

I'm going away to sit down and think about what I just did.